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Post by Coldfront06 on Apr 6, 2012 9:53:43 GMT -5
Yeah I just re-read the whole thread...hard to believe this started 3 years ago. I'm not as afraid as I was 3 years ago, though I have my moments when I feel like single life is the way to go.
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Post by LejaOMG on Apr 6, 2012 10:09:58 GMT -5
Funny, I rarely think about marriage. Because I've always assumed that when I'm ready, I'll just wake up one day and do it. Lately, I've been thinking about the subject much more than usual. I'm still not interested in marriage at this time, but it's becoming a little more real to me that options narrow as one grows older.
I have multiple friends who got married a LONG time before they were ready simply because they had a "now or never" mindset. On some old: I really ike him/her, I don't mind committing and even though I'm not ready, if I don't do it now there's no guarantee that I'll meet someone just as good later on. I mean if I wanted to, I could just get serious with one of the guys I'm dating and be married and pregnant by this time next year. But I don't. And I won't. I just wonder if 5-10 years from now I'll be looking back saying "I should've married so-and-so when I had the chance."
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Post by Coldfront06 on Apr 6, 2012 10:16:42 GMT -5
I will admit that the fact that I have 2 younger brothers who are married makes me feel some type of way...not sure what the proper word is. It does help that most of my male friends that are my age are also not married. I have an aunt that constantly asks me when I'm going to get married and have children. She's turning 60 this year, and she's unmarried with no kids. I swear when I get the balls I'm going to ask her the same question.
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Post by T-Rex91 on Apr 6, 2012 10:20:00 GMT -5
Real talk, don't delay indefinitely thinking it's always gonna be something you can just wake up and do. Having recently hit 40, I am looking back at the marriage opportunities I had and wondering why none of them were good enough for me. Was I being too fearful? Too much of a perfectionist? I don't know. I just know that several exes wanted to marry me but I was always lukewarm on marrying them. Now I'm wondering if I'm toting raisins instead of eggs  (because I only wanted children born from a marriage). |
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 6, 2012 10:24:32 GMT -5
LOL @ asking your aunt. I had a moment back in February. My younger sister got married and I had to hear all the "When are you getting married?" "How you let your sister beat you down the aisle?" "Why didn't you marry so-an-so, what happened?" "I thought for sure you'd be married by now," questions and comments. After a while, I got really sick of it and my smart a$$ mouth decided to act out. Them: When are you getting married? Me: When your dad finally leaves your mom and asks me. I'm tired of sneaking around. Them:  Me: Yea, pretty soon you'll be calling ME "mommy."  Them:  |
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Post by LejaOMG on Apr 6, 2012 10:41:46 GMT -5
I'm hoping that my answers to these questions are good enough when I ask them of myself years from now. Even now, when I look at the shot-glass full of diamond rings in my kitchen (IDK where else to put them, lol), I can rattle off a laundry list of reasons why this one couldn't work and why that one was doomed for the devil. Perhaps as we age, our glasses tint rosy. If I'm still single at 40, the dude whom I'd happily run over with my car today may start to seem not so bad in retrospect. ... looking back at the marriage opportunities I had and wondering why none of them were good enough for me. Was I being too fearful? Too much of a perfectionist? I don't know. I just know that several exes wanted to marry me but I was always lukewarm on marrying them. Now I'm wondering if I'm toting raisins instead of eggs (because I only wanted children born from a marriage). |
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Post by LejaOMG on Apr 6, 2012 10:49:10 GMT -5
Let me also add, I'm not afraid of marriage. Not at all. But from what I understand about the institution, I'd rather be single for now.
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Apr 6, 2012 15:04:59 GMT -5
Im truly afraid I won't be getting married and it was stated previously "married people don't make it seem good"
Knowing that he has to be there 24/7 is a major anxiety for me and knowing how long it takes me to warm up to guys doesnt help.
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Apr 9, 2012 17:52:56 GMT -5
As much as I say I want to be/get married. My name is Rare Commodity and I have a fear of marriage. Its a lot of work...I like dating,shacking, bf/gf situations so when I get tired (I do pretty quick) I can say :Imma holla". I don't have a fear of committment just a fear of ummmmmm longtermness and the idea of neva eva eva eva being able to get the goods from anyone else....
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Post by DamieQue™ on Apr 9, 2012 23:42:53 GMT -5
This was a good thread (not because I started it, but for the record, I started it LOL) Strange how we have been on this message board for so long that we can leave and come back and things be completely different. For example, I'm engaged now.
[Begin Soliloquy] Prissy made a lot of good points in this thread; I was surprised though that no one followed up on the some of the implications (maybe they thought about them internally though).
For those of you who on occasion frequent VSB, one topic folks are fond of talking about is the perception that women want to be seen as unique and special, and that that uniqueness is what draws their husband to them eventually. But if Prissy is right (and I think she is) it's really not about you (as women). In fact, there is really nothing inherently special about you at all.
And let's be clear what we're talking about, when I say special I mean - distinguished from others. This is not to say you aren't beautiful, aren't smart, aren't witty, aren't talented, aren't destined to be respected by your peers. If we're being truthful, many of you are all these things... if we're being even more truthful... a LOT of you are all these things. There is nothing inherent to you that makes you stand out from the rest. Lest anyone should think this is a back handed slap, let's go ahead and acknowledge that there is very little separating most dudes in terms of their accolades either.
Where I think things become a little different is that generally speaking (that means this is a general statement, not a fact, but a general statement) women are looking for A man, while men are looking for THE woman. I have only proposed to one woman, and I have only bought one ring, but I have been told a number of times by a number of different women that I could be the one. Of course since I turned out to NOT be "the one", what they were basically saying is that I could be "a one".
In the end, there isn't "the one"... there is "the one that you committed to" PERIOD. There is nothing particularly special about her except YOUR commitment to her (and perhaps timing). I think sometimes some men are looking for that "bolt of lightning" that strikes us where suddenly we will only ever be attracted to our wives, because she is special. But the truth is, there is nothing that your wife can cook that another woman can't cook, or can't learn to cook, no freak nasty move that your wife does, that some other woman can't do as well or better, there is no joke she can tell, that another woman can't tell better, there is nothing that your wife does that another woman can't theoretically do. There will always be big breast-es-es and donkage out there that will catch your eye, and as your wife ages, physically she won't be able to compete with that (especially if she's having kids)
What will keep you from indulging that monster donk, or engaging in that witty flirting at a cocktail hour that you know you have no business doing, what will keep you away from motor boating those breasts-es-es is your commitment to your commitment. Not what your wife is or isn't, but what you are... are you a man of you word? Do you have a flawed character? Does you word count for anything? Do you have integrity? When you tell her she can trust you, can she in fact trust you? Will you do what you are supposed to do when you think people aren't looking? Will you be the kind of man that you would want your daughter to marry?
I think until a dude has at least considered some of these questions, he shouldn't be marrying anyone. I realize this sounds somewhat clinical and impersonal and entirely unromantic (which in some ways is fine because I think people put entirely too much stock in ephemeral feelings and imagery). I do think "love" is a part of this equation, absolutely. But I just realize you can grow to love anyone. I have BEEN loved by plenty of folks, but I am only committed to one. Your love for someone doesn't make them special; it's definitely something that should be there, but it isn't the sine qua non.
If you need to see an example of this works, see Jesus. He didn't just love the people, He was committed, even when it cost Him His life. And none of the people He died for were particularly special. [End Soliloquy]
Now all that said, that's me. That's my opinion, not fact. Feel free to find your own truth, and find the situation for marriage that works for you. In the end, the decisions and the consequences will be yours.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Apr 9, 2012 23:43:47 GMT -5
Im truly afraid I won't be getting married and it was stated previously "married people don't make it seem good" Knowing that he has to be there 24/7 is a major anxiety for me and knowing how long it takes me to warm up to guys doesnt help. |
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Apr 10, 2012 8:28:39 GMT -5
ged now.
women are looking for A man, while men are looking for THE woman.
****ENLIGHTENMENT**** I agree with almost everything you said but this hit the nail on the head for me.... |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Apr 10, 2012 9:21:12 GMT -5
ged now.
women are looking for A man, while men are looking for THE woman.
****ENLIGHTENMENT**** I agree with almost everything you said but this hit the nail on the head for me....
Sing it to 'em Brandy
*For some reason Brandy Norwood shows up out of nowhere and responds on command, though there's no logical reason why should we do either*
Almost doesn't count...
To quote another performer who might shed even more insight on this situation:
Big K.R.I.T. from the Song Red Eye
I can't be what you want me to be
You shooting too high cause you ain't aiming at me
also
I ain't the man you want me to be
I guess that's what's been bothering me
While we're looking for THE woman, we also have expectations of ourselves, which most times we're honest with ourselves, if we don't measure up. You know how you hear dudes say all the time, that a certain woman was perfect but he just wasn't ready? Yeah, that. This is why. He is aware within himself, that he cannot measure up to the expectations that he would have of himself to be with you. Because commitment to the commitment isn't just a question of fidelity, it's a question of sacrifice. And sometimes we really just aren't ready. |
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 10, 2012 10:48:53 GMT -5
I hate to say it, but the purple guy makes sense
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Post by DamieQue™ on Apr 10, 2012 11:26:08 GMT -5
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Apr 10, 2012 11:51:30 GMT -5
Im truly afraid I won't be getting married and it was stated previously "married people don't make it seem good" Knowing that he has to be there 24/7 is a major anxiety for me and knowing how long it takes me to warm up to guys doesnt help. Not really...it takes years to know someone..but before proposal and marriage,will what you know be enough? But presumably you would get to know this dude before marrying him so you would have at least been warmed up tho right? |
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 10, 2012 11:58:25 GMT -5
[side eye]
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Post by DamieQue™ on Apr 10, 2012 13:43:15 GMT -5
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Post by QueenOH on Apr 10, 2012 13:53:26 GMT -5
I fear commitment to a tattoo
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 10, 2012 14:03:17 GMT -5
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Apr 10, 2012 14:42:56 GMT -5
I dont do tattoos
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Apr 10, 2012 15:20:30 GMT -5
I use to have a secret e-crush on him but now I see he beats women AND he's engaged.  |
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 10, 2012 15:36:19 GMT -5
I use to have a secret e-crush on him but now I see he beats women AND he's engaged. *hands Rare a name-tag and gestures towards an e-chair* Welcome to the club. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Apr 10, 2012 20:55:02 GMT -5
I use to have a secret e-crush on him but now I see he beats women AND he's engaged. |
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 10, 2012 21:05:18 GMT -5
But I didn't even do anything!!!! >:-)
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Apr 11, 2012 8:44:26 GMT -5
Beat, beat, beat, beat, beat, beat he'll e-beat u up!
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 11, 2012 10:20:36 GMT -5
LOL!!! Silly Rare, e-tricks are for kids. Oh wait, this is e-broke arse Damie we're talking about. He ain't e-tricking cause he ain't e-got it. LOL!!!
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Post by DamieQue™ on Apr 11, 2012 10:31:05 GMT -5
e-whoop that e-trick
e-whoop that e-trick (e-Get 'Em)
e-whoop that e-trick
e-whoop that e-trick (e-Get 'Em)
Something about having the e in front of all those just takes something away from it.
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 11, 2012 10:34:07 GMT -5
Yea. It really does. lol
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Post by T-Rex91 on Apr 11, 2012 10:54:00 GMT -5
I use to have a secret e-crush on him but now I see he beats women AND he's engaged. *hands Rare a name-tag and gestures towards an e-chair* Welcome to the club. *shudders and gags a little* But his logic is sound. I'll give him credit for that...... |
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(because I only wanted children born from a marriage).
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