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Post by 123Diva on May 21, 2009 5:28:57 GMT -5
Maybe I'm reading something wrong but I don't see what is wrong with anything wrong in what Damie is saying happened with old girl. Dinner and a movie is not always a date (hardly ever for me) and it certainly does not mean we are actually dating. If she made assumptions about them dating off that and then threw in her mic check abilities as a bonus then that's on her too. Assumptions will get your feelings hurt every time...Pretty much. |
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Post by 123Diva on May 21, 2009 5:33:41 GMT -5
So does Becky......i'm just sayin.... LOL and that's fine bc if Im not cooking it means I could care less if Becky does...as long as you eat the box before you leave...let Becky do what she does best...be Becky. Be sure to have her let me know how I taste when she kisses him too...lol <--not fully reformed from hardcore-dom  Get that said. iDIED. I'm going to leave it at that. EXALT. Actually one more thing:Men need to understand that just like you have women who will gladly do what one woman won't (Becky, Sally, or whatever we wanna call 'em), SO DO WE. And I'm not just talking about freaky-deaky stuff either. General act-right can be found in other men. BELIEVE IT! Now, that's all. For real this time. |
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on May 21, 2009 7:58:45 GMT -5
Yeah "IF" I ever get married...and that a big "IF" I want to do the cooking and stuff...I really wouldn't mind being an EDUCATED housewife...I will have food cooked and everything waiting when he gets home...kids will be in bed and homework done...I want the Huxtable life..and yeah I know thats on TV but it does exixt in Real WORLD Claire went to work, she wasn't a housewife she was a lawyer. |
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on May 21, 2009 8:04:22 GMT -5
I haven't read all the post, so someone may have mention this. But this is my opinion: To answer... I think it is really important that you become good friends with your partner before marriage. Take time to learn that person. Get to know their likes/dislikes. What makes them sad/happy. What things that they'll tolerate. Discuss goals and expectations. MOST OF ALL please discuss child rearing. Bringing children into a marriage can sometimes destroy a marriage because there are a lot of inadequacies and disagreements.
Become your SO's confidant, their goto, their safe haven...form a friendship. Yes he/she is cute or whatever but can you talk to him/her about some issues you dealing with. Will he/she push you away if you need to talk about something he said that really affected you emotionally.....Get to know these things before hand.
One thing I can think of that I guy would fear is one day not being able to take care of his family. What if he looses his job and he's the soul provider then what? What if he doesn't have the means to give his wife something that she truly deserves?
And (keeping it real) contemplating marriage he may thinking about all the booty he has to pass up. Exalt. |
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Post by 123Diva on May 21, 2009 8:15:54 GMT -5
I just want to point something out, as I believe in Freudian slips and sometimes what you meant to say comes out in the form of "a mistake" or in this case a grammatical error. Work (in his fabulous post that I exalted him for) talked about the man being the "Soul Provider" (as opposed to the sole/only provider). I like that. I want my man to be my soul provider. That's all  Exalt coming...  @ LogAKAl for being the reason I can't Exalt Work immediately. ::SIGH:: |
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Post by THE emPRISS on May 21, 2009 8:58:37 GMT -5
What if she says, "She tastes good, how did she say I tasted?" LOL!!! <<== not hardcore... If Im not cooking, likelihood is Im also not kissing  Think about it. lol |
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Post by 123Diva on May 21, 2009 9:14:40 GMT -5
A certain amount of fear of marriage is healthy and a good thing IMO. It means a person is not going into it lightly and hopefully will take the necessary steps to make it successful (even if that means re-thinking marriage to that person).
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Post by nsync on May 21, 2009 9:30:49 GMT -5
I was looking through this thread to try to find it and realized it wasn't in this thread. LOL I truly think she got something out of it(in her mind). How can you assume you are dating someone when you are paying for your own stuff?  Maybe I'm reading something wrong but I don't see what is wrong with what Damie is saying happened with old girl. Dinner and a movie is not always a date (hardly ever for me) and it certainly does not mean we are actually dating. If she made assumptions about them dating off that and then threw in her mic check abilities as a bonus then that's on her too. Assumptions will get your feelings hurt every time... |
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Post by nsync on May 21, 2009 9:32:27 GMT -5
Praise 'im! Exalt Actually one more thing:Men need to understand that just like you have women who will gladly do what one woman won't (Becky, Sally, or whatever we wanna call 'em), SO DO WE. And I'm not just talking about freaky-deaky stuff either. General act-right can be found in other men. BELIEVE IT!Now, that's all. For real this time. |
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Post by 123Diva on May 21, 2009 9:51:52 GMT -5
Praise 'im! Exalt Actually one more thing:Men need to understand that just like you have women who will gladly do what one woman won't (Becky, Sally, or whatever we wanna call 'em), SO DO WE. And I'm not just talking about freaky-deaky stuff either. General act-right can be found in other men. BELIEVE IT!Now, that's all. For real this time. ;D |
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Post by Bunny Hop on May 21, 2009 10:21:50 GMT -5
I was looking through this thread to try to find it and realized it wasn't in this thread. LOL I truly think she got something out of it(in her mind). How can you assume you are dating someone when you are paying for your own stuff? She might have...who knows, lol. I guess she might be thinking that the fact that they are going out and spending time period is enough to consider them dating. |
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Post by T-Rex91 on Mar 18, 2010 9:10:02 GMT -5
*bump* damn y'all. I was getting there. I really was. Then I had a disturbing convo with my uncle last weekend. Dude's been married for 53 years, since he was 18, and has no plans to get divorced. I always thought he and my aunt were pretty happy, not lovely dovey but that realistic kind of enduring love. I was talking to him and asked him if my aunt had come south with him this trip and he said, "No. Now that we bought the NC house, one of us will typically be in one and the other in the other." I looked confused and he starts telling me about how if he had to do it again he would absolutely have not married my aunt and how unrealistic it is to think that you can be happy with one person for decades. WTH? ?? Just underscores that you never really know what's going on in people's houses. I think I've had a relapse  Can I just get ONE married person to be euphoric about it? LOL |
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Post by QueenOH on Mar 18, 2010 9:14:49 GMT -5
marriage is hard and a lot of work you aren't gonna be happy in your marriage all the time. You just gotta hope for most of the time
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Post by peppermint on Mar 18, 2010 9:48:11 GMT -5
I'm not sure it's possible to be happy with multiple people for decades. Happiness comes and goes. Are we really happy with ourselves all the time? Hopefully there can be joy within the marriage and more happiness than sadness
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 18, 2010 10:46:58 GMT -5
*steps up to podium, taps microphone, and cringes from the feedback*
Last year, on February 11th, I became engaged to (whom I think is) one of the greatest men in the world. Here it is 1 year, 1 month, and 1 week later, and because of me, we have yet to set a date.
Hello, my name is ChalJo81, and I'm afraid of marriage.
*quickly returns to seat*
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Post by Cambist on Mar 18, 2010 10:55:35 GMT -5
I've been married most of my adult life.....
.....I believe men should wait until they are at least 30 before they get married.
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Post by Blu on Mar 18, 2010 13:14:07 GMT -5
Going on year 6 and I'm still very happy to be married. Not sure if I would put an age limit on it because now that I'm 30, I realize a lot of the guys in my peer group now are in no way ready to settle down. The ones that got married around the same time as me seem to be doing well in their marriages. It's still early in all of our marriages, but so far I wouldn't trade marriage to be single.
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Post by Mrs. Eyes on Mar 18, 2010 13:37:03 GMT -5
I'm afraid of marriage, only because of what I've seen growing up.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 18, 2010 13:41:13 GMT -5
I stand by my earlier comments. If you pretend to be someone you're not in order to get me to like you, and then once I sign on for the relationship you let the real you come out... that isn't growth, it's deception.
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 18, 2010 14:17:05 GMT -5
I agree^^
I've seen both successful & failed marriages, but I'm smart enough to know that just because someone else succeeds/fails, that doesn't mean that I will. I'm afraid that I won't get as much as I give. It sounds selfish, and I know I shouldn't think that way. Truth is, I fully believe that in every relationship, somebody always loves more. Gives more. Put up with more. Eventually, you start to feel like you aren't getting out what you're putting in and sometimes, that can make you resentful of the other person. I don't want that to happen to me. So, since there is no such thing as reassurance, I'm afraid. Doesn't mean I'm gonna run from it. It just means that before I make it official, I need to be really really sure.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 18, 2010 14:18:50 GMT -5
I agree^^ I've seen both successful & failed marriages, but I'm smart enough to know that just because someone else succeeds/fails, that doesn't mean that I will. I'm afraid that I won't get as much as I give. It sounds selfish, and I know I shouldn't think that way. Truth is, I fully believe that in every relationship, somebody always loves more. Gives more. Put up with more. Eventually, you start to feel like you aren't getting out what you're putting in and sometimes, that can make you resentful of the other person. I don't want that to happen to me. So, since there is no such thing as reassurance, I'm afraid. Doesn't mean I'm gonna run from it. It just means that before I make it official, I need to be really really sure. |
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 18, 2010 14:22:43 GMT -5
I shall be waiting. |
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Post by 123Diva on Mar 18, 2010 18:51:18 GMT -5
This was/is a damn good thread.
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Post by juschill on Mar 18, 2010 19:33:33 GMT -5
aside from being scared, i'm just too young and stupid for marriage.
hell, I have a fear of any type of relationship. i suffer from "emotional distance". this includes family and friends.
it just aint me...
i must admit, i HATE the fact that as a young woman, i cannot seem to get emotionally comfortable with a dude that i'm attracted to. i dont think its EVER happened. and its not like ive been single all my life either...
BLAH!
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Post by Bunny Hop on Mar 18, 2010 20:29:11 GMT -5
I agree^^ I've seen both successful & failed marriages, but I'm smart enough to know that just because someone else succeeds/fails, that doesn't mean that I will. I'm afraid that I won't get as much as I give. It sounds selfish, and I know I shouldn't think that way. Truth is, I fully believe that in every relationship, somebody always loves more. Gives more. Put up with more. Eventually, you start to feel like you aren't getting out what you're putting in and sometimes, that can make you resentful of the other person. I don't want that to happen to me. So, since there is no such thing as reassurance, I'm afraid. Doesn't mean I'm gonna run from it. It just means that before I make it official, I need to be really really sure. good stuff...exalt |
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 19, 2010 0:46:32 GMT -5
Thanks, Bun, It's all apart of that "still growing up" thing you mentioned.
*looks at my Karma.*
*looks @ Damie & taps watch*
*frowns*
lol
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Post by T-Rex91 on Mar 19, 2010 8:18:56 GMT -5
YEAH BLU!!!!!!!! I'm happy for you.
People got and stayed married back in the day because they had to, nothing else was unacceptable. Women didn't have the socially acceptable option of having babies on their own. Divorce was frowned on so you made it work or, in the case of my uncle, just accepted your fate, warts and all, and rode it out.
Maybe our generation's reluctance to get married is a function of less social pressure to do so. Women aren't looked at as spinsters because they're single at 25, they just represent the near half of black women uncoupled. There are very few shotgun wedding expectations after unplanned pregnancies. Shacking up and still having Moms over for dinner is cool now. We are less likely to put up with a bunch of drama for the sake of a ring. Just my thoughts.................
@ Chal, I've been waiting for a couple of years for some magical sense of calm and assured success to wash over me (BF's been waiting too....LOL). I don't think it's coming and I don't think it's a lack of maturity, I think it's just how it is for us. I think we just have to jump into the current and swim like hell for shore.
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 5, 2012 15:34:54 GMT -5
*a couple of years later*
but I don't want to swim like hell. I want to float along peacefully
This was a good thread
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Post by 123Diva on Apr 6, 2012 9:16:18 GMT -5
I'm still afraid of marriage, but potentially willing on some days...
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Post by T-Rex91 on Apr 6, 2012 9:51:23 GMT -5
This was such a good thread!
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@ LogAKAl for being the reason I can't Exalt Work immediately.
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