To All You OOA Women Rock'n Naturals.....

[Noble Work]

Another set back!!!

Yall know wife rocks wigs right? Ok now you do.

Wife called me with a happening few minutes ago.She gave me a synopsis but I can tell how the basis of the convo went.

Lady at the mall: ummm excuse me, hey ummm yea. listen. I don't know you honey but that wig is not right for you.

Wife: (embarrassed look) oh ok umm

Lady: yea it's not right for your head shape and it shows your weight.

(I'm sure it lasted longer than this though)

The reason why it's major for me is because this is not the first time someone has told her about the wig (s). I think they look good on her, but what do I know I'm a guy.

So now every other thought comes out of her mouth is "Imma go get a perm, Imma go get a perm".
Me. I say no baby don't get discouraged. Stop looking at the top of the hill, because you'll only get discourage because of the distance you'll have to cover. (What? I had to say something).

Now in my heart of hearts I thing the "lady" was being brutally honest and didn't mean any harm.

Now, you ladies who are going through this/did go through this how did you handle it? Did you take the advice (went out and bought more wigs) or THAT'S when you done the BC? Or did you say "ehhh what ever"?

[Bunny Hop]

I think the lady in the mall was just trying to make a sale. People are asses...they will say some stuff to you and never think about what they are really saying. I've gotten so many "compliments" that were either preceded or followed by an insult and most of the time I don't think the person was even aware.

The things that people say bother me FAR less now. I didn't really tell people that I was going natural until I was a year into my transition and this was when I stopped using heat altogether and started wearing buns, braid outs, rollersets, etc. Some of the stuff that people said and did spoke volumes and really got to me and I looked at a lot of people differently. After a few weeks of that I said F-em and just did me because it was what I wanted to do. Every once in a while it may sting or make me mad but it will never make me feel like I need to go and change my hair.

My Mom will tell me "I don't like that style on you" and I'll say "Ok, well I do" and keep it moving. I don't care that she doesn't like a particular style because it's my head, lol. She doesn't spend a penny on this head so I don't care. As long as you like it (and it's appropriate for the situation) then who cares what other folks think...F them all!! LOL

[Chal™]

lol @ Bun

Work, I agree totally with what Bunny's saying, but we do have to have styles that fit our faces. Everything isn't for everybody. So rather than give up, or just go on a wig shopping spree, tell Mrs. Work to find 2 or three that are flattering to her face frame. And no, you can not be the judge of them. After all, you're bias. She's beautiful to you no matter what. lol

as for the lady in the mall, people can be so ignorant at times. Mrs. Work should just keep her head up and keep it moving.

[Noble Work]

You know what.....Bun and Chal yall right .....E'fem.

Bun I didn't even think about the lady may have been trying to make a sell...lol
I believe this was some random lady cause Mrs. Work wasn't in a salon @the mall but still, you def made me think about that one.

Bun you didn't loose any friends did you?

[Bunny Hop]

I didn't loose any friends but there are definitely some things I will not talk about with a lot of people now. It showed me a new side to some people. Going natural is a pretty big change to a lot of women...a lot of women confidence, self esteem, an open mind, maturity, start taking care of themselves, etc and when you're trying to better yourself folks do not like it. I've seen it time and time again, mostly when it comes to school....everyone just isn't meant to travel with you.

[Chal™]

everyone just isn't meant to travel with you

thanks, Bun, for my next fb status update. I can quote you if you like. lol

[MochaD]

Jan 15, 2010 14:50:43 GMT -5 Noble Work said:

Another set back!!!

Now, you ladies who are going through this/did go through this how did you handle it? Did you take the advice (went out and bought more wigs) or THAT'S when you done the BC? Or did you say "ehhh what ever"?

I did the BC about a lil' over 2 months ago. I have about 2.5 inches of hair that now remains. I took my kinky twists out last Friday and went to a natural hair salon and got a coil out. Day 1 it was beautiful...nice and neat. Day 2, a lil' fuzzing. Day 3, I kept it in a Satin cap and this morning, much more fuzz...I was really considering calling out sick and going to get it braided. Not that it looked bad...well not too bad but I was like, "I can't go to work like this"...this is not my "Norm." The bottom line, you gotta own it! Embrace it!! And after spending some loot my hair for a trim, rinse, deep conditioner and coil out -lets just say it wasn't cheap. I could not justify to myself or my bank account to go out today and spend $160 on some braids. So, my solution, which seem to work wonders was a simple headband. I walked into work, head held HIGH. I don't wear makeup, but I did up my eyes, and a lil' lip gloss and when you have lil' to no hair ALL attention immediately goes to your face (unless you got a ghetto booty -LoL). I made it work and I felt good and I said I LIKE IT!! I got so many compliments this morning and everyone LOVES it. And I work in a brutally honest office so...not to mention I have no problem giving it so I was prepared to take it -LoL. Tell you wife to hang in there. Experiment and maybe she should consider wigs or headbands...until she gets the growth or length she desires. I did it. But at the end of the day shrinkage is a BEAST

[Noble Work]

Jan 19, 2010 10:22:30 GMT -5 MochaD said:

Jan 15, 2010 14:50:43 GMT -5 Noble Work said:

Another set back!!!

Now, you ladies who are going through this/did go through this how did you handle it? Did you take the advice (went out and bought more wigs) or THAT'S when you done the BC? Or did you say "ehhh what ever"?

I did the BC about a lil' over 2 months ago. I have about 2.5 inches of hair that now remains. I took my kinky twists out last Friday and went to a natural hair salon and got a coil out. Day 1 it was beautiful...nice and neat. Day 2, a lil' fuzzing. Day 3, I kept it in a Satin cap and this morning, much more fuzz...I was really considering calling out sick and going to get it braided. Not that it looked bad...well not too bad but I was like, "I can't go to work like this"...this is not my "Norm." The bottom line, you gotta own it! Embrace it!! And after spending some loot my hair for a trim, rinse, deep conditioner and coil out -lets just say it wasn't cheap. I could not justify to myself or my bank account to go out today and spend $160 on some braids. So, my solution, which seem to work wonders was a simple headband. I walked into work, head held HIGH. I don't wear makeup, but I did up my eyes, and a lil' lip gloss and when you have lil' to no hair ALL attention immediately goes to your face (unless you got a ghetto booty -LoL). I made it work and I felt good and I said I LIKE IT!! I got so many compliments this morning and everyone LOVES it. And I work in a brutally honest office so...not to mention I have no problem giving it so I was prepared to take it -LoL. Tell you wife to hang in there. Experiment and maybe she should consider wigs or headbands...until she gets the growth or length she desires. I did it. But at the end of the day shrinkage is a BEAST

You know what Mocha I'm considering cutting and pasting what you just typed. This is the exact substance she need to encourage her and let her know that she ain't the only one who is going though this. You've said something that I would love for her to resonate and that is "Own it" , "Embrace it".

Honestly I do not want her to get braids and yes for what she wants it will be about 160 dol. But money is not my issue. It's her damaging, stunting the growth of her hair. I want her to leave those wigs along, these sew ins, weave all of that and just do the damn thang. But I do understand her biggest worry and that is her temple hair has fallen out.

She's trying to go get braids this weekend and I don't know if I can stop her. I have always told her what ever makes her feel comfortable. But know when she goes she don't know if the "lady" can grasp the back of her her to braid so that she can get a so in. (If I'm saying that right)

I ain't gone give up on her though......Imma have my nappy headed, beautiful black queen!!!

[MochaD]

Lev, I know what your wife is going through. I experienced that as a child. Tell your wife to get with some really pretty scarfs and headbands along with frequent temple/edge massages using castor oil or fertilizing temp balm (Organic Roots) to help regrow her edges. Edges are REALLY sensitive and fragile and if her problem is as bad as you're saying braids will be her worse enemy. They are just going to make her problem go from bad to worse. Most braiders braid hair tight to make it look neat and keep longer and is usually NOT edge friendly. She can do the wigs but she want to allow her scalp to breathe and regain it's health. All that pulling and tuggin' and the extra weight of the hair is not good. She's going to have to eventually deal with her hair sooner or later and if she wants HER hair to be healthy she better start catering to it now. Keep encouraging her. She can do it!!

[LejaOMG]

Moke, you still 'round way? Where'd you get your coil-out?

[MochaD]

Yes, ma'am, I'm still in the erria -LoL. I went to www.essentialsbeautyspa.com. Renee hooked me up. Very fast and professional. Check her out, I highly doubt you will be dissappointed. If you go, please share your experience w/me. Enjoy!

[Noble Work]

Jan 19, 2010 12:10:04 GMT -5 MochaD said:

Lev, I know what your wife is going through. I experienced that as a child. Tell your wife to get with some really pretty scarfs and headbands along with frequent temple/edge massages using castor oil or fertilizing temp balm (Organic Roots) to help regrow her edges. Edges are REALLY sensitive and fragile and if her problem is as bad as you're saying braids will be her worse enemy. They are just going to make her problem go from bad to worse. Most braiders braid hair tight to make it look neat and keep longer and is usually NOT edge friendly. She can do the wigs but she want to allow her scalp to breathe and regain it's health. All that pulling and tuggin' and the extra weight of the hair is not good. She's going to have to eventually deal with her hair sooner or later and if she wants HER hair to be healthy she better start catering to it now. Keep encouraging her. She can do it!!

Mocha I'm talking to her on the cell now....lol. She STILL talking about getting braids. I'm telling here but baby even if you get a sew-in want your hair still be braided underneath? And don't you want your hair to breathe? And ain't braids right now the worst thing? Argggghhhhhhhh!!!

I think she is stuck on "How my hair look" look tip too much versus the bigger picture and that is healthy hair.

[MochaD]

At the end of the day folks gonna do what they wanna do regardless. But you're right, the bottom line is healthy hair AND in order to get healthy hair it begins with a healthy diet, exercise regimen AND a healthy scalp. Just communicate to your wife that MASKING her problem is not going to make it go away. Traction Alopecia is real and the more she keeps with the braids and sew-in more than likely her "temple issue" is going to grow...hair NOT INCLUDED. There was a girl on Tyra with the exact same problem. She was practically bald and had caused so much damage to her scalp from gluing her weave in and ripping her hair out when she removed it. Share this example with your wife...It's like dealing bad skin. You can constantly put on make up but that's just a cover up. The root problem will still remain and you will ALWAYS have to wear make-up to look "acceptable" to yourself and others. Tell her before she does anything to go to a dermatologist and see what they recommend. They can determine if it a real problem then they can help her to fix it. But honestly, like I said in the beginning she's going to do what she thinks is best for her. She sounds determined :/

[Bunny Hop]

I looked like whodunit a few days after my BC and then many more times after that, LOL. It happens...there will be good days and there will bad days. Get a scarf and some bobby pins, make it decent and walk out the door. I have an album called "WTF was I thinking that day?" Mocha is right, you have to own it.

Those bobby pins, scarves or headbands saved me many days.

[Noble Work]

Got it yall. She already used to wearing scarfs. I'll see if she's cool with headbands.

Everyone of you ladies are so supportive. I thank each and every one of you. Much Love Yall.

[LogAKAlly <3'n Keef]

This is almost a epidemic in the Black community.

[LejaOMG]

Gosh, that's so sad. My sister-in-law has long, gorgeous hair (which she relaxes a few times a year). The last touch-up she got burned ALL her edges off...it's like her hairline starts 2 inches further back than before. I've heard of ORS temple balm, but I have no idea whether it works. I want to suggest something, but IDK what. I feel awful for her

[MochaD]

Jan 19, 2010 14:53:35 GMT -5 LogAKAlly <3'n Keef said:

This is almost a epidemic in the Black community.

Oh, I know it. It's from years and years of tight azz hair- styles, over processed perms from being left in way too long and not properly keeping the hair moisturized. The nape of my hair, by neck neckline, would snap crackle and pop something fierce ESPECIALLY in the winter. I would put all types of oil and "grease" on it and get nothing but a dirty collar. Our hair NEED water -internally and externally. I don't know about y'all but speaking as a child that used to get her hair pressed we were made to think water was the devil. That's why most of us don't know how to swim...in fear of getting out hair wet. Natural is the best thing I could have done for myself. Even before "Good Hair" I knew them scabs could not be good AND I know when I was lil' I had LONG hair and never managed to achieve that length as an adult with my monthly "touch-ups." I'm not knocking perms BUT if I had to go that route again I would only do it 3-4 times a year as opposed to the every 6-8 weeks I was "advised" for touch ups. I'm Hairducated! I know better now so I do better ;D

[LejaOMG]

good point re: achieving childhood length as an adult. I can relate. I got my first relaxer in first grade. At that time, I had the mid-back length Rudy Huxtable hair. My hair has not since (until today) even given me the inclination that that length could be achieved again

[Noble Work]

awwww I just want to (((hug))) all of yall. It's terrible, soo traumatizing.

Log, my wife's hair is similar to that pic.

Mocha you are right. Mrs. Work told has always told me that her mother used to pull her hair back and up into that pom pom thingy back when she were little. THAT, and combined with weave and glue as a teenager and adult is what caused the damage.

Please God let it NOT be permanent damage.

Does anybody no of any help, oils, creams...juices and berries HELL!!! Something that can stimulate the hair root in that area?

I think early on someone here listed something. And I've got healthy diet, vegies, plenty of water, keep hair clean (moisturized and shampooed), let it breathe and what Mocha said; embrace it!!

[Noble Work]

@mocha and Leja I went to the ORS site and I will order some samples of the different products. As all of them do they talk a good game but you'll never know what good for your own hair until you try it right?

See I'm learning.


Do any of you ladies use Shea butter? If so, what do you rec? Is there a good Shea butter that works well for the body and not just the hair?

Is is good for men? Does your man use it? What are the benefits.

lol I bet yall like damn this ninja shooo asking a lot of questions. ;D

[Chal™]

my side hair was slim to none (although not as bad as that photo). When my mom realized she was killing my hair, she stopped with all the ponytails and started incorporating ways to let my hair hang, yet still allow me to look like a child. She finally went with the hair pulled up and tied with a purty ribbon or barette (yall know those lacey bows we wore on Sundays, lol) and the back hanging.

I am now 6 months without a perm and I only use heat every other other day (yes I intentionally used 2 others). When I wash my hair, I allow it to air dry. I use a moisturizer and walk around with my hair just free for the entire day. The next day, if I chose to wear MY hair) I may use a flat iron or curling iron to flatten my tresses. I wrap it every night. and don't comb it down until i'm about to walk out the door. I do need to find the strength to break away from weaves. I DID stop puttin the glue on my natural hair. Now I use a weave cap.

[Bunny Hop]

Jan 19, 2010 16:51:10 GMT -5 Noble Work said:

Do any of you ladies use Shea butter? If so, what do you rec? Is there a good Shea butter that works well for the body and not just the hair?

Is is good for men? Does your man use it? What are the benefits.

lol I bet yall like damn this ninja shooo asking a lot of questions. ;D

I use shea butter. There is some that I buy from a store called The Initiators that I use just on my feet and cuticles and then there's the kind that I buy to use for my hair

It can be yellow or off white but from my understanding the original color is off white, the yellow kind has palm oil added to it to make it easier to smooth on. I personally don't like the yellow kind for my hair because it makes my hair really oily. I buy the off white shea butter and mix it with coconut oil, aloe vera gel, sweet almond oil, and lavender essential oil and use it as a moisturizer for my hair.

But men use it for their hair and skin too. A little goes a long way.

[Noble Work]

Jan 19, 2010 17:03:02 GMT -5 Chal™ said:

my side hair was slim to none (although not as bad as that photo). When my mom realized she was killing my hair, she stopped with all the ponytails and started incorporating ways to let my hair hang, yet still allow me to look like a child. She finally went with the hair pulled up and tied with a purty ribbon or barette (yall know those lacey bows we wore on Sundays, lol) and the back hanging.

I am now 6 months without a perm and I only use heat every other other day (yes I intentionally used 2 others). When I wash my hair, I allow it to air dry. I use a moisturizer and walk around with my hair just free for the entire day. The next day, if I chose to wear MY hair) I may use a flat iron or curling iron to flatten my tresses. I wrap it every night. and don't comb it down until i'm about to walk out the door. I do need to find the strength to break away from weaves. I DID stop puttin the glue on my natural hair. Now I use a weave cap.

ahhh a weave cap. I think this is what my wife was trying to explain to me. It's for the sew-in right? So that the glue/weave won't touch your actual hair but instead the cap?

[Chal™]

i've never used it for a sew in, but i do use them for the quick weaves. and yes, that's the purpose. to keep the glue from your hair. Mind you, a miniscule amount can come through. A lot of women mess up their hair by just pulling the tracks out. There is a Bond (glue) remover that should be used. I know that some of the glue brands also have a shampoo that's suppose to be used. If you don't want to spend the extra money, use regular shampoo. Don't pull the tracks out, wash them out. shampoo loosens the glue amd makes it easier to get the glue out with minimal hair loss.

[peppermint]

The weave cap for sew-in is different from the ones used for quickweaves. The one for sew ins is more lacy looking.

[Chal™]

right. the lace. i have used it before for sew ins, but i don't do sew in's often. i like the spontaneity of quick weaves. i can wash it out and switch up with the quickness. lol

[ShimmeringSTAR]

@ Work ...I don't know if anyone stated but your wife mayy need to go to a salon and get it cut and styled to her face frame...


@ Leja....tell your sister in law to try Dr. Miracle nape...I love his products...it does wonders for me..

@ Bun...I love your hair and Outties...

I'm not a natural girl...I process but it took me years to find out what relaxers and products work for me...I also use natural products..I.e. milk..egg yolk

[Noble Work]

OK yall my wife is going to go get here hair done today. She or neither I know how she is going to get it done. All she know is she got to go....

Please Pray for her...... causse lawd have mercy if that child come back with a perm ohhhhaaa whooooooooo

After all me and the Ladies of OOA done been through with her

[Oren Ishii]

OMyLord!

L, let her know you support her & that diet/supplements can help. I know a lot of ladies who've improved their situation by starting with that as a foundation & combining with products later.

I have naturally long hair that grows quickly. I've started a supplement regimen just to maximize my growth, but my heart goes out to ladies who've experience this.

Jan 19, 2010 15:00:28 GMT -5 LejaOMG said:

Gosh, that's so sad. My sister-in-law has long, gorgeous hair (which she relaxes a few times a year). The last touch-up she got burned ALL her edges off...it's like her hairline starts 2 inches further back than before. I've heard of ORS temple balm, but I have no idea whether it works. I want to suggest something, but IDK what. I feel awful for her