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Post by BKupInHere on Oct 8, 2009 11:36:23 GMT -5
You handled that like a lady. He wanted you to beg/ask for him to build up his fragile ego. He's trying use you as an excuse not to marry this young lady,instead of MANNING UP and saying "I'm not ready to get married." He sounds like that insecure & incomplete little boy I wasted 2008 on...SMH...
That dialogue was WAY BETTER than a Lifetime Movie! Sanaa Lathan should play Leja. I wonder if Gary Coleman will be available to play Damie (who would also be known as "Basketball Player #1")?
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 8, 2009 13:59:27 GMT -5
You handled that like a lady. He wanted you to beg/ask for him to build up his fragile ego. He's trying use you as an excuse not to marry this young lady,instead of MANNING UP and saying "I'm not ready to get married." He sounds like that insecure & incomplete little boy I wasted 2008 on...SMH... That dialogue was WAY BETTER than a Lifetime Movie! Sanaa Lathan should play Leja. I wonder if Gary Coleman will be available to play Damie (who would also be known as "Basketball Player #1")?
...she should just walk around spilling store brand honey over herself so that she can Spiderman stick to her pole when she does her world famous Cowboys Defeat Dance. |
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Post by BKupInHere on Oct 9, 2009 14:03:31 GMT -5
You handled that like a lady. He wanted you to beg/ask for him to build up his fragile ego. He's trying use you as an excuse not to marry this young lady,instead of MANNING UP and saying "I'm not ready to get married." He sounds like that insecure & incomplete little boy I wasted 2008 on...SMH... That dialogue was WAY BETTER than a Lifetime Movie! Sanaa Lathan should play Leja. I wonder if Gary Coleman will be available to play Damie (who would also be known as "Basketball Player #1")?
...she should just walk around spilling store brand honey over herself so that she can Spiderman stick to her pole when she does her world famous Cowboys Defeat Dance. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by LejaOMG on Oct 9, 2009 14:45:07 GMT -5
Funny you should say that, BKup. Many, many people have said Sanaa Lathan is my celebrity look-a-like. I don't see it, but I'll take it!
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Post by BKupInHere on Oct 11, 2009 18:35:56 GMT -5
She not an "exact" lookalike,but you both look like "kin"! Just like Gry Coleman & Damie (except Gary is TALLER)
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Post by LejaOMG on Oct 14, 2009 13:28:16 GMT -5
Ok, I foresee having to act a donkey in this admissions office at some point before week's end. I really do.
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Post by Alc 06 on Oct 14, 2009 16:18:07 GMT -5
Ok, I foresee having to act a donkey in this admissions office at some point before week's end. I really do. Your HBCU experience this weekend paid off huh? I see you learned some things |
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Post by LejaOMG on Oct 20, 2009 12:08:20 GMT -5
Ok, I'm a deadline-maker. I never miss them, often graze them, but never miss them. Today's deadlines:
Apply for Clinical Law Program
Submit Law Review Article draft
Made them both. As for the clinic, I ranked the programs in this order:
1. Civil Advocacy
2. Immigrant Rights
3. Family Law
4. Community Development
5. Criminal Prosecution
6. Criminal Defense
I'm not white and I haven't screwed anyone in admissions, so most people would assume I'm not getting my first choice. iHATE criminal practice. Hate hate hate it. BUT...I will make the most of it if it means I get some trial experience. iHATE crim so much that I ranked a "paperwork clinic" above it. It could just be that crooked-azz crim lawyer I worked for last year that soured me on the practice. Prosecution might not be as wack. If the only program I get is Criminal Defense, I'm dropping out of school (or maybe sashaying down to the Dean's suite). LoL. As for family, it's probably a pretty cool practice area, but I'm scarred for life by the bogus professor I had. I know the fam kids STAY in the court room. Comm Devel is an interest of mine, but I don't think I need to waste a semester of school practicing it. If I get placed there, I'll have a great time, but I'm not certain what it'll add to my marketability. I know one thing, I'll probably learn some business law in there that will make my own company take off! Silver lining. I'm a G at appellate practice, transactional, litigation process and so on, but I'd be remiss to let myself graduate without getting some real-talk court room time, especially since my job is not trialistic .
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Post by LejaOMG on Oct 20, 2009 12:16:20 GMT -5
hypeness.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 20, 2009 12:21:39 GMT -5
Post 130,000
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Post by LejaOMG on Oct 20, 2009 13:03:53 GMT -5
yours or mine?
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 20, 2009 13:15:52 GMT -5
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Post by LejaOMG on Oct 20, 2009 13:21:36 GMT -5
Which was the 130kth?my post? or your post announcing it?
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 20, 2009 13:22:56 GMT -5
Mine was.
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Post by BKupInHere on Oct 20, 2009 17:09:01 GMT -5
Leja! Dont let Damie's "Random Musings" take over Your "Random Musings". This is his subtle "Damie Dumbination" plot,LOL.
He's slowly taking over...Q-Megatron must be stopped...
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Post by LejaOMG on Nov 13, 2009 13:11:51 GMT -5
Ok, fam. I enjoyed hanging with you that one time. Thanks for springing for some pay-per-view. Real classy. But nah for real, I don't really want to go out with you again. It's not you, it's me. My schedule is really, really full and it takes effort to carve out an evening. I would literally have to forego something else in order to pencil you in. So check it: I did a quick cost/benefit analysis of the whole situation and it appears that implicit and explicit cost of a 3-hour date with you exceeds its utility by about $40. So please don't be mad at me. It's cold hard math.
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Post by Gamma on Nov 16, 2009 23:34:59 GMT -5
the math doesn't lie!
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Post by LejaOMG on Feb 25, 2010 11:14:52 GMT -5
I've never really been consistent with working out. I'd go to the gym in 2-week spurts (with 6 month breaks in-between). Some people get some type of high offa exercising. Me? I hate that ish. I'd much rather exercise my wrist with a brandy glass or my forearm with a dinner fork.
My weight fluctuates throughout the year depending on how I eat, final exams, vacations, seasons, etc. Opposite of many people I tend to lose more weight in the winter (mainly because I cook more often, thereby eating healthier). On the other hand, I have to buy slightly larger miniskirts with each passing summer (mixed drinks, full of sugar and vacation-induced gluttony).
It's a difficult thing when you feel good AND you look good to make yourself do some uncomfortable ish like working out. It'd be one thing if they didn't make fly clothes in my size or if I couldn't walk, but I have zero discipline. So...I hired a trainer, ya'll. And several times a week, I pay him money in exchange for hazing me. And I'm really enjoying it! Like, the ish hurts! Bad! My abs hurt when I laugh. My arms hurt when I zip my boots. But my energy level is through the roof, I'm sleeping really well and waking up rested. It's a shame I had to part with so much my money to improve my life this way...
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 8, 2010 14:53:17 GMT -5
In case I'm ever asked what my greatest weakness in a work setting would be, I've found the answer. Also, I've figured out why this is such a solid part of my persona.
I've heard it from my mom all my life and at least once from each employer I've ever had and I, myself have noticed it over the years, but never considered it a bad thing. Even when bosses complain, I chalk it up to "how I am"
Here goes: I have a hard time helping people empathize with me. No, I did not say that backwards. I do fine at feeling other people's emotions, but unless I say it expressly, people cannot usually tell how I feel about a given subject. I'm not emotion-less, but somehow, the way I act, gesture and contort my face makes people believe that I feel the opposite of how I really feel. Of course the vast majority of communication is non-verbal, so this has caused some problems for me. Especially when I'm "performing." (i.e. talking to superiors, presenting research, etc.)
Let me start from the very beginning. Between the ages of 8 and 14 I had a special talent for losing housekeys and earrings. I would inform my mother with a straight face: "Ma, I lost my earring/housekey." And she would get upset, and she would yell at me for several minutes, threaten to send me away, refuse to tell me she loved me, compare me to my worthless father and so on. And when she was done, I'd shrug my shoulders and say "Again. I apologize. I'll try to do better" and go to my room.
Sometimes, by the next day she was over it. But usually not. After a few days of intense punishment (i.e. not allowing me to catch the bus to school, but making me walk 3-4 miles... making me cut up my hands by pulling thorns out of the garden without gloves) she would finally say "are you ready to be sorry now?" and I'd force myself to cry, and she'd be satisfied, and we'd all move on. Somewhere in high school, I decided to cut that out. I remember a specific time where I lost a $10 bill she'd given me. I admitted it. I attempted to give her a $20 bill of my own to make up for it. She told me, "I don't want your stupid money! Just act like you care! You're so flippant all the time. Instead of showing genuine remorse for doing something wrong, you just want to run and fix the problem. Sometimes you just need let someone see that you understand that you've done something wrong and that you're truly sorry."
Ah ha!
But that didn't learn me. That singular conversation couldn't un-do the decade of experiences I'd had. Naturally, I'm a person oriented to results. Processes have never mattered to me. If something goes wrong, no need to harp on it. I only have time for solutions.
So I had a job in undergrad where my boss would occasionally pull me into her office simply to "reprimand" me for something or another. But she liked to fuss. A lot. It was never an interactive experience, never a conversation, just an outlet for her to fuss at me til she felt better. It didn't offend me, I just found it to be a profound waste of time! One day after her diatribe, I asked "so, are you going to suspend or terminate me?" She returned a look of genuine shock. I said "no, really. If you're not planning to officially discipline me, I could have spent this last 20 minutes fixing the problem. And if you are planning to officially discipline me, you could at least be filling out the necessary forms while you yell at me."
Once, in an interview for a fancy fellowship, I lost preference points after I explained that I don't wallow in my mistakes. I serve God. He forgives me when I mess up; I do the same for myself. Occasionally, I do something wrong. Occasionally someone else has to point it out to me. I fix it. I move on. I can't beat myself up if I'm going to focus on improvement.
It happened again in my current job. My supervisor reamed me OUT in front of my partner for awhile. Admittedly, I did something wrong. Something easily corrected, but something wrong nonetheless. And she's saying "do you understand what you've done here? Can you see that our work will suffer because of a mistake you made? Are you making the connection?!" I answered "yes." She didn't believe me. "Do you really, Ms. Moreno? I don't think you do. I think you think it's no big deal." I asked whether she wanted me to answer. She did. "Ma'am, I understand the gravity of the situation. I understand how and why I made the mistake. I will correct it." She said "so, you need to [insert list of unnecessary things designed simply to stress me out], because this is unacceptable." I said "ok." She, visibly more upset, said " No! It's not ok!" I had to take care not to shrug my shoulders. I really, truly care about what happened and I care very much about fixing the problem and I will take great care not to make the same mistake in the future. But I had no idea how to express this non-verbally. I wasn't willing to hang my head in shame. Or make myself cry. Or say aloud 'oh, I'm so stupid' (as my partner sometimes does). I had only my words, which she rejected.
I'm not sure how, if at all I'll set out to address this issue. But its interesting that after all these years, I'm finally able to put my finger both on the issue, and on its root cause.
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Post by Cambist on Mar 8, 2010 15:06:27 GMT -5
Word of advice: Lear to fake at least a bit of emotion before your orals. Not too much...just a bit. LOL!!
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 8, 2010 15:12:25 GMT -5
Word of advice: Lear to fake at least a bit of emotion before your orals. Not too much...just a bit. LOL!! {~~ has won "best advocate/best oralist" all three years {~~ is not aware of faking emotion beforehand |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 8, 2010 15:13:59 GMT -5
That is a very interesting issue. It's most interesting that most of your examples involve some sort of discipline or reprimands. Does this issue seem to surface only during those situations?
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 8, 2010 15:18:37 GMT -5
That is a very interesting issue. It's most interesting that most of your examples involve some sort of discipline or reprimands. Does this issue seem to surface only during those situations? Yes, I think so. I do tend to be calm, cool and collected in general, but the only time it's a problem is if I'm being reprimanded and failing to act "sorry" enough. For people who do not understand my personality (including my mother), it's usually a problem. With my friends, I don't have a guard up. So if I offend one of you guys and you tell me, you already know me well enough to know that I didn't mean it and my apology is simply a reaffirmation of what you already knew. I don't have to put on a special act. You can see my sincerity in other ways. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 8, 2010 15:28:40 GMT -5
Like Cam said you need to get a generic "empathy" act that includes a look and voice tone.
I think thats a apart of communication. When we are the disciplinarians we look for those things to ensure we have reprimaded adequately.
This reminds me of the last spanking I got. I was about 11 and did something foolish and my dad proceed to teach my a lesson but it just didn't hurt so I didn't cry. He spanked harder ... it did sting but I didn't cry...I wasn't holding the cry in and I really was sorry and just wanted it to be over but the fact that I didn't cry seemed to affect him... so he punched me in the chest... that did the trick...lol
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 8, 2010 15:41:25 GMT -5
I'm tryna think back to when I was online (because most people consider that period the quintessence of humility). I ate a lot of crow in those days. I took a lot of heat for folks for stuff THEY did. I tolerated a lot of *clears throat* "correction" when I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. I never, ever talked back. Yet and still, I don't remember "acting sorry." I didn't self-deprecate. I didn't beat myself up for things I couldn't change. I think things were more cut and dry then. If she was gonna punish us, she did. If she wasn't, she wasnt. She wasn't a big fusser. She was a reprimander/corector, but when it was over, it was over. It was like "on to the next one." My dean flat out did not permit us to cry. At all. She'd always say "all that energy you're wastin on them tears, you could be gettin your ish back." That really clicked with my learning style.
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Post by QueenOH on Mar 8, 2010 15:42:19 GMT -5
I'm the same way and my mom thinks I'm snotty because of it, my sister thinks I don't care about anything.
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Post by Kryptik on Mar 8, 2010 16:23:29 GMT -5
Awww, poor dear Leja... I too suffer from similar plight. Those of us who are cool, calm, and analytical typically find that others will call us emotionless and passionless when this couldn't be farther from the truth. For me, it typically manifest when someone tells me something sad, such as the death of a relative or friend. Being the logical cat that I am, I am aware that such things are a part of life, oh well... but I have found others don't quite work work this way. My advice is to learn to tilt your head, quirk your brow, and nod appropriately to the situation. P.S. Don't get mad at me if you notice me doing this to you!  |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 9, 2010 9:33:39 GMT -5
maybe you should break out a good slave voice ... "I's shole is sowry Ms. I's shole is sowry" If that's not the epitone of humility I dont know what is.
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Post by BKupInHere on Mar 10, 2010 11:30:48 GMT -5
My Godfather's son is the same way. My Godfather's will get to yelling and his daughter immediately starts to cry etc. But the son shows no emotion (but explains himself). I asked him if it bothered him when his Dad yells at him. He said "no,because he will eventually stop yelling."
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Post by BKupInHere on Mar 10, 2010 11:31:22 GMT -5
<--is NOT like that
<--big Ole Wuss
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