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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on May 14, 2009 19:23:26 GMT -5
I know a few. For what its worth, I don't feel like a marriage is necessarily a failure just because it ends in divorce. I feel like a marriage is a failure when one or both parties regret ever getting married in the first place. Sadly, most of the couples I know regret ever getting married in the first place. I agree. I don't want to be in that spectrum. I feel as long as we align our relationship with God, to each other, then we should be fine. Whatever concerns we have, should be brought to the table, BEFORE any ring is brought forth.Why go thru all that hassle after I say yes? Hyp, good luck with that. There's a phrase that goes..."You don't even know - what you don't know" Trust me when I tell you - marriage will teach you things about yourself that you didn't even know - good and bad. |
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Post by Mrs. Eyes on May 14, 2009 19:30:02 GMT -5
I agree. I don't want to be in that spectrum. I feel as long as we align our relationship with God, to each other, then we should be fine. Whatever concerns we have, should be brought to the table, BEFORE any ring is brought forth.Why go thru all that hassle after I say yes? Hyp, good luck with that. There's a phrase that goes..."You don't even know - what you don't know" Trust me when I tell you - marriage will teach you things about yourself that you didn't even know - good and bad. I feel you there, cuz getting married is like the blind leading the blind. You don't know where in THEE HELL yall are about to go. I'm talking about any concerns we will have before we even think about marriage. Like does he want kids? Will we move, etc. |
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on May 14, 2009 19:34:12 GMT -5
I feel stuff like that should and could be brought to the light before hand...
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Post by THE emPRISS on May 14, 2009 19:35:26 GMT -5
I have this guy @ work that makes me look sideways at marriages. 1. They got married for the baby. 2. She is cheating on him, and he knows it. 3. He helped her jump-off get a job at where we work. 4. Her jump off is also married. 5. She is now pregnant with said jump-off's baby. Like how much must you endure to keep "working on your marriage"? But this is how much THEY have to endure.... They are clearly only married for the tax benefits....this is not a marriage IMO. It's something, but it aint a marriage. More like two people who had a big ol' party and dressed up nice. Sounds like my cousin and his "wife". |
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Post by THE emPRISS on May 14, 2009 19:38:00 GMT -5
Does anybody in this post actually know any FAITHFUL, HAPPILY married people?  I don't know that many people who are married, faithful and happy about it. I knew this one woman that claimed she was happy--but she and her husband divorced. I can only say what I see on theoutside....who knows what really goes on in their homes, heads, and hearts. So I can say yes...but with that caveat. |
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Post by nsync on May 14, 2009 19:44:45 GMT -5
The concept of marriage is outdated in my opinion. I am not afraid of marriage because I recognize it's outdated and I don't hold me nor my boo to the outdated standards. However, I am slighty on edge about becoming a mother(but that hasn't happened yet so I still have time to work it out, because I think its a blessing.  ) To me marriage is like any other relationship. Even if it doesn't end it will definately CHANGE. I think it's natural to be nervous about change/transition and committment. Most of the people I know struggle in marriage or have struggled even my parents both sets. However they stay and they work it out. I think that's what causes me not to be afraid. If they can work through it so can I. I am not expecting the heavens and the stars for every moment of marriage. I dunno... I do know one thing though. Ima need me a woman cave. LOL |
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Post by THE emPRISS on May 14, 2009 19:48:58 GMT -5
For the married folk....how is marriage different from dating?
Seriously, because to me....marriage just seems like one long ass long term relationship.
I really want to know what's so great about it.
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Post by Mrs. Eyes on May 14, 2009 19:50:44 GMT -5
For the married folk....how is marriage different from dating? Seriously, because to me....marriage just seems like one long ass long term relationship. I really want to know what's so great about it. Isn't that what marriage is? A long ass long term relationship? LOL! |
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Post by THE emPRISS on May 14, 2009 20:12:02 GMT -5
For the married folk....how is marriage different from dating? Seriously, because to me....marriage just seems like one long ass long term relationship. I really want to know what's so great about it. Isn't that what marriage is? A long ass long term relationship? LOL! lol...then outside of the tax break...seriously, whats the point? There has to be some prize that we single folk dont know about. There has to be a golden ticket, something you get that you can ONLY get by being married. I need to know! lol |
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Post by DamieQue™ on May 14, 2009 21:03:50 GMT -5
Isn't that what marriage is? A long ass long term relationship? LOL! lol...then outside of the tax break...seriously, whats the point? There has to be some prize that we single folk dont know about. There has to be a golden ticket, something you get that you can ONLY get by being married. I need to know! lol Sex on demand. Guilt free sex... well at least biblically endorsed guilt free sex. Knowing who you're gonna take with you to an outing, event, movie, party, etc. For women there's that whole 3 month salary ring thing. For men there's...
...there's someone who will take you to the hospital when you drink yourself into a coma... I guess. Oh wait wait wait... someone who will feed you a home cooked - ... wait a minute... nevermind... I keep forgetting that this one is up for grabs in 2009. You may not get a damn toaster strudel let alone a meal in this day and age. In fact it may be up to YOU to do the cooking. I guess as a man you get someone who you occasionally get to fix things for...
...that's kind of an around about plus.
The more I think about it... what exactly do men get that they don't already have as just boyfriend and girlfriend? We got tax break... and we got split bills...
...married dudes (where is Big PUN when you need him) what are the perks of marriage? We're drawing a blank out here. |
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Post by nsync on May 14, 2009 21:12:39 GMT -5
I think that tax benefit thing is a myth. Kids are where the real benefits come in! Folks be racking up. The more kids the more money.  Oh don't forget possibly getting a better insurance plan. Your boo works for the goberment. You get on their medical insurance and you can get a whole new life for virtually free. ;D I think marriage is about "ownership" People like it because they think they are gonna get to own someone. From what I can see, that can be no further from the truth. |
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Post by Prissy New Year!!! on May 14, 2009 21:36:31 GMT -5
Let me chime in here...
I will be married 17 years in July and I can pretty much sum this thing up.
There really are no guarantees. I can understand those of you who say you want to be 1000% sure, but good luck with that. All you can really do is make the best choices based on the information you have. But you have to make sure that you are doing a true assessment, look past the superficial and really get to know the person. Are they loving and generous or bitter and self centered, do they love children, are they nice to your family, do they respect you, do they do what they say they are going to do, etc. All of these things will be very important later.
Once you choose the person, a marriage is a series of decisions. You have to decide to be faithful, you have to decide to place that persons needs above your own--even if it seems like they are not doing the same, you have to decide to act in ways that you sometimes don't feel. I don't always feel love for my husband, but I have to act that way until those feelings return.
I was 21 when I met my husband and I knew immediately that he was the guy I would marry---I was a fool.
I have been in my home for about 2 1/2 years and I can't even choose curtains or color palettes for any of my rooms. It is too much of a commitment, I find something that I like but then get afraid to buy it because I may later find something I like better. I am more selective about curtains than I was about the man I married.
I suffered for that...it has all worked out now, but there were many years of suffering because I did not do my due diligence. It has worked out because I made those daily decisions, and he made those daily decisions and we worked our way back to each other.
I don't think that anyone should fear marriage, but don't take it lightly. There are a lot of marriages that end in divorce. I used to think that divorce was the worst thing that could happen, but I have friends that have gone through a divorce, and although it was painful, they have healed and are doing fine.
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Post by nsync on May 14, 2009 21:45:54 GMT -5
exalt Let me chime in here... I will be married 17 years in July and I can pretty much sum this thing up. There really are no guarantees. I can understand those of you who say you want to be 1000% sure, but good luck with that. All you can really do is make the best choices based on the information you have. But you have to make sure that you are doing a true assessment, look past the superficial and really get to know the person. Are they loving and generous or bitter and self centered, do they love children, are they nice to your family, do they respect you, do they do what they say they are going to do, etc. All of these things will be very important later. Once you choose the person, a marriage is a series of decisions. You have to decide to be faithful, you have to decide to place that persons needs above your own--even if it seems like they are not doing the same, you have to decide to act in ways that you sometimes don't feel. I don't always feel love for my husband, but I have to act that way until those feelings return. I was 21 when I met my husband and I knew immediately that he was the guy I would marry---I was a fool. I have been in my home for about 2 1/2 years and I can't even choose curtains or color palettes for any of my rooms. It is too much of a commitment, I find something that I like but then get afraid to buy it because I may later find something I like better. I am more selective about curtains than I was about the man I married. I suffered for that...it has all worked out now, but there were many years of suffering because I did not do my due diligence. It has worked out because I made those daily decisions, and he made those daily decisions and we worked our way back to each other. I don't think that anyone should fear marriage, but don't take it lightly. There are a lot of marriages that end in divorce. I used to think that divorce was the worst thing that could happen, but I have friends that have gone through a divorce, and although it was painful, they have healed and are doing fine. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on May 14, 2009 21:48:03 GMT -5
Let me chime in here... I will be married 17 years in July and I can pretty much sum this thing up. There really are no guarantees. I can understand those of you who say you want to be 1000% sure, but good luck with that. All you can really do is make the best choices based on the information you have. But you have to make sure that you are doing a true assessment, look past the superficial and really get to know the person. Are they loving and generous or bitter and self centered, do they love children, are they nice to your family, do they respect you, do they do what they say they are going to do, etc. All of these things will be very important later. Once you choose the person, a marriage is a series of decisions. You have to decide to be faithful, you have to decide to place that persons needs above your own--even if it seems like they are not doing the same, you have to decide to act in ways that you sometimes don't feel. I don't always feel love for my husband, but I have to act that way until those feelings return. I was 21 when I met my husband and I knew immediately that he was the guy I would marry---I was a fool. I have been in my home for about 2 1/2 years and I can't even choose curtains or color palettes for any of my rooms. It is too much of a commitment, I find something that I like but then get afraid to buy it because I may later find something I like better. I am more selective about curtains than I was about the man I married. I suffered for that...it has all worked out now, but there were many years of suffering because I did not do my due diligence. It has worked out because I made those daily decisions, and he made those daily decisions and we worked our way back to each other. I don't think that anyone should fear marriage, but don't take it lightly. There are a lot of marriages that end in divorce. I used to think that divorce was the worst thing that could happen, but I have friends that have gone through a divorce, and although it was painful, they have healed and are doing fine.
Since you typed all that can you tell us what some of the benefits that you perceive (tangible or not - just as long as you feel they are benefits) |
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Post by T-Rex91 on May 14, 2009 21:49:40 GMT -5
Unless I missed it, none of the married folk have been overly enthusiastic about being married. I think that's what scares single folk.
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Post by Sapphire on May 14, 2009 21:51:23 GMT -5
Same here. I live in the DC area. It is a cornucopia of fine women... many of them professional... many of them with great personalities (as best you can tell)... two-thirds of whom have an STD... but please, continyuh DEAD |
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Post by nsync on May 14, 2009 21:56:47 GMT -5
I know and they ALWAYS HAVE A STORY OR LITTLE HINTS. O M G It's exhausting. Sunday my fiance and I went to pick up a book to aid us in pre-marrital counseling. The lady at the store was trying to help me find the perfect match of a book. She said "well you know all these books are for folks who are having problems in their marriage. You guys are not there yet." I laughed and said you say that as if it's GOING to OCCUR. She gave me a knowing look and formed a perched smile. I told her she was scaring me. She just kept that little smile. She would not deny or confirm. LOL I talked about that all this week. When I told my mother my mom said..."wellllllllllllllllll that's the fun part. You will get to see if what's she's saying is right or wrong." I say eff it. To the windows to the walls. What will be will be. Just pray for strength to continue to make strong decisions like Prissy said. Man that post was awesome. I might have to exalt it again. Unless I missed it, none of the married folk have been overly enthusiastic about being married. I think that's what scares single folk. |
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Post by Prissy New Year!!! on May 14, 2009 22:07:34 GMT -5
Let me chime in here... I will be married 17 years in July and I can pretty much sum this thing up. There really are no guarantees. I can understand those of you who say you want to be 1000% sure, but good luck with that. All you can really do is make the best choices based on the information you have. But you have to make sure that you are doing a true assessment, look past the superficial and really get to know the person. Are they loving and generous or bitter and self centered, do they love children, are they nice to your family, do they respect you, do they do what they say they are going to do, etc. All of these things will be very important later. Once you choose the person, a marriage is a series of decisions. You have to decide to be faithful, you have to decide to place that persons needs above your own--even if it seems like they are not doing the same, you have to decide to act in ways that you sometimes don't feel. I don't always feel love for my husband, but I have to act that way until those feelings return. I was 21 when I met my husband and I knew immediately that he was the guy I would marry---I was a fool. I have been in my home for about 2 1/2 years and I can't even choose curtains or color palettes for any of my rooms. It is too much of a commitment, I find something that I like but then get afraid to buy it because I may later find something I like better. I am more selective about curtains than I was about the man I married. I suffered for that...it has all worked out now, but there were many years of suffering because I did not do my due diligence. It has worked out because I made those daily decisions, and he made those daily decisions and we worked our way back to each other. I don't think that anyone should fear marriage, but don't take it lightly. There are a lot of marriages that end in divorce. I used to think that divorce was the worst thing that could happen, but I have friends that have gone through a divorce, and although it was painful, they have healed and are doing fine.
Since you typed all that can you tell us what some of the benefits that you perceive (tangible or not - just as long as you feel they are benefits)I am going to give you the benefits, then you will give me an exalt!!! It has taken us a long time to get to this point, but I know that he is in my corner. He really loves me, I can let my guard down around him, he knows all of my insecurities and fears and he has made it his business to help me work through them. He is my best friend and my future. We are permanently joined together through our children. We are a team when it comes to raising them. I look forward to growing old with him, spoiling our grandchildren together, fighting his battles with him. All of those things are what we share, I know it sounds corny, but it is true and that is the life that we have built together through sacrifice and tears and love and an undying faith in God. We finally got it right and it feels really good. I know that he will always be here for me. This is not something that happens in 5 years of marriage or even 10 years, sometimes. You know how you see those old couples at the buffet, holding hands and seeming so comfortable with each other; they are old and wrinkled and any physical beauty that they may have once possessed is long gone? They get that way after years of building a life together, they may have suffered major disappointment with each other, but they hang in there, they forgive and rebuild and make the necessary changes to make the marriage work. After years and years of that, you get to the point where you just know that your marriage is solid and you know that this is it, until death do you part. And that is just fine, because although you may see someone that is more attractive than your spouse, none of that matters because that person is almost a part of you. Too many people give up before they get to this point. |
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Post by nsync on May 14, 2009 22:15:24 GMT -5
Dangit Prissy you are going to make me cry. It reminds me of my grandpop and grandma. I went to visit them on Mother's day. Recently my aunt found a picture of them in their early twenties (I think I said that on here already) Either way they were a gorgeous coupl. Now seeing them approx 50 years later...and watching them smile and giggle over the photo together is priceless.
My grandpop told me my grandmom got him a gift he really needed for his birthday and he almost cried. They have seen so many things together. They are now on their great grandchildren and they still have love for each other despite it all.
That's inspiration to me.
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Post by Prissy New Year!!! on May 14, 2009 22:17:51 GMT -5
I know and they ALWAYS HAVE A STORY OR LITTLE HINTS. O M G It's exhausting. Sunday my fiance and I went to pick up a book to aid us in pre-marrital counseling. The lady at the store was trying to help me find the perfect match of a book. She said "well you know all these books are for folks who are having problems in their marriage. You guys are not there yet." I laughed and said you say that as if it's GOING to OCCUR. She gave me a knowing look and formed a perched smile. I told her she was scaring me. She just kept that little smile. She would not deny or confirm. LOLI talked about that all this week. When I told my mother my mom said..."wellllllllllllllllll that's the fun part. You will get to see if what's she's saying is right or wrong." I say eff it. To the windows to the walls. What will be will be. Just pray for strength to continue to make strong decisions like Prissy said. Man that post was awesome. I might have to exalt it again. Unless I missed it, none of the married folk have been overly enthusiastic about being married. I think that's what scares single folk. At the bolded blue part...picture me with a knowing look and a perched smile...it WILL occur. Just know it and get ready for it. I mean if you think about it, marriage is not a natural state of being. We come on this earth focused solely on our needs and on what makes us feel good. As we grow and mature, we then LEARN to have empathy for others. Marriage is a whole 'nother level. You have to join your life with someone who was not raised like you, has different expectations (that sometimes will not be shared with you, cuz they think you should know it), has a lifetime of experiences BEFORE they met you, that shaped the person that they have become. Then you all take these wonderful vows and for about 2 weeks, it is all good. What do you do at the end of those 2 weeks? That is when your decisions come into play. You really need to make sure that you are equally yoked. Too many people get into a marriage with no consideration of what it will really take, and with no desire to seek God for the wisdom they need. When you get married, you both make vows to each other, but most importantly you make vows to God. God has to be the head of your marriage. If I had to rely on my love and committment to my husband to be the factors that made me stay in the marriage and treat him well, he would have really been in trouble. When I couldn't do it for my husband, I had to rely on my committment to God. My love/fear of God and my commitment to my relationship with Him never faltered. So if His word says to submit, I submit, not because of how I feel about my husband but because of how I feel about God. When things were tough, I would obey God, all the while praying that God would restore my feelings for my husband and that He would heal my heart. |
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Post by nsync on May 14, 2009 22:20:15 GMT -5
Yes ma'am.
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Post by T-Rex91 on May 14, 2009 22:27:37 GMT -5
*makes mental note hit Prissy up for virtual pre-engagement counseling. can pay in exalts*
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Post by Prissy New Year!!! on May 14, 2009 22:32:03 GMT -5
*makes mental note hit Prissy up for virtual pre-engagement counseling. can pay in exalts* I will be glad to do it. I try to keep it real, it will not be all hearts and flowers, but it can be really good if you work at it. |
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Post by 123Diva on May 14, 2009 22:39:36 GMT -5
Exalt for Prissy.
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on May 15, 2009 5:58:45 GMT -5
I mentioned to Hyp that on Yesterday.... I heard a sermon on the radio that said when GOD has that person for you..You know automatically that, thats the person and he will continue to give you chances that will get you where you need to be...Look inside youself if you are afraid.. then its not for you...What some have to understand is instead of harping on the bad...Whats the good...What is the good that made you say yes to him/her ( for Loggie..LOL) oppose to NO because nine out of ten if you have doubts before..." I do"...WON'T make it won't work... And you can't go into a marriage listening to everyone...Because what they are willing to endure you may not...Prissy 17 years... ( I did NOT know you were that old) j/k but I don't think you were a fool..You hung in there because he was made for you...GOD figured that you can/could have assisted in making him the man he knew he could be...It was reasoning and LOGIC... |
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Post by Bunny Hop on May 15, 2009 6:24:26 GMT -5
*EXALT* for Priss!
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on May 15, 2009 6:42:08 GMT -5
*Mental Note Read Whole Thread*
Dang Prissy in hea counseling folks...Go head on...Im going to exalt you as well....Thats wisdom...
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Post by Cambist on May 15, 2009 6:50:00 GMT -5
Can someone give me the Cliff's Notes of this thread? I know Priss has been in here holding class.
My take?
BE AFRAID! BE VERY AFRAID!!!!
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on May 15, 2009 6:53:38 GMT -5
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO Hush Cam
Cliff Notes
RELY ON GOD in everything you DO!!!!
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Post by Cambist on May 15, 2009 7:06:56 GMT -5
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO Hush Cam Cliff Notes RELY ON GOD in everything you DO!!!! Gotcha! And that's true because Marriage is not some normal chyt! A wise man once said, "Marriage, like Mental Hospitals and Prisons, is an institution." I'm just sayin.... OH! And in my most humble opinion....no man under the age of 30 should ever be allowed to say "I do" or "I will".... |
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I don't know that many people who are married, faithful and happy about it.
)
