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Post by 123Diva on Oct 28, 2008 15:30:09 GMT -5
Ladies (and gents), what are the initial signs that a man is controlling in a relationship?
What are some things that you or your 'friends' have experienced? And I don't mean the violent, crazy, obvious situations either; I'm talking about the very early signs that could easily be missed (and possibly masked as being concerned or loving) that should tell you to run for the hills.
What is acceptable interaction vs. unacceptable interaction?
Run it!
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Post by coldfront06 on Oct 28, 2008 15:51:29 GMT -5
I object Diva...I'm sure several of us fellas have been involved with women who were/attempted to be controlling...but you excluded us...lol.
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 28, 2008 15:56:09 GMT -5
checking your phone (call logs, text messages, etc)
deleting calls, text messages, emails, etc
he does wrong, you get mad, and then flips it on you to make it seem like you did something wrong (IMO these are tests to see how much they can get away with)
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 28, 2008 15:56:50 GMT -5
@cold and the rest of the Men: Please share your experiences with controlling members of the opposite sex as well...
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 28, 2008 15:58:35 GMT -5
anyone who does not want you to have any friends of the opposite sex or friends period
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Post by coldfront06 on Oct 28, 2008 16:03:40 GMT -5
In my experience, women who constantly offer unsolicited advice and question everything a man does shows signs of being controlling. Its different than just trying to be helpful...it almost feels like she's trying to be your mother.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 28, 2008 16:04:29 GMT -5
he does wrong, you get mad, and then flips it on you to make it seem like you did something wrong
Carry on. |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 28, 2008 16:07:25 GMT -5
he does wrong, you get mad, and then flips it on you to make it seem like you did something wrong
Carry on. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 28, 2008 16:08:41 GMT -5
Point of order: this is actually standard operating procedures in the black man's hand book - it's in Chapter 2 or 3 (I can't remember). Especially if she's bringing up an old argument.
Carry on.
*Shakes fist at Prissy* |
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Post by coldfront06 on Oct 28, 2008 16:14:13 GMT -5
Ladies,
Have you ever had a man to order for you in a restaurant? That seems like some controlling sh!t to me. I mean when I take my women to McDonalds, I let them order whatever they want...they can ever supersize it. I would never say "She'll have a #3" without asking her first.
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 28, 2008 16:16:54 GMT -5
he does wrong, you get mad, and then flips it on you to make it seem like you did something wrong
Carry on.My experience tells me that Damie is 110% correct. I was going to make the same comment... |
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 28, 2008 16:18:32 GMT -5
Ladies, Have you ever had a man to order for you in a restaurant? That seems like some controlling sh!t to me. I mean when I take my women to McDonalds, I let them order whatever they want...they can ever supersize it. I would never say "She'll have a #3" without asking her first. Cold, you're a mess!!! Would you have her order a drink, taste it decide it's too strong, and tell the bartender to fix it or make a new one for her (all without her ever saying anything)? I'm curious. |
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 28, 2008 16:20:27 GMT -5
COLD  What are you doing in here?? <~~questioning You shouldn't come in these Male/Female issue threads, they are trouble<~~unsolicited advice *Draggin Cold out* <~~physical control LMAO!!!! |
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Post by coldfront06 on Oct 28, 2008 16:20:52 GMT -5
Ladies, Have you ever had a man to order for you in a restaurant? That seems like some controlling sh!t to me. I mean when I take my women to McDonalds, I let them order whatever they want...they can ever supersize it. I would never say "She'll have a #3" without asking her first. Cold, you're a mess!!! Would you have her order a drink, taste it decide it's too strong, and tell the bartender to fix it or make a new one for her (all without her ever saying anything)? I'm curious. I wouldn't even taste her drink for her...that's not only controlling, its condescending and disrespectful in my opinion. |
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Post by coldfront06 on Oct 28, 2008 16:21:33 GMT -5
COLD What are you doing in here?? <~~questioning You shouldn't come in these Male/Female issue threads, they are trouble<~~unsolicited advice *Draggin Cold out* <~~physical control LMAO!!!! LMAO! ;D |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 28, 2008 16:23:20 GMT -5
I'm trying to put you on Bhop... if you don't want to know the tricks of the trade that's cool. I probably got my knowledge from Amazon.com anyway
*Shakes fist at Prissy* I put that smiley up because the fact that people (I have female friends that do that also) do that is crap not because I don't believe it. With all the men I've seen, dealt with and heard about do that it probably is the first thing in the handbook, lol. |
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 28, 2008 16:28:05 GMT -5
Cold, you're a mess!!! Would you have her order a drink, taste it decide it's too strong, and tell the bartender to fix it or make a new one for her (all without her ever saying anything)? I'm curious. I wouldn't even taste her drink for her...that's not only controlling, its condescending and disrespectful in my opinion. Interesting. Keep it coming! |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 28, 2008 16:47:08 GMT -5
Not to change the subject (and of course with that kind of preamble - that means that's exactly what I'm about to do) but ladies... can I ask you all a question related to control?
Do you regard manipulation and gaming as a means of control?
It is a control issue if I tell you a little white lie. And when I say little I mean like tiny... so small you're not even sure if it's white or not. Ladies?
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 28, 2008 16:58:13 GMT -5
Not to change the subject (and of course with that kind of preamble - that means that's exactly what I'm about to do) but ladies... can I ask you all a question related to control?
Do you regard manipulation and gaming as a means of control?
It is a control issue if I tell you a little white lie. And when I say little I mean like tiny... so small you're not even sure if it's white or not. Ladies? Manipulation is control b/c it may shape my choices. If you make it appear that my friends are my enemies by lying to me about their actions (ie your girls are flirting with me behind ya back) and manufacturing intel to support the lie - then by all means, it's a device for control. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 28, 2008 17:09:42 GMT -5
Not to change the subject (and of course with that kind of preamble - that means that's exactly what I'm about to do) but ladies... can I ask you all a question related to control?
Do you regard manipulation and gaming as a means of control?
It is a control issue if I tell you a little white lie. And when I say little I mean like tiny... so small you're not even sure if it's white or not. Ladies? Manipulation is control b/c it may shape my choices. If you make it appear that my friends are my enemies by lying to me about their actions (ie your girls are flirting with me behind ya back) and manufacturing intel to support the lie - then by all means, it's a device for control.
You set the tone, I set the policy.
We can have any type of interaction you like, but once you set the precedence I set the policy of how it's gon be from there on out. You test me, I deliberately mislead you or refuse to answer your question. That's what it is.
Do little stuff like ask me a question, and I give you my answer, and then you ask me the same question 2 or 3 weeks later - like I actually won't REMEMBER... you'll probably get a less than helpful reply from me.
We're not as strategic or detailed oriented as you all, hell when it comes to this type of thing we're probably nowhere near as smart as you all... but we're NOT stupid. We KNOW when you're asking a question with ulterior motives. |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 28, 2008 20:50:43 GMT -5
because we know (probably from experience) that to flat out ask would get us no where
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Post by Mrs. Eyes on Oct 28, 2008 20:54:40 GMT -5
I just got out of that type of relationship.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 28, 2008 20:55:52 GMT -5
because we know (probably from experience) that to flat out ask would get us no where |
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Post by BrnSuga on Oct 28, 2008 20:57:46 GMT -5
NeNe has a good husband.
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Post by Mrs. Eyes on Oct 28, 2008 21:01:13 GMT -5
^ Wrong topic, but I agree!
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 29, 2008 7:16:29 GMT -5
I just got out of that type of relationship. Hyp, what would you say are the subtle signs? |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 29, 2008 7:43:47 GMT -5
I just got out of that type of relationship. They are so stressful. |
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Post by Mrs. Eyes on Oct 29, 2008 8:28:54 GMT -5
I just got out of that type of relationship. Hyp, what would you say are the subtle signs? He was a good manipulator. So after awhile I noticed how he was the victim in damn near EVERY story he told me. Like he was innocent and did everything right, then I learned the truth. He was selfish and I pretty much was doing things I didn't HAVE to. Like I was ALWAYS the one trying to get us back on track after an argument. He would shut me out for practically days, and I was the one trying to get us back on good terms. He lied about his mom abandoning him at the age of 4 or 5. The story didn't sound right when I first got it, then after talking to his mom, I figured out he was a lying sack of shit. He didn't want me to meet his family, which was another big issue I had with him. Like if your mom abandoned you, you would know the date, time, what you had on, where you were. You wouldn't be confused on what AGE!!!!! But I realize now, that I ignored a lot of the signs of how he was, but I thought I was TRIPPING. I most definetly listen that my gut instinct again. But once I thought about it, I can't blame it all on him, I allowed some of those things to happen. He's trying to get me back as we speak. I want nothing to do with him. |
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Post by Bathroom Model on Oct 29, 2008 8:59:50 GMT -5
Ladies, Have you ever had a man to order for you in a restaurant? That seems like some controlling sh!t to me. I mean when I take my women to McDonalds, I let them order whatever they want...they can ever supersize it. I would never say "She'll have a #3" without asking her first. A true class act right there. Do you take her inside or go through the drive-thru? |
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Post by coldfront06 on Oct 29, 2008 9:05:22 GMT -5
Ladies, Have you ever had a man to order for you in a restaurant? That seems like some controlling sh!t to me. I mean when I take my women to McDonalds, I let them order whatever they want...they can ever supersize it. I would never say "She'll have a #3" without asking her first. A true class act right there. Do you take her inside or go through the drive-thru? Inside of course...I even hold the door open for her ;D |
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