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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 29, 2008 9:13:49 GMT -5
<~~Took Cold to BK - got him a #7 and he didn't even put out!!!!  TRUE e-STORY!!!!! |
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Post by Bathroom Model on Oct 29, 2008 9:18:26 GMT -5
<~~Took Cold to BK - got him a #7 and he didn't even put out!!!! TRUE e-STORY!!!!! Prude Bastard!! ;D spent a total of $6.29 and a girl can't get no slang slang. Bougie uppity Dick witholding bastard! ;D |
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Post by coldfront06 on Oct 29, 2008 9:27:03 GMT -5
^^^^Every time I see your name, I think about Jay Z's Hard Knock Life...
"I flow for chicks wishin...they ain't have to strip to pay tuition..." LOL
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 29, 2008 9:34:41 GMT -5
<~~Took Cold to BK - got him a #7 and he didn't even put out!!!! TRUE e-STORY!!!!! Prude Bastard!! ;D...spent a total of $6.29 and a girl can't get no slang slang. Bougie uppity Dick witholding bastard! ;D
:::DEAD:::
:::DEAD:::
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Post by nsync on Oct 29, 2008 11:29:38 GMT -5
r e C l O a N t i T o n R s h O i L p
The word relationship is a sumblimal message of control.
Anyhow, based on the definitions given from both perspectives (male and female) I am definately in a controlling relationship.
I offer unsolicited advice all dee time. I comment on everything he does that affects me which is almost everything at this point.
I think the first, earliest, premature...signs of a controlling personality is if someone does not respect the boundries you set.
That's sign one.
If you bring it to them (you must bring it to them, because they may be used to crossing boundries in other areas of life where it seems okay to them) and they continue to do it ------you are steadily on the path of distruction.
The destruction might not result in that person killing your mother, brother and son. But it will be destruction none the less.
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Post by Mrs. Eyes on Oct 29, 2008 11:32:45 GMT -5
^ Amen and EXHALT!
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Post by nsync on Oct 29, 2008 11:38:37 GMT -5
Thanks!
Let me tell you first hand that I know I have a controlling personality at times and I pray every day now about it. I am even trying to zen it out. LOL
What made me realize that I needed to stop is the reality that we can not control people. Plus if you love someone why have them miserable under your control? You want someone who loves you freely.
I do not think people mean to control. I think it's a defense mechanism they pick up along their live experience path.
My boyfriend and I have started serious discussion about this, because I started noticing some control factors about him too. What gives us hope is that when both confront each we set boundries and we both respect them.
In the past I have seen it where you confront the person and they continue on. And in the past I have seen destruction. I don't like it and I don't want to ever be there again.
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 29, 2008 12:51:39 GMT -5
So, what are some of the signs, specifically?
Is it a man telling you prefers when you wear XYZ...and being mad when you don't? Is it him telling you what to eat? How to act? Making plans for you and never thinking to ask you what you want to do?
Let's be specific ladies and gents!
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Post by coldfront06 on Oct 29, 2008 13:01:11 GMT -5
I'd say telling you what to eat, how to act, etc. are definitely signs. Never asking for your input on things is not a good sign either. There is no reason for a grown person to tell another grown person what to do.
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 29, 2008 13:12:18 GMT -5
I'd say telling you what to eat, how to act, etc. are definitely signs. Never asking for your input on things is not a good sign either. There is no reason for a grown person to tell another grown person what to do. ^^^Agreed. |
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Post by Kryptik on Oct 29, 2008 13:25:27 GMT -5
How about Crying...
Brothers, do you feel that women cry as a means of control?
And Ladies, do you realize that you do it?
In a lot of relationships, men are not even allowed the "opportunity" to be upset with their ladies, due to having to take on the role of comforter if she begins to "cry". I call it Emotional Terrorism!
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 29, 2008 13:35:23 GMT -5
How about Crying... Brothers, do you feel that women cry as a means of control? And Ladies, do you realize that you do it? In a lot of relationships, men are not even allowed the "opportunity" to be upset with their ladies, due to having to take on the role of comforter if she begins to "cry". I call it Emotional Terrorism! Krypt how could you say such a thing?  |
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Post by Kryptik on Oct 29, 2008 13:41:38 GMT -5
How about Crying... Brothers, do you feel that women cry as a means of control? And Ladies, do you realize that you do it? In a lot of relationships, men are not even allowed the "opportunity" to be upset with their ladies, due to having to take on the role of comforter if she begins to "cry". I call it Emotional Terrorism! Krypt how could you say such a thing? My Bad... I didn't mean It... I mean... you could never be controlling! You are just too... Wait a minute, you ain't my e-boo no mo! Save the tears Shawty!!! I ain't hearing it! ;D |
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 29, 2008 13:45:40 GMT -5
My Bad... I didn't mean It... I mean... you could never be controlling! You are just too... Wait a minute, you ain't my e-boo no mo! Save the tears Shawty!!! I ain't hearing it! ;D LMAO!!! And DUDES tears are WAAAY more effective b/c they are far few and in between (well for some) allow me to present Exhibit A: Roll that beautiful bean footage!! |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 29, 2008 13:48:17 GMT -5
I can count one time where I've cried in front of a man about something going on in the relationship and that was MANY MANY years ago. I won't even tell a guy that I cried as a result of something dealing with us. I always thought that a lot of guys (hell...people period) saw that as a sign of weakness and would just feed off of it.
But I'm sure there are plenty of women that use it as a way to take control...I'm not one of them, lol.
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 29, 2008 13:49:04 GMT -5
<---doesn't cry as a means of control
<---hates crying in front of folks
<---doesn't like being vulnerable
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 29, 2008 13:58:48 GMT -5
<~~Freed from the burden/myth of the "STrong Black Woman" - I am strong, but it has less to do with my sex or my race than my life experiences
<~~overflowing with positive energy b/c I AM TRULY BLESSED to have the life I have, therefore, I'm USUALLY a glass half full type of gal - and it takes a bit to get me down.
<~~FEELS deeply and will cry if hurt and is honest enough to let you know..."You hurt me"
<~~Used to play the "You can't get to me cause nigguh, my life has been that damn tough AND I won't let you hurt me"
<~~IS NOW Strong enough to be vunerable
<~~CAN LOVE enough to be HURT
<~~Doesn't want to regret never allowing myself to TRULY FEEL LOVE - the good and bad of it
<~~TOOK A LOT TO GET ^^^ WAY
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 29, 2008 14:02:34 GMT -5
<~~Freed from the burden/myth of the "STrong Black Woman" - I am strong, but it has less to do with my sex or my race than my life experiences <~~overflowing with positive energy b/c I AM TRULY BLESSED to have the life I have, therefore, I'm USUALLY a glass half full type of gal - and it takes a bit to get me down. <~~FEELS deeply and will cry if hurt and is honest enough to let you know..."You hurt me" <~~Used to play the "You can't get to me cause nigguh, my life has been that damn tough AND I won't let you hurt me" <~~IS NOW Strong enough to be vunerable <~~CAN LOVE enough to be HURT <~~Doesn't want to regret never allowing myself to TRULY FEE LOVE - the good and bad of it <~~TOOK A LOT TO GET ^^^ WAY very true. I probably should have added to my other post that it depends on the man because right now I don't feel like it would be seen as me being weak. |
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 29, 2008 14:24:48 GMT -5
<~~can ONLY be hurt by those I love....I gotta love you for you to REALLY be able to get to me...33 years on this planet has afforded me that luxury
<~~Believes I ONLY LOVE GOOD PEOPLE
So, if you hurt me - I love you and more than likely, you love me...it's a mistake/misunderstanding/miscommunication - hopefully we can get it straight.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 29, 2008 14:59:03 GMT -5
I'd say telling you what to eat, how to act, etc. are definitely signs. Never asking for your input on things is not a good sign either. There is no reason for a grown person to tell another grown person what to do.
Exalt
damn I'm giving out alot of these today |
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Post by BKupInHere on Oct 29, 2008 20:35:12 GMT -5
I was 21 yrs old and just started my job. I was depressed because I had to leave college abruptly the semester before & basically left all my friends behind. My self esteem was non existent & going to work & going home was my life at the time. I kept to myself at work.
Which made me prime picking for the OIL SLICKED CONTROLLER.
All those traits that I had at that time attracted this worthless bastard that came in the guise of a friend,but really needed someone to control to make his worthless existence seem valid. Let's see some of the dumb shyt your friend did...
allowed this guy to be her "financial advisor": which meant letting this guy tell her how to spend her $$$ and even let him CARRY her $$ in his wallet
when reenrolling in one class at my college,he insiste on riding the train with me there.WAITED for me to get out of class, and rode me home or had me spend the night at his house (I eventually dropped that class,I couldnt study with him in my face all the time)
when my college had the last Frat Party celebrating all the graduates, I made the dumb mistake of mentioning that I was going. He got into a hissy fit that I "didnt invite him" and made sure to be with me that entire day so he could go to the party with me. Once again he didnt leave my side,even when I would be with my girlfriends.
OF COURSE I COULDNT SEE ANY OF THIS WHILE I WAS IN THE SITUATION.
I finally had to transfer out of that office to get away from him.
He transferred out and followed me to my new office...
the only thing that saved me was that he had gotten his last girlfriend preggers (that came up 3 months into our "control freak madness"). That helped me to slide out of that crap...
The motherfukker STILL has the nerve to call my home # at least twice a year,hoping that Ill pick up-even though he has been cussed out by my "husband" repeatedly...
IS THAT A GOOD EXAMPLE OF A CONTROLLING MAN
and
A SIMPLE ASSED GIRL WHO ALLOWED IT?
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 30, 2008 10:13:29 GMT -5
@bk, YES that does sound like a controlling man. It seems like you learned alot from that situation which is the most important thing.
<----would never refer to BKUp as a simple assed girl
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Post by DamieQue™ on Oct 30, 2008 14:42:44 GMT -5
<-o- would repeatedly refer to BKUp as a simple a$$ed girl
<-o- would use the most respectful font to do it though
BKup - yes that's an example of a control freak. I mean if you have to be with your SO everywhere they go - that's not a problem with the relationship - that's a problem with YOU.
Niccuhs like that ruin it for e'rbody
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Post by BKupInHere on Oct 30, 2008 18:05:28 GMT -5
TY to DIVA; LOL @ Damie
but I MUST add: he couldnt have been controlling if I HADNT ALLOWED IT!
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Post by CrimsonENDvy on Oct 30, 2008 18:09:53 GMT -5
<~~Freed from the burden/myth of the "STrong Black Woman" - I am strong, but it has less to do with my sex or my race than my life experiences <~~overflowing with positive energy b/c I AM TRULY BLESSED to have the life I have, therefore, I'm USUALLY a glass half full type of gal - and it takes a bit to get me down. <~~FEELS deeply and will cry if hurt and is honest enough to let you know..."You hurt me" <~~Used to play the "You can't get to me cause nigguh, my life has been that damn tough AND I won't let you hurt me" <~~IS NOW Strong enough to be vunerable <~~CAN LOVE enough to be HURT <~~Doesn't want to regret never allowing myself to TRULY FEEL LOVE - the good and bad of it <~~TOOK A LOT TO GET ^^^ WAY Wow AMEN That's a hard place to get to, for real. <--- is working on it |
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 30, 2008 18:27:00 GMT -5
Wow AMEN That's a hard place to get to, for real.<--- is working on it Crim, we got plenty of room...I just bought a house. If you're ever in town...I'd love to show you around. You'd love it here! ;D |
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Oct 30, 2008 18:35:54 GMT -5
I was 21 yrs old and just started my job. I was depressed because I had to leave college abruptly the semester before & basically left all my friends behind. My self esteem was non existent & going to work & going home was my life at the time. I kept to myself at work. Which made me prime picking for the OIL SLICKED CONTROLLER. All those traits that I had at that time attracted this worthless bastard that came in the guise of a friend,but really needed someone to control to make his worthless existence seem valid. Let's see some of the dumb shyt your friend did... allowed this guy to be her "financial advisor": which meant letting this guy tell her how to spend her $$$ and even let him CARRY her $$ in his wallet when reenrolling in one class at my college,he insiste on riding the train with me there.WAITED for me to get out of class, and rode me home or had me spend the night at his house (I eventually dropped that class,I couldnt study with him in my face all the time) when my college had the last Frat Party celebrating all the graduates, I made the dumb mistake of mentioning that I was going. He got into a hissy fit that I "didnt invite him" and made sure to be with me that entire day so he could go to the party with me. Once again he didnt leave my side,even when I would be with my girlfriends. OF COURSE I COULDNT SEE ANY OF THIS WHILE I WAS IN THE SITUATION. I finally had to transfer out of that office to get away from him. He transferred out and followed me to my new office... the only thing that saved me was that he had gotten his last girlfriend preggers (that came up 3 months into our "control freak madness"). That helped me to slide out of that crap... The motherfukker STILL has the nerve to call my home # at least twice a year,hoping that Ill pick up-even though he has been cussed out by my "husband" repeatedly... IS THAT A GOOD EXAMPLE OF A CONTROLLING MAN and A SIMPLE ASSED GIRL WHO ALLOWED IT? BK...your honesty is breath taking! Your situation is NOT uncommon b/c SO many of us, male and female base our self worth on the attention we receive from our significant others. We're TRAINED and primed for it. We often give up freedoms to feel secure... Hmmm, sounds familiar? *cough* Patriot Act *cough* LOL |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 31, 2008 10:17:17 GMT -5
TY to DIVA; LOL @ Damie but I MUST add: he couldnt have been controlling if I HADNT ALLOWED IT!The total and absolute truth!!!! Until we women understand that and are able to admit out loud to ourselves we will continue to get into and stay in these bad relationships. I think the day I realized that and actually faced the fact that I was allowing all that foolishness to go on was the day I got over a lot of stuff and a lot of people. |
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Post by 123Diva on Oct 31, 2008 10:28:17 GMT -5
TY to DIVA; LOL @ Damie but I MUST add: he couldnt have been controlling if I HADNT ALLOWED IT!The total and absolute truth!!!! Until we women understand that and are able to admit out loud to ourselves we will continue to get into and stay in these bad relationships. I think the day I realized that and actually faced the fact that I was allowing all that foolishness to go on was the day I got over a lot of stuff and a lot of people. ^^^Agreed! I had a situation as a sophomore in college where I was dating a loser from a neighboring campus. He wasn't controlling, just wack and not really ready to be with me. I remember complaining to a very good friend of mine saying, "He has to do better." My friend looked at me and very bluntly stated, "No 'Diva, YOU have to do better." She was ABSOLUTELY right. Let's stop giving up our power! We all make mistakes, but we need to learn from them, keep it moving, and do better next time. |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Oct 31, 2008 10:49:31 GMT -5
A long time ago we were talking about relationships on the old OO and after I told some story one of the ladies on the board said "Bunny, are you choosing them or are they choosing you?" I can't remember who said it but I've never ever forgot that because it really made me stop and think. I wish my good friend understood that.  |
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