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Post by Champs Elysees on Jul 10, 2008 21:15:47 GMT -5
Soooooo . . . I'm watching Waiting to Exhale and Bernadine is pissed about not "having a Plan B" when her marriage fell apart.
I saw this movie when I was a kid and it (plus other stuff) had a PROFOUND effect on me. I swore I would never be caught out there like that. Well, I kinda was. And although I'm not bitter, and I am MUCH better than I ever was in my relationship, I do wonder what would have happened had I prepared myself for my relationship fallout.
But . . . why should we have to have a Plan B?? Why can't we be free to trust each other 100% in relationships??
As for me, I know there are a myriad of things I will do differently in my next relationship, but I feel guilty about having a Plan B in mind (yes, as mean as I am! LOL!) What say you??
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Jul 10, 2008 21:39:44 GMT -5
No. No more than you should feel guilty about having Medical, Auto, and Home insurance. You must do the best you can to protect your assests...and in this case yourself. In life there are NO guarantees. WE are an imperfect species. Humans have spent much of our existance attempting to forecast and predict, so we can avoid danger and problems.
Having a back up plan does not equate to self fufilled prophecy. In fact, it can alleviate the stressors that prelude break up. Complete dependency creates a system of inequality....and more often than not, it leads to dominance and submissiveness. History has taught us what happens next.
You can't allow yourself to feel guilty for looking out for yourself. You can't expect a man or anyone else to have your best interest at heart, more than you do yourself.
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Post by Cambist on Jul 10, 2008 23:18:08 GMT -5
So what is a Plan B? Someone give me an example.
Another question...
...What would you do if you found out that your man had a "Plan B"? Be real now. Don't start that "I would understand" bullchyt.
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Post by huey on Jul 10, 2008 23:23:37 GMT -5
So what is a Plan B? Someone give me an example. Another question... ...What would you do if you found out that your man had a "Plan B"? Be real now. Don't start that "I would understand" bullchyt. Someone please answer. I'm in same boat as Cam.  |
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Post by what on Jul 10, 2008 23:34:43 GMT -5
Only thing I can think of is Back-up houses, cars etc in your name...However, I feel doing that is somewhat of a defeatus attitude about (your) marriage. I'm not saying don't do it, I'm saying consider why you'd have to.
In WTE, Bernandine did something that some women fail to do when they marry rich, they fail to get educated and establish themselves as their own being (like have a career, etc.).
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Jul 10, 2008 23:41:04 GMT -5
<~~~Version of Plan B would be placing yourself in the position to be independent to the best of your ability. In other words, an education and a career. If a career is not possible b/c you've both decided it's best for you to take care of the children or home...at the very least an education.
I've seen so many women get married and and become utterly dependent on their husbands. They set aside or completely sacrafice their dreams and goals to help build their Husbands up. In a perfect world, that would be wonderful...but divorce rates are at 50%. That's not implying that all divorces are based on this situation...but the likely hood of a couple dissolving is extremely high.
With the probabilty of being divorced THAT high, one needs to prepare as much as possible.
If marriage /divorce was insurable...it would have a high ass premium!
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Post by B Strugg on Jul 10, 2008 23:43:16 GMT -5
Girl!! I refuse to be in that type of situation!!
But you have to vaue yourself enough for all of lifes just in cases......
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Post by huey on Jul 10, 2008 23:53:40 GMT -5
Only thing I can think of is Back-up houses, cars etc in your name...However, I feel doing that is somewhat of a defeatus attitude about (your) marriage. I'm not saying don't do it, I'm saying consider why you'd have to. In WTE, Bernandine did something that some women fail to do when they marry rich, they fail to get educated and establish themselves as their own being (like have a career, etc.). back-up house? does that mean i have a back-up job to pay for my back-up mortage that hopefully won't backup my PLAN A mortgage? LMAO. you on some other shit, back up car. Just in case she burns the other one wit my clothes init. |
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Post by B Strugg on Jul 10, 2008 23:54:55 GMT -5
Only thing I can think of is Back-up houses, cars etc in your name...However, I feel doing that is somewhat of a defeatus attitude about (your) marriage. I'm not saying don't do it, I'm saying consider why you'd have to. In WTE, Bernandine did something that some women fail to do when they marry rich, they fail to get educated and establish themselves as their own being (like have a career, etc.). back-up house? does that mean i have a back-up job to pay for my back-up mortage that hopefully won't backup my PLAN A mortgage? LMAO. you on some other shit, back up car. Just in case she burns the other one wit my clothes init. LMAO!! Back up house is a lot.....but I mean a lot of couples have 2 cars...and one would definitely be in my name! |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jul 10, 2008 23:55:54 GMT -5
*Looks at title*
<---= Recalls past conversations on OO about pre-nups
*Walks out of thread without arguing*
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Post by what on Jul 10, 2008 23:55:56 GMT -5
I smell a SMITE for yo asz! LMAO Hell yeah I said BACK UP HOUSE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND CAR!
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Post by huey on Jul 10, 2008 23:58:17 GMT -5
I smell a SMITE for yo asz! LMAO Hell yeah I said BACK UP HOUSE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND CAR! I would def feel some type of way, and i know my wife would too, if we lived together, and i had another apartment on the side. Heck, i don't think a sane woman would marry a man on terms like that. |
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Post by Cambist on Jul 10, 2008 23:58:55 GMT -5
My thoughts.....
NOTE: This applies to a marriage.
Forget a Plan B. Have a good, solid Plan A!
Getting education is not a Plan B. Saving, is not a Plan B (unless you are saving without the knowledge of your SO and that's fucked up anyway) Those things are a part of growing and should be a part of Plan A.
Being active in the household operations and finance is Plan A.
Most stay at home moms I know also handle all of the household finances.
The reason many women need a Plan B is because they A) don't have a Plan A or B) Have an extremely fuckED UP Plan A.
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Post by Cambist on Jul 11, 2008 0:02:46 GMT -5
Also....
If my wife found out that I had $10,000 in cash stashed in a safe deposit box as a Plan B, she would flip a fucking lid!!
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Post by what on Jul 11, 2008 0:02:48 GMT -5
hahahhahah so true
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Post by B Strugg on Jul 11, 2008 0:02:51 GMT -5
That is very true Cam...but when it's all aid and done, you really just don't know any body as well as you think you do. And I've seen too many people male and female assed out thinking shit was working fine....Maybe when i get older and married to a real man, I'll see things differently...... I had a lot more than 10 saved but I wasn't married...and I helped with bills....lol...  |
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Post by Cambist on Jul 11, 2008 0:05:09 GMT -5
...much less the $50,000 I have stashed under my son's social security number...
Just kidding...maybe
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Post by B Strugg on Jul 11, 2008 0:07:19 GMT -5
...much less the $50,000 I have stashed under my son's social security number...Just kidding... maybe LMAO!! terrible |
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Jul 11, 2008 0:09:04 GMT -5
Cam...we know that in now...but REALISTICALLY...the roles of women have not been directed as such. I know mothers who are still instructing their daughters to put up with cheating and abuse b/c their husbands have provided them with a house and a car  . SERIOUSLY! Still following the Bettye Wright philosophy  So, while I feel you...the reality reflects that's not what is being done more often than not. |
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Post by what on Jul 11, 2008 0:09:35 GMT -5
I'ono somma yall black men is crazy when yall get a little money and stuff.....
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 11, 2008 0:12:48 GMT -5
Soooooo . . . I'm watching Waiting to Exhale and Bernadine is pissed about not "having a Plan B" when her marriage fell apart.
I saw this movie when I was a kid and it (plus other stuff) had a PROFOUND effect on me. I swore I would never be caught out there like that. Well, I kinda was. And although I'm not bitter, and I am MUCH better than I ever was in my relationship, I do wonder what would have happened had I prepared myself for my relationship fallout.
But . . . why should we have to have a Plan B?? Why can't we be free to trust each other 100% in relationships??
As for me, I know there are a myriad of things I will do differently in my next relationship, but I feel guilty about having a Plan B in mind (yes, as mean as I am! LOL!) What say you?? Trusting another human 100% is silly. My mom taught me to have a Plan B and C....in every aspect of life...not just relationships. Plan B...a separate bank account and at least one piece of property prior to marriage. I'd expect him to have one too. If he doesnt, he's an idiot. Prior to marrying you should be able to survive on your own. I dont think everything needs to be merged upon marriage either. I'd get married in a equitable distribution state so prenup wont really matter. If he wanted one, fine. I'll probably want one. Thats just me. |
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Post by dappa on Jul 11, 2008 5:28:13 GMT -5
My thoughts.....
NOTE: This applies to a marriage.Forget a Plan B. Have a good, solid Plan A! Getting education is not a Plan B. Saving, is not a Plan B (unless you are saving without the knowledge of your SO and that's fucked up anyway) Those things are a part of growing and should be a part of Plan A. Being active in the household operations and finance is Plan A. Most stay at home moms I know also handle all of the household finances. The reason many women need a Plan B is because they A) don't have a Plan A or B) Have an extremely fuckED UP Plan A. The end. |
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Post by Search1906 on Jul 11, 2008 7:34:01 GMT -5
How many of you in here are married, close to being married or have been married? I'm curious.
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Post by QueenOH on Jul 11, 2008 7:38:17 GMT -5
I don't have a plan B so I'm gonna do my best to make plan A work.
So Plan A can't fail and I can't give up on it
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Post by B Strugg on Jul 11, 2008 8:04:33 GMT -5
How many of you in here are married, close to being married or have been married? I'm curious. I was close to being married not too long ago |
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Post by Blu on Jul 11, 2008 8:46:40 GMT -5
My thoughts.....
NOTE: This applies to a marriage.Forget a Plan B. Have a good, solid Plan A! Getting education is not a Plan B. Saving, is not a Plan B (unless you are saving without the knowledge of your SO and that's fucked up anyway) Those things are a part of growing and should be a part of Plan A. Being active in the household operations and finance is Plan A. Most stay at home moms I know also handle all of the household finances. The reason many women need a Plan B is because they A) don't have a Plan A or B) Have an extremely fuckED UP Plan A. In agreement.... |
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Post by Southie on Jul 11, 2008 8:55:10 GMT -5
I guess I was confused about a "plan B" when it comes to a failed relationship. If it doesn't work, you move forward... |
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Post by Highly Favored on Jul 11, 2008 8:58:30 GMT -5
I'm married and have been for 18 years.
I don't have a plan B in the way that many of you are describing it (no separate, stashed away assets, etc.). I have never had a Plan B.
I am committed to making Plan A work. Sometimes, it's a day-by-day commitment, because marriage can be hard.
I did not sacrifice ALL of my educational and career goals in order to be married and raise children. I don't advise anyone else to do that either, especially the educational aspect. Everybody needs to be able to take care of themselves, even if they never have to do it. I agree with Camel, that should be a part of a solid Plan A, since some marriages end, not due to divorce, but because of the death of a spouse. I've met some people who didn't work on themselves during the marriage, the spouse died, and the benefits they could collect (insurance, social security, etc.) would not meet their needs. They needed to work, but were not educated. So then, they ended up working, going to school, and raising children without any help.
If, after all is said and done, it doesn't work, I am able to take care of myself and will still be okay. I have enough going for myself to be able to formulate plan B if and when the need arises.
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Post by Search1906 on Jul 11, 2008 8:58:32 GMT -5
My advice is if you feel you need a Plan B and C then you probably aren't ready and don't need to try to get married. My wife and I approached marriage saying that divorce was not and option. We merged our finances and our lives. If you can't trust folks with your money you really don't trust them. Having joint accounts allows us to foster oneness and makes us talk and hold each other accountable. In short seperate stuff breeds seperate lives and basically divides your household even if you don't realize it. Biblically its says two come together to be one flesh and that is how God sees you as one so why not act like it. I think the mistake women make is like Cam says they don't get involved and don't know about the accounts, how bills are paid, the balances on the savings, checking, insurance amounts. Hell divorce is not the only thing that could leave you in a lurch what if your SO dies or goes to jail then you need to know how to keep things up and running. Plan A coming together as a couple to makes sure you don't need a Plan B or C. If you have and alternate plan then you are planning for your marriage to fail so save yourself and someone else all the time, money and heartache...stay single.
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Post by coldfront06 on Jul 11, 2008 14:43:39 GMT -5
My thoughts.....
NOTE: This applies to a marriage.Forget a Plan B. Have a good, solid Plan A! Getting education is not a Plan B. Saving, is not a Plan B (unless you are saving without the knowledge of your SO and that's fucked up anyway) Those things are a part of growing and should be a part of Plan A. Being active in the household operations and finance is Plan A. Most stay at home moms I know also handle all of the household finances. The reason many women need a Plan B is because they A) don't have a Plan A or B) Have an extremely fuckED UP Plan A. This is what I've always been told |
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