Were you forced to go to College?

[Noble Work]

But later on was glad that you were?


In your home was it already written that you were GOING to go to College, "that's not even a choice", your mother or father said? Was it like "well if you DON'T go to college, you got to get your [blank] out of here?

Or was it your mother or father?

Once in College new student new atmosphere, and you finally adjusted what was your attitude. Was it "Hey I'm beginning to like this, glad Momma made me go"?

Or was it later on after College when you realized Dad was right and you really did need a College education to have some kind an edge over others?

I'll come back with the second half of these questions.

side note: I realize this may have already been discussed but please forgive me.

[T-Rex91]

No. It was just a given. The only question was where. I was raised from an early age to understand that in order to reach my goals, degrees were required. I'm just glad they gave me all the leeway in the world to explore my options and figure out which school was for me. I'm glad I wasn't forced to stay in state or go to particular school though.

[ReignMan19]

pretty much a given.... I didn't know College was something exceptional until I got to middle school I think.... It was just what you did after high school...

[DamieQue™]

College was a given. I mean it wasn't even something I considered not doing. It was always framed as everything I was doing in school was preparation for college. Honestly most of the people I went to school with black and white, had the expectation that they were going to college. And by the time I got to college the climate had begun to change where it was a foregone conclusion that you'd get an advanced degree. *Hunches shoulders* I guess that's kind of a good thing.

I'm also glad my parents didn't pressure me to go to a certain school, it was completely my choice and I appreciate that.

[Chal™]

my grandfather always stressed the importance of a good education. In our family, college wasn't "mandatory" but we grew up knowing that once you graduate high school, you're going to college or you're going to work. Most of the lazy ones ended up in college for that very reason. My mom and my grandfather always stressed the importance of a good education. According to them, I was too smart NOT to go. I didn't have complete freedom over choosing my own school, but i had a wide variety from which to choose. In the end, I loved my final decision.

[Julie Art]

A given. It was no question about going, period.

My grandfather stressed good education too Chal. I can still hear him now telling me, "Get'cha education gurl, you sho gonna need it."

[Noble Work]

@chal, at this point I am sooo jealous of you. See your Grandfather was involved, which to me translates to your cousins, brothers, sisters, ect....new that College plays a part in the family. Will I be stretching to say that your Grand Father stressed "College" to your whole family?

[Chal™]

He did. He always said "get your lesson so you can go to college and make something of yourself." For the ones who wanted to be "celebrities" (any argument for not going), he'd tell em they needed something to fall back on in case "life" didn't go as "planned." Either way, college was put in our minds early.

[peppermint]

Honestly, I have been reflecting on whether or not I'm glad I went. I'm in grad school now basically because it's more freedom in my field but I don't think degrees are needed for success. Like Chal, I was told I was too smart not to go. I wanted to buck the system though :/

[Noble Work]

ok here's the other set of questions.....but you can still answer the first ones if not replied to those yet.

First, let me ask will you force, or encourage your youngins to go to College?

I'll ask, do you think it's wrong to point in the direction of College then say YOU ARE GOING given YOUR experience of course?

I'll say that from the replies I have and soon to expect more that college is a requirement in your families. I say yes it should be. Have we stopped making, encouraging, or whatever you want to call it, our children go to college? In your homes attending college was not a choice or an option it was more like "oh yo ass GOING to college". Have we gotten away from that way of direction?

[ReignMan19]

There was not an emphasis on education in my household.....

[MochaD]

Good question! I'm the first generation everything in my family. The 1st to go to college, the first to join the military, the first to pledge, etc. College wasn't really discussed in my house growing up. My mom has high school diploma with some college courses (I think) and my dad well, that 'negro' is suspect. I didn't plan to go to college persay because we were poor and I knew we couldn't afford it AND I wasn't fully aware of ALL of my options. They just kinda fell into my path. I mean, I took the SAT's because er'body else was taking it. Then I got a job that paid pretty well in comparison to some grown folks I knew making $18 hr front desk receptionist. But when my job said they were moving to NJ, I needed a a plan B. So I just applied and I got accepted. Then came financial aid and all the other expenses. My mother helped out initially but started coming up short. That's how I ended up joining the military. I wasn't doing too hot my freshmen year anyway but I knew I didn't want to go back home and be deemed a failure. I wanted more. So I had to sink or swim. To be honest, I think because my mother and father wasn't college educated they didn't push the issue because they didn't go and they knew they couldn't afford to send me. Although, they knew I was a smart cookie who LOVED school and I would do what's best for me and I did and glad I did. But to be honest, the military prepared me best for college (and life in general) because when I returned to college I was at my absolute best.

[Noble Work]

Apr 16, 2010 14:11:11 GMT -5 ReignMan19 said:

There was not an emphasis on education in my household.....

Did you tell yourself, made up in your mind that you were going? When you say not an emphasis, are you saying the norm in your household expected you NOT to go or ASSUMED you were NOT going? Or were there no iron fist on the choice not to go?

[ReignMan19]

Apr 16, 2010 14:26:30 GMT -5 Noble Work said:

Apr 16, 2010 14:11:11 GMT -5 ReignMan19 said:

There was not an emphasis on education in my household.....

Did you tell yourself, made up in your mind that you were going? When you say not an emphasis, are you saying the norm in your household expected you NOT to go or ASSUMED you were NOT going? Or were there no iron fist on the choice not to go?

I'm not sure how it was telling on myself.... It was just a given to me and my parents I guess. They never really had any conversations with me about it. I heard my Dad say it to other people and I never felt I had any other option. There were def no iron fist on choice not to go but I believe if I said I wasn't going to go it would have shocked everyone. I had friends who got big parties and gifts for getting accepted. I got accepted to every school I applied to and it was handled very matter of factly...

[Coldfront06]

I wasn't forced, but it was expected due to how well I performed in school. Neither of my parents attended but they made sure that was my goal early on. I will strongly encourage my kids to go to college...you might as well say "force" if they show any resistance lol. People say "college isn't for everybody" but there are so many different types of schools and so many things you can study, its hard for me to imagine a situation where I feel that college is not the best option for my kid.

[Noble Work]

Mocha I love your post.

And this "I think because my mother and father wasn't college educated they didn't push the issue because they didn't go and they knew they couldn't afford to send me..." pulled on my heart strings because this was me. I know where you coming from.


@cold I agree when you say there are so many different types of schools or things to study out here that is hard to say "college isn't for everybody. Oh and I will be forcing or nudging my little ones to College. To me I don't think there an option. You're going and that's final. ;D

[MochaD]

I ultimately think that religion and college (when a child turns 18) should be the choice of the child. HOWEVER, if you instill good morals and values and high expectations in your seed EARLY they usually get it right...in MOST cases, not all. There are always those exceptions to the rule.

[Noble Work]

Apr 16, 2010 12:32:53 GMT -5 peppermint said:

Honestly, I have been reflecting on whether or not I'm glad I went. I'm in grad school now basically because it's more freedom in my field but I don't think degrees are needed for success. Like Chal, I was told I was too smart not to go. I wanted to buck the system though :/

But would your life be entirely different had you not gone?


@ Mocha Yes I agree but it must be done early as you stated.

[MochaD]

I think my life would have been VERY different had I not went to college AND move away from home. I probably would have had a couple of kids, 'shackin up' with my HS sweetheart and probably a housewife, just like my mom was when I was growing up. I mean really, how many professions were we REALLY exposed to us in the hood? All I can remember were teachers, nurses (west-indian mothers in NY), blue collar workers (didn't require a degree) and single mothers on welfare. That was about it. My exposure was very limited.

[Noble Work]

Will you start a trend or legacy Mocha? I know you said you are the first but will you strongly emphasize College as first choice to your children so that they know well before 18 what is expected of them? Oh and pushing too hard, do you think it will make them rebel against your expectation?

[peppermint]

Apr 16, 2010 15:56:47 GMT -5 Noble Work said:

Apr 16, 2010 12:32:53 GMT -5 peppermint said:

Honestly, I have been reflecting on whether or not I'm glad I went. I'm in grad school now basically because it's more freedom in my field but I don't think degrees are needed for success. Like Chal, I was told I was too smart not to go. I wanted to buck the system though :/

But would your life be entirely different had you not gone?

This is why I'm torn. When I graduated from HS, I was very involved in health sciences. Chances are I would have worked my way up in the medical profession. I know eventually I would have had to go to school, but I would probably be better off than I am now. There is no doubt that my life would be totally different. I do believe all things happen for a reason so I don't "regret" going. I sometimes think I should explored other options more seriously.

[T-Rex91]

My younguns will go to college. If they want to go to the military first, I'll deal but they will go to college. If a son is a sports star, I will encourage him to finish college before going pro. I think it's very important.

[Bunny Hop]

It was a given for me also. There was no pressure or force and after spending summers at MoB, Clark and TSU I KNEW I wanted to go, LOL. I graduated high school and then a week later I was gone.

It will be a given for my kids just like it was for me. My kids will need to at least get a Bachelors. Now given my own experience I know that college is not a requirement for every job but I think it can make life much harder and it's a hell of a lot harder to have an actual career and move up without a degree. A degree gives you some options.

I think we've gotten to a point where we don't expect a lot of people. I've said before that college isn't for everyone and I still believe it. Some folks are just content with working for a paycheck and going home. I'm not one of them and I don't plan on raising kids that think that way. But I do think that if you don't want to go to college then you need to get some certifications and licenses in whatever you're interested in. If you don't have any paperwork then you're going to be stuck (I see it every single day).

[123Diva]

I was not forced to go to college. I ALWAYS wanted to go and KNEW that I would attend. In fact, my teachers early on (as well as I) thought I was Harvard-bound. LOL.

(My mom genuinely thought it was a mistake when I received my Harvard rejection letter. She was upset, and I was good to go, had already gotten into my top choice.)

College was an expectation for me, not necessarily for my siblings. Excellence was simply in the fiber of my being from early on and then I was consistently in an environment that fostered high achievement.

My kids will be FORCED strongly encouraged to attend college. ;D

My mom probably has the equivalent of an Associates degree in Early Childhood Education from a local community college. MY dad never attended college. Both my parents were and still are very much supportive of my educational/scholarly pursuits.

My mom was/is also mystrongest advocate. (She has worked for the NYC Board of Ed for the past 15 years minimum, and she is passionate about education and young people, as am I.)

I guesss I'm my mother's child ;D

[Chal™]

i will definitely encourage my child(ren) to go to college, but I will not go as far a FORCE. I've met people who were forced to go and unless something there happened to open their eyes, they did noting but party and sleep. no classes, no homework, no labs. I will explain the importance of furthering their education, and I will support them if they choose to do the military thing.

To be honest, although my grandfather expressed the importance of education, and although it was said that I was too smart not to go, in the end, it was still a choice that I had to make. no one was gonna make me go. The determining factor for me was actually that college was a way to escape. I was able to get away from every body and everything. All of my encouragement outside of my mom came from my paternal side. My maternal side, which is who I was closer to, all figured i thought i was better than their kids because i was "so smart" and wasn't into the things my cousins were. Never mind the fact that had it not been for me, most of their kids probably wouldn't have graduated.

[MochaD]

Apr 16, 2010 16:44:16 GMT -5 Noble Work said:

Will you start a trend or legacy Mocha? I know you said you are the first but will you strongly emphasize College as first choice to your children so that they know well before 18 what is expected of them? Oh and pushing too hard, do you think it will make them rebel against your expectation?

I sure will. They will be surrounded by semi-overachievers -LoL. I'm in a new & improved environment of educated smarty-art Negro's who know better therefore they do better. They're doctors, lawyers, engineers, social workers, educators, they serve their country, volunteer and give back to their communities...most LOVE to travel and most are health conscious who don't smoke, do drugs and 30% of them don't even drink. This is SOOOOOOO the opposite of what I was exposed to growing up. It took moving away and going to college to expand my horizons and see with my own eyes that The Cosby Show actually does happen in real life. The sky is the limit if you apply yourself and are aware of ALL your options and opportunities. I never thought a black president was impossible. Obama was of no surprise to me because we have come a mighty long way.

I don't plan to "force" my child (GOD willing) to do anything. I'd like to think that he or she will think (implanting this thought early) it's only natural to go to college as simple as after grade school you go to JHS and after JHS you go to HS. "Naturally" college will come after HS. I plan to constantly take them "out of the box" by exposing them to everything thing that is age appropriate and I will be a college professor so hopefully that should have some strong influence when I take them to work I don't know what my future holds when it come to my children (of which I don't have yet) but I plan to make a strong statement and hopefully lead by example to the best of my ability.

[Noble Work]

Apr 16, 2010 18:41:25 GMT -5 T-Rex91 said:

My younguns will go to college. If they want to go to the military first, I'll deal but they will go to college. If a son is a sports star, I will encourage him to finish college before going pro. I think it's very important.

See 91 I'm stuck on this military thing for my kids. By no means I'm knocking it. Wife and I discussed it. The very minimum a BS/BA degree comes FIRST if they even choose to go to the military. But me personally I don't want the military as an option for kids. Is that not fair of me?

Now for two reasons why. 1) It has been two many children "babies" not coming home after war. I'm sorry but call me shallow or closed minded. I know it'll be the their choice, and that they'll be serving their country and death and war IS part of it but I can't resonate with the fact that I would of to bury one of my children. I know things could happen just as well as wartime and on the streets these days but I don't know how I would go on if one of my kids of to leave this earth before I do.
2) I just don't want them to get used to the military life and forget about college. I know military can help with expenses and other things and other people has done it/is doing it but hey this is just ME.

[MochaD]

Well, NOW isn't the best time to join the military but I never thought in a MILLION years I would have joined the military but I'm so GLAD I did. I never had to go to war but if I ain't NEVER learned discipline, I damn sure learned it there. I didn't have a choice. It was sink or swim and failure was not an option...not if you want to make it out in as lil' pain as possible -LoL. I grew up REAL quick in the military and when I returned to college I was on my 'A' game and ready for the world. It's a far better option than not going to college.

[Cambist]

I always felt (and still do feel) that I would have been more successful had I gone into the military first. I was smart but unfocused. I loved to learn but hated to study. As my advisor would say, "Cam, you're smart but lazy...bright, unfocused, articulate and trifling all at the same time."

College was the obvious next step and I didn't have the courage to tell my mother that I was going into the Navy. My father never went to college but my mother has several degrees. Hell, my great-grandmother (BigMomma) went to college.

My kids will understand the importance of education so if they decide to go off to the military or Peace Corps first...so be it.

[MochaD]

Yeah Cam, that's EXACTLY what the military did for me...igot me focused on the big picture and the end result(s). It's not as bad as you think Levelone. Back then (not sure about now though) they gave you the tools to be able to handle just about anything...just about.