Respect Your Elders

[ReignMan19]

^^ I just took back MY karma.... they were ill gotten gains....

[T-Rex91]

I would exalt you Reign but you said the cryptkeeper hassling Damie was a descendent. Sawry

[ReignMan19]

Mar 24, 2010 8:05:22 GMT -5 T-Rex91 said:

I would exalt you Reign but you said the cryptkeeper hassling Damie was a descendent. Sawry

you know what I meant.. I didn't mean you had the old broad she is a member of your family. Well you all exiled her for wearing poly/cotton blends but still....

[T-Rex91]

Actually I like poly/cotton blends, no shrinkage, but dri fit is better....oh nevermind

[ReignMan19]

lol.. you fall for it everytime...

[Southie]

I do not see anything with adding Mr or Ms to the name. It depends on several factors: work culture, level of authority, and years.

Look at teachers: students must say..mr or mrs ??

[DamieQue™]

Interesting responses. It seems the majority of you are leaning towards just going with "Ms". Of you who vote for "just go with Ms" have you actually experienced this situation yourself? Not a trap question just curious.

[DamieQue™]

Mar 24, 2010 7:57:47 GMT -5 ReignMan19 said:

^^ I just took back MY karma.... they were ill gotten gains....

Pep - I just gave you your Karma back. Reign will get his in an hour. We all have Health Care and all is right with the world.

[Coldfront06]

I've never had anyone specifically request that I call them Mr. or Ms. Out of habit, I usually call any Black man or woman who appears old enough to be my parent or grandparent Mr. or Ms. I noticed that I rarely do the same for White co-workers though...LOL. They get first name only.

In this situation, I'd probably call her Ms. when I had to deal with her, and just leave her crusty ass alone as much as possible. Are you certain that she's never said anything to the White co-workers? If so, thats sad but it wouldn't factor into my decision.

[DamieQue™]

Mar 24, 2010 10:19:31 GMT -5 Coldfront06 said:

I've never had anyone specifically request that I call them Mr. or Ms. Out of habit, I usually call any Black man or woman who appears old enough to be my parent or grandparent Mr. or Ms. I noticed that I rarely do the same for White co-workers though...LOL. They get first name only.

In this situation, I'd probably call her Ms. when I had to deal with her, and just leave her crusty ass alone as much as possible. Are you certain that she's never said anything to the White co-workers? If so, thats sad but it wouldn't factor into my decision.

Naw Cold, these aren't rumors... I have SEEN them do it, repeatedly. If I had just seen it one time I would think, well maybe she didn't hear them, or maybe she didn't feel like dealing with them - but it has been repeated and without protest. She is certainly not the oldest person here - but outside of her EVERYONE is on a first name basis... even the Program Director for whom she works.

Hell even when the Vice Presidents come to visit, they are referred to by first name, no one calls them sir, ma'am, ms., or mr.

[ReignMan19]

Nope never been in the situation because I automatically do it. I would honestly feel weird calling someone that much older than me just by their first name *shrugs* .
Like Cold its very rare that I would refer to someone outside of my as MS. MR. such and such

[LejaOMG]

Now that I think of it; I had a Black executive @ my current job refer to herself as Miss Gwen when she called me on the phone.

Leja: Goodafternoon, Leja Moreno
Jawn: Hi Baby, It's Miss Gwen. Come to my office real quick sweetie.

It it obvious that she does not see me as equal, hence all the diminuitive nicknames; the directive (not request) to drop what I was doing to attend to her; the requirement that I come to her office rather than she coming to mine...She has a daughter my age, so she can't fathom me as a co-worker. M'eh. I treat her with the utmost respect, but I don't feel comfortable calling her Miss Gwen. So I don't. She hasn't attempted to correct me though. And quite honestly, I don't really use her name when addressing her at all. I've seen other Black coworkers call her Miss. They do the same for an old Black man and an old white Woman in our office as well. It doesn't bother me because I understand why they do it (I just won't do it. IDK what effect, if any, that has on my workplace perception). You can rest assured the clears are not calling anybody Miss nothin 'round here.

Just once at my current job, I had a Black woman tell me to "respect your elders, girl. I'm old enough to be your mother." But that was because I got a little rough with her during a (work-related) argument. Further, I think she was kinda playing, because when someone else came by, she told them "Leja called herself tellin me off earlier!" She never requested that I call her Miss.

[ReignMan19]

and maybe thats its... I dont use first names a lot. In my current job (and my most previous) we use first name last name a lot. I'm referred to as Reign Man (no relation). I referred to my coworkers are first name last name. thats weird. I never noticed that. I swear OO makes you realize the strangiest ish.

[BKupInHere]

I have a 50 yr old black female hypochondriac coworker that called our white Italian male boss (same age as herself) "Mr. Nick"(his FIRST name). She also calls the Black man that replaced him (at least 10-15 years younger than she) "Mr Darryl". Both bosses called her "Mammy"***

***not her real name

I did tell her (I didnt ask) "Could you stop that cooning, Gone With the Wind Bulls!ht?"
She thought I was joking

[DamieQue™]

Mar 24, 2010 22:39:14 GMT -5 BKupInHere said:

I have a 50 yr old black female hypochondriac coworker that called our white Italian male boss (same age as herself) "Mr. Nick"(his FIRST name). She also calls the Black man that replaced him (at least 10-15 years younger than she) "Mr Darryl". Both bosses called her "Mammy"***

***not her real name

I did tell her (I didnt ask) "Could you stop that cooning, Gone With the Wind Bulls!ht? "
She thought I was joking

I think that's part of what bothers me. This is not the era of Freedom Summer - it's 2010.

[Chal™]

wow

[Bunny Hop]

MAMMY....WTH! Did she breastfeed and clothe them too? UGH

[Julie Art]

Now the "Mammy" is out of order. Sooooooooooooo out of order. I do find it interesting though, that those up north see it as "cooning and Gone with the Wind" ish, while us down south just see it more as a geographical culture, without us thinking we are inferior, etc., etc.

Interesting indeed.

[DamieQue™]

Mar 25, 2010 13:12:46 GMT -5 Julie Art said:

Now the "Mammy" is out of order. Sooooooooooooo out of order. I do find it interesting though, that those up north see it as "cooning and Gone with the Wind" ish, while us down south just see it more as a geographical culture, without us thinking we are inferior, etc., etc.

Interesting indeed.

Naw Juice... I don't think this one is geographical. Actually when I was leaving for a meeting it finally just clicked for me. This work environment is a professional environment for me - not a social one. I'm not hanging out with these people getting beers after work... we're not meeting up at Chuck-E-Cheese with our kids. Our relationship is purely professional - what I feel like she was trying to force on me is a social expectation.

In a social setting I'm fine with not being her peer, but at work we are ALL peers. That's what the culture is, that's what they foster, that's what they observe. My work culture is particular about avoiding titles - even the Dr.'s want to be referred to on a first name basis.

What is coonish about it is that, if she feels as though we should bring in that social aspect (in an environment where it is generally not welcomed) that she can apply it to only black people while white people first-name her the whole live long day.

That is what's bothering me. It's a social meme, she's trying to force into a professional environment that discourages them that she's applying inconsistently.

[Julie Art]

I say, bring it to her attention. You know me, I'm up front with mine. You should ask her why does she want you to call her Mrs. so and so, when she doesn't expect the clears to do the same thing. See what she says.

Mar 25, 2010 14:19:11 GMT -5 DamieQue™ said:

Mar 25, 2010 13:12:46 GMT -5 Julie Art said:

Now the "Mammy" is out of order. Sooooooooooooo out of order. I do find it interesting though, that those up north see it as "cooning and Gone with the Wind" ish, while us down south just see it more as a geographical culture, without us thinking we are inferior, etc., etc.

Interesting indeed.

Naw Juice... I don't think this one is geographical. Actually when I was leaving for a meeting it finally just clicked for me. This work environment is a professional environment for me - not a social one. I'm not hanging out with these people getting beers after work... we're not meeting up at Chuck-E-Cheese with our kids. Our relationship is purely professional - what I feel like she was trying to force on me is a social expectation.

In a social setting I'm fine with not being her peer, but at work we are ALL peers. That's what the culture is, that's what they foster, that's what they observe. My work culture is particular about avoiding titles - even the Dr.'s want to be referred to on a first name basis.

What is coonish about it is that, if she feels as though we should bring in that social aspect (in an environment where it is generally not welcomed) that she can apply it to only black people while white people first-name her the whole live long day.

That is what's bothering me. It's a social meme, she's trying to force into a professional environment that discourages them that she's applying inconsistently.

[Chal™]

why this chick....

never mind.

[Bunny Hop]

This thread has given me a lot to think about. And I have noticed that NONE of the White people at work call anyone Miss, Ms, Mr or Mrs anything. I guess those people (it's 3 and not just 1) that I call Ms. are some that are much older and I really respect and like. But I kind of feel like I want to stop because it's unecessary...IDK.

I'm just thinking out loud, lol.

[nsync]

I remember my mother stating (when I was a child) that her others coworkers would bring their kids in and have them call all the grown folks by first name only. She was so disgusted. I've always remembered that. So even into adulthood. I call folks Mr and Mrs outside of work. I'm from the north. My children will do the same. At work everyone is first name basis.That is professional culture.

I can't stand all the north vs south ish. Yeah I said and Ill keep saying it ad nauseum.
As if we need yet another thing to divide us even if it is all fun and games.

Anyhow there is an older admin person who is in her 70s at my job. She demands everyone to call her Ms even the president of the company. And guess what? We all do. Lol

[Chal™]

Mar 28, 2010 12:25:32 GMT -5 @nsync said:

I remember my mother stating (when I was a child) that her others coworkers would bring their kids in and have them call all the grown folks by first name only. She was so disgusted. I've always remembered that. So even into adulthood. I call folks Mr and Mrs outside of work. I'm from the north. My children will do the same. At work everyone is first name basis.That is professional culture.

I can't stand all the north vs south ish. Yeah I said and Ill keep saying it ad nauseum.
As if we need yet another thing to divide us even if it is all fun and games.

Anyhow there is an older admin person who is in her 70s at my job. She demands everyone to call her Ms even the president of the company. And guess what? We all do. Lol

That's because she's from the south.

J/K Outtie. ;D

[Bunny Hop]

Mar 28, 2010 12:25:32 GMT -5 @nsync said:

I can't stand all the north vs south ish. Yeah I said and Ill keep saying it ad nauseum.
As if we need yet another thing to divide us even if it is all fun and games.

I agree. For me it has nothing to do with location but with what you were taught or just learned as you grew up. My Dad didn't grow up in the South but my mother did...he hated that I didn't call people by these titles and my mother didn't really care.

[Cambist]

I wouldn't call anyone Miss/Ms/Mrs/Mr <firstname>. If they insisted that I put a handle on their address, I would simply address them as Ms. <lastname> and keep it moving.

I would also be sure to address her as Ms. <lastname> to others (including the Program Director) when they use her first name. She's an admin....give her the handle and keep it moving.

Interestingly, when you start referring to her as Ms., others in the office might just start doing the same. Either way....I wouldn't fight this battle.

[Bunny Hop]

Or they might ask "Why do you keep calling her Ms. ___?" LOL

[LejaOMG]

I heard myself calling an older Black woman (a secretary outside my practice group) Miss Rose in the firm this morning. I thought of ya'll. It came out that way b/c I couldn't think of her last name (as first names are soo commonly used in the firm). I chuckled to myself. It'd be different if she had requested/required it

[Prissy New Year!!!]

Maybe she felt comfortable telling you that because she feels like she is training you. I don't mean that in a negative way, but maybe she feels more invested in making sure that you have good manners and so she corrects you, whereas she could care less how white people conduct themselves.

I am just thinking of myself. I am usually more interested in making sure that black kids conduct themselves appropriately just because I care about them. When white kids are out of order, I just shake my head and judge them silently.

[Julie Art]

Some of you all are high-freaking-larious.