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Post by Chal™ on Mar 22, 2010 23:01:56 GMT -5
Lololololol! I came in here to say one thing and got completely side tracked with Kyng and Muse conversation! Oh! Remember now. Just because someone uses miss or mister doesn't mean the person feels themselves to be inferior, or to even liken it to slave mentality. It could be apart of geographical culture, I.E. Southern hospitality. Just another aspect to ponder. I don't care if you are the custodian, you will be called Ms. Or Mr. Whatever out of respect. To each their own. Exactly, because you best believe Chal doesn't feel inferior to anyone. I am of the mindset that to get respect you have to give it. If they don't reciprocate, oh well, let them be the asses. I've pretty much shown my hand on that one. But I will continue to do what I feel is right and address you as Ms. or Mr. Even if you say (using Muse as an example), "Call me Kalani." It will be a while before I can stop saying Ms. Muse. And even then it will be Ms. Kalani. Now, of course this applies to a business or formal/church/professional type setting. If we just cool and hang out sometimes, it'll be like, "Yo, Juicy!!! Whurr you finna go?!?!?" lol Btw, Ms. AKAD, I owe you an exalt.  |
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Post by Julie Art on Mar 22, 2010 23:13:28 GMT -5
Lololololol! I will be looking for it! I mean, if the person is much older than me, even a relaxed setting I say miss or mr. For example, even when I'm joking with the secretary, I still be like you are so crazy Ms. Lucielle! Heck, she is a grandmother, got some kids older than me. Its just on automatic.
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Post by T-Rex91 on Mar 23, 2010 8:17:56 GMT -5
At least in my company, EA's can make your life heaven or hell. I'd call her Ms. Brianne and keep it pushing.
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Post by Bunny Hop on Mar 23, 2010 8:27:48 GMT -5
Apparently even in my mid 30's she feels I'm young enough that I should give her a title. But we are at work, and as best I can tell it is not a requirement that has been asked of younger white co-workers.
What would YOU do? @ the bolded - If you could see my side eye through the screen, LOL. When I was at the lab I didn't call anyone Mr. or Mrs. and no one expected that. There was also no Dr. this or that. It seemed unnecessary. In your situation, IDK because I kind of have the same issue. There is one person I call Miss and she is 70 something and I feel like I'm dealing with an older aunt when I talk to her, LOL. Everyone else gets a first name. I'm 27 and I'm not calling a 30 something Mrs/Mr (unless we are working with kids). The people who are in their teens and early 20s call people Miss/Mr though. |
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Mar 23, 2010 11:44:55 GMT -5
Let me start by saying: I am not old-school. I do, however, have (quite rigorous) home training. That said, I've gone through this ALOT. I will do no such thing. Referring to someone with a handle and their first name (i.e. Miss Leja) is a plantation-era tradition, that I find utterly irrelevant in the (professional) workplace. People underestimate the implications that naming conventions carry. Occasionally, I run across older men or women to whom I wish to show deference or respect. I address those people by their title (Dr., Judge, Professor, etc.) I do it even if their title is unwieldy (i.e. Associate Commissioner Smith or Deputy Under-Secretary Jones). Usually people with sense will eventually announce, "oh, please call me John." If you don't have a title; and you still feel that you need a handle because I'm too young, inferior, new, inexperienced (insert adj here), I'll say Miss Koolkat (even though you probably just need to get over yourself). I'll also be sure to refer to myself as Ms. Moreno as needed on the phone and in emails. If you insist on being a d!ckhead, I'll ignore you whenever possible and if I need you for anything at all, I will not call you by name. The same sharecropper mindset folks who require everyone to call them "Miss" are the same ones who consciously (or subconsciously) elevate white people over themselves; who genuinely believe that there are still two sets of rules for the two races (I call to mind a story my mother told about a black patient who refused to be seen by her, a Black doctor and who showed the utmost respect to a white, male nurse). I actually have much more to say on the subject, but I'll stop here for now. I agree. I think it's VERY appropriate for children - b/c they are children. Damie is NOT a child. Period. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 23, 2010 14:18:07 GMT -5
Let me start by saying: I am not old-school. I do, however, have (quite rigorous) home training. That said, I've gone through this ALOT. I will do no such thing. Referring to someone with a handle and their first name (i.e. Miss Leja) is a plantation-era tradition, that I find utterly irrelevant in the (professional) workplace. People underestimate the implications that naming conventions carry. Occasionally, I run across older men or women to whom I wish to show deference or respect. I address those people by their title (Dr., Judge, Professor, etc.) I do it even if their title is unwieldy (i.e. Associate Commissioner Smith or Deputy Under-Secretary Jones). Usually people with sense will eventually announce, "oh, please call me John." If you don't have a title; and you still feel that you need a handle because I'm too young, inferior, new, inexperienced (insert adj here), I'll say Miss Koolkat (even though you probably just need to get over yourself). I'll also be sure to refer to myself as Ms. Moreno as needed on the phone and in emails. If you insist on being a d!ckhead, I'll ignore you whenever possible and if I need you for anything at all, I will not call you by name. The same sharecropper mindset folks who require everyone to call them "Miss" are the same ones who consciously (or subconsciously) elevate white people over themselves; who genuinely believe that there are still two sets of rules for the two races (I call to mind a story my mother told about a black patient who refused to be seen by her, a Black doctor and who showed the utmost respect to a white, male nurse). I actually have much more to say on the subject, but I'll stop here for now. I agree. I think it's VERY appropriate for children - b/c they are children. Damie is NOT a child. Period.
Seriously though... I might could ride with it, if it was some sort of boutique thing where EVERYONE referred to her as Ms. But no way is she just applying that to me and some other black folks while the 25s talk to her like she's Hanna Montana. No sir. Not happening. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 23, 2010 14:30:25 GMT -5
call that old ass broad Ms Such and Such and let it go... lol
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 23, 2010 14:33:47 GMT -5
call that old ass broad Ms Such and Such and let it go... lol  |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 23, 2010 14:35:32 GMT -5
The woman is going to be dead in the few years and all she wanted before she died is to be referred to as Ms. and you couldn't even fullfill that wish.... SMH
Question: Does she talk like Cicely Tyson?
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Post by peppermint on Mar 23, 2010 14:38:49 GMT -5
I'm thinking she singled you out for cultural reasons. This may be too deep, but part of it could be the appearance of a black man showing respect to a black woman regardless of what the whites are doing. When people hear you calling her Ms. Brianne, they may change :/. I know older black women who think along these lines (one is very clearly sticking out in my mind right now lol). Depending upon where she's from and how old she is, it may be perfectly acceptable for a white person to call her by her first name or even refer to her as a "girl" but not for a black person to do the same.
I do have a friend who doesn't use Ms./Mrs./Mr. with white people because of the historical context Leja mentioned. I'm with Reign and 91, just call her Ms. and leave it be.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 23, 2010 14:39:16 GMT -5
The woman is going to be dead in the few years and all she wanted before she died is to be referred to as Ms. and you couldn't even fullfill that wish.... SMH Question: Does she talk like Cicely Tyson? |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 23, 2010 14:46:27 GMT -5
I'm thinking she singled you out for cultural reasons. This may be too deep, but part of it could be the appearance of a black man showing respect to a black woman regardless of what the whites are doing. When people hear you calling her Ms. Brianne, they may change :/. I know older black women who think along these lines (one is very clearly sticking out in my mind right now lol). Depending upon where she's from and how old she is, it may be perfectly acceptable for a white person to call her by her first name or even refer to her as a "girl" but not for a black person to do the same. I do have a friend who doesn't use Ms./Mrs./Mr. with white people because of the historical context Leja mentioned. I'm with Reign and 91, just call her Ms. and leave it be.
P.S. you accidentally got Reign's exalt... but you make decent posts so you're good for it.
Sorry Reign. Better luck next time. Honest mistake. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 23, 2010 14:52:33 GMT -5
The woman is going to be dead in the few years and all she wanted before she died is to be referred to as Ms. and you couldn't even fullfill that wish.... SMH Question: Does she talk like Cicely Tyson? SMH... That woman has nothing but the Light to look forward to because it def will not be Damie calling her Ms. |
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Post by Julie Art on Mar 23, 2010 15:03:51 GMT -5
LOL @ Reign! I mean Damie, did you ask her if she asks the 25's to do the same, or are you assuming?
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 23, 2010 15:09:06 GMT -5
P.S. you accidentally got Reign's exalt... but you make decent posts so you're good for it. Sorry Reign. Better luck next time. Honest mistake. [/color][/quote] Its ok.. I just smited her. |
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 23, 2010 15:12:36 GMT -5
LMBO @ Reign
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 23, 2010 15:29:38 GMT -5
"If I choose to respect you in that way that's one thing. However, she shouldn't look at it as a requirement."
Very True... 1) It isn't a requirement and she shouldn't look for it to be 2) I personally don't see the harm in saying it. She is a secretary realistically what other areas can she require you to bend in (maybe its my own blind arrogance).
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 23, 2010 15:34:24 GMT -5
she could make you uh......
i got's nothing.
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 23, 2010 15:37:30 GMT -5
she could make you uh...... i got's nothing. Exactly... Callin her Ms. is like the MOST I could ever do for her...lol |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 23, 2010 15:43:09 GMT -5
LOL @ Reign! I mean Damie, did you ask her if she asks the 25's to do the same, or are you assuming? |
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 23, 2010 15:51:28 GMT -5
LMBO @ BRI-DIZZY
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 23, 2010 15:54:36 GMT -5
She maybe one of 91's exiled descendents. She doesn't have the fortune but still wants the reverence. Next she is going to want him to refer to her as "Nubian Godess the African Matriach"
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 23, 2010 15:56:35 GMT -5
I will literally slap her out the window with her own IBM keyboard if she does that
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 23, 2010 16:02:52 GMT -5
wouldn't she be more like an ancestor? she's older, right? lol
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Post by Julie Art on Mar 23, 2010 16:51:55 GMT -5
LOL @ Reign! I mean Damie, did you ask her if she asks the 25's to do the same, or are you assuming? I'm done with you, please know this, lololollol! |
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Post by T-Rex91 on Mar 23, 2010 17:31:36 GMT -5
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 23, 2010 18:12:11 GMT -5
lol. that's what I said.
oh, and I had my co worker dying off of Bri-dizzy
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Post by 123Diva on Mar 23, 2010 19:08:12 GMT -5
This is a great topic. I have actually seen this play out in the workplace before. Except it wasn't a request, it was just something that was done. Two older black women were around and most (ok, everyone EXCEPT me) younger black employees referred to them as Ms. such and such out of deference. One was in an Admin role, sweet as pie, LOVED her. The other was in a more senior role. They never asked anyone to refer to them as such; it's just what happened. And it was never the white folks who did it.
It's funny b/c growing up in NYC I associated certain things with masters and plantations. Now, I ma'am and sir everybody and I look at kids (10 and under) with a slight side-eye when I don't get a "Ms." in front of my name.
If it was me, I would call her "Ms." because she requested it, and leave it at that.
Folks are just soooo damn extra sometimes.
Oh yea titles don't mean shyt to me as far as respect. What I mean by that is this: I start out treating everyone with the UTMOST respect because it is how I want to be treated. If I sir the president, best believe I will sir the janitor as well. To me, they're BOTH just as important. I also readily assess a person's character by how they treat and refer to and speak about the perceived "help".
That's just a 123 Diva thing tho. It's truly in the fiber of my being to be this way. It makes my current temp job kinda crazy. It's not the best workplace culture.
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Post by Julie Art on Mar 23, 2010 19:21:33 GMT -5
She maybe one of 91's exiled descendents. She doesn't have the fortune but still wants the reverence. Next she is going to want him to refer to her as "Nubian Godess the African Matriach"  How is this old broad a "descendent"  RRRRRRRROOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! I guess they tryna say because of her perceived entitlement, lololololol! |
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Post by peppermint on Mar 23, 2010 23:23:27 GMT -5
P.S. you accidentally got Reign's exalt... but you make decent posts so you're good for it. Sorry Reign. Better luck next time. Honest mistake. [/color][/quote] Its ok.. I just smited her. [/quote] Watch your karma e-homie, watch yo karma |
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How is this old broad a "descendent"