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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 20:56:34 GMT -5
Im assuming you asked as well, right? The dude that thinks he's marrying my daughter BETTER come see me first!! |
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Post by princeprimo on Jan 28, 2008 21:46:57 GMT -5
This is a slight spinoff from the take last name thread. Men (married) did you ask your wife's father for her hand in marriage? Men (single) do you plan on asking your boo's father for her hand in marriage? Is this tradition still valid or simply an archaic form of suck up? Women is (was) this important to you? Do tell... I think it shows a form of respect to your future wife AND her family by asking for her hand in marraige from her father. Not that it's necessary, a deal breaker, etc. It is to me a form of respect. I feel I get along pretty cool with the father of my future wife, so I'd have no problem with it... |
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Post by BrnSuga on Jan 28, 2008 21:50:18 GMT -5
My husband asked for my MOTHER'S blessing before asking me to marry him.
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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 22:08:49 GMT -5
This is cool especially if your mother was very instrumental in the daughter's upbringing as well. I wouldn't mind my mother being apart of the asking. That would be wonderful!  My husband asked for my MOTHER'S blessing before asking me to marry him. |
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Post by BrnSuga on Jan 28, 2008 22:11:16 GMT -5
This is cool especially if your mother was very instrumental in the daughter's upbringing as well. I wouldn't mind my mother being apart of the asking. That would be wonderful! My husband asked for my MOTHER'S blessing before asking me to marry him. That was exactly why he did it the way that he did. My mom was the instrument of my upbringing. My parents divorced when I was 4 and although, I've always had a great relationship with my dad, it was mom who always had my back. |
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Post by FULLOFME on Jan 28, 2008 22:15:43 GMT -5
Mothers are awesome like that...
<-----loves her Mommy
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jvj1911
OOA Interest
Yo Baby Yo!!!
Posts: 32
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Post by jvj1911 on Jan 28, 2008 22:20:17 GMT -5
We've been married for almost 12 years, and when I proposed, I asked my inlaws together. It was the honorable thing to do. As of tomorrow, I will have three daughters. They will be raised to know that if I'm still alive when that day comes, their future husbands will know that they will also have to do the honorable thing. They will know that it will be expected. It honors the father and I'm glad I did it. I do believe that as a result, my father-in-law and I had a great relationship all the way up to his passing.
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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 22:43:12 GMT -5
Yes! I agree with this 100%. I respect that! This is cool especially if your mother was very instrumental in the daughter's upbringing as well. I wouldn't mind my mother being apart of the asking. That would be wonderful! That was exactly why he did it the way that he did. My mom was the instrument of my upbringing. My parents divorced when I was 4 and although, I've always had a great relationship with my dad, it was mom who always had my back. |
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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 22:45:51 GMT -5
They are--aren't they. Mothers are awesome like that... <-----loves her Mommy |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jan 28, 2008 22:46:24 GMT -5
Seems like men are willing to follow the tradition to show respect and honor the parents. Hmmmmm.
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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 22:47:37 GMT -5
womp womp.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jan 28, 2008 22:57:25 GMT -5
This seems to be the woman's response to compromise. Dah well.
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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 22:59:49 GMT -5
LMAO. It's a hard knock life isn't it?
O--- is big on compromise always!
However I know when to stand my ground.
Stand for nothing fall for everything.
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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 23:03:56 GMT -5
p.s how do you feel about asking the father?
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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 23:07:36 GMT -5
your mother maybe? Grandfather? favorite Uncle? You know I keep hearing men saying they will NOW be taking care of the woman. With women being much more independent and career minding---with their own property, car, assets etc.....how exactly do men "take care" women now. Is it still financial, physical (how often is that necessary JUST curious), emotional---  ? Any answers? |
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Post by FULLOFME on Jan 28, 2008 23:12:57 GMT -5
your mother maybe? Grandfather? favorite Uncle? You know I keep hearing men saying they will NOW be taking care of the woman. With women being much more independent and career minding---with their own property, car, assets etc.....how exactly do men "take care" women now. Is it still financial, physical (how often is that necessary JUST curious), emotional--- ? Any answers? to me it is not tangible where you can say it is this or that...it is more of a quiet assurance that he will handle whatever comes his wife's/family's way...it comes from within and shows outwardly in his actions towards his wife/family... |
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Post by Sapphire on Jan 28, 2008 23:13:35 GMT -5
I'm the odd man out on this.... I don't want anyone to be asked before I am. The weird part of me has a need to be the first one to know I'm getting married (or any other big surprise). I'm not that close to my parents, so maybe if I was I'd feel differently. But as it stands I want to be the first (other than the hubby to be) to know and share the exciting news.
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Post by BKupInHere on Jan 28, 2008 23:13:56 GMT -5
<---can see her Trinidadian father giving my future husband a case of RUM as an incentive to marry me
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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 23:15:34 GMT -5
Diz how did you get -3 Karma? LOL I think it may be normal Diz. I come from a traditional household and my views are all over the place. LOL So I guess it can be a mixed of what you were taught and what you desire based on what happened around you. I know my dad is extremely lax. He's never really like any of my boyfriends, but he more relaxed in how he lets me know. I think he would say yes wether he's like a dude or not. That's just how he is. I was shocked that he called me to personally say he like my current. However my uncle is more hands on. He asks lots of questions, he makes threats. LOL he lets me know what he likes and what improvement he t hinks needs to be made. Sometimes I wonder if he should be asked instead. Just joking kinda. Dis....I've found what is important to you is what will work for you. You don't have to stick to traditions that are not important to you or do not have a significant value in your life. Also, as life progresses your views may change. So you may not feel this way in a few years or your will. Life is funny like that. O----wants to be invited to Dis' wedding. LOL |
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Post by princeprimo on Jan 28, 2008 23:16:24 GMT -5
I'm the odd man out on this.... I don't want anyone to be asked before I am. The weird part of me has a need to be the first one to know I'm getting married (or any other big surprise). I'm not that close to my parents, so maybe if I was I'd feel differently. But as it stands I want to be the first (other than the hubby to be) to know and share the exciting news. Actually, that's how I've always felt about it. Propose to your partner, then ask for the hand in marraige... |
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Post by msurbana on Jan 28, 2008 23:18:36 GMT -5
Why ask for something you already have...?
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Post by FULLOFME on Jan 28, 2008 23:19:24 GMT -5
We knew we were going to marry before he actually formally asked so his discussion came with that planning or progression of the relationship, then he proposed once he got a ring so I don't know if I was informed first or not? ...my Mommy knew he had the ring before me though and knew when he was going to ask... |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jan 28, 2008 23:29:00 GMT -5
Dis....I've found what is important to you is what will work for you. You don't have to stick to traditions that are not important to you or do not have a significant value in your life. |
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Post by msurbana on Jan 29, 2008 0:17:00 GMT -5
Why have you not answered the question? Dis....I've found what is important to you is what will work for you. You don't have to stick to traditions that are not important to you or do not have a significant value in your life. |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Jan 29, 2008 7:54:39 GMT -5
when I was younger and even a few years ago I would have said whatever because our(my dad and I) relationship was not so hot. But I'm older and more mature an our relationship is so much better.
I think to not ask him would be so disrespectful and would undue all the good between us now. Even though my Dad may not know me like my mother does he's still my father, a man and will call a spade a spade, lol. He also needs to speak with my Mom since she was the one that raised me.
Plus I feel like marriage is not totally about the couple. There are a lot of other people coming together when two people get married.
I don't know if I would not marry someone if my parents didn't approve of him. It will probably make me take good long look at the relationship though.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jan 29, 2008 8:33:23 GMT -5
I did... but it was perhaps too subtle. I would ask the father. It's really a matter of respect. And even if I didn't want to do it, I would still do it to show respect to her side of the family. I guess she on the other hand can do what's important to her and what will work for her. She doesn't have to stick to traditions that are not important to her or do not have a significant value in her life. ;D Carry on. This is an aside to the main conversation. I'm just making mental notes. Why have you not answered the question? LOL - does the other person (the one she's marrying) have any say at all. LOL.
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Post by Nupey on Jan 29, 2008 8:34:32 GMT -5
What if its her STEP FATHER, and she's only known him 9 years of her life....and he's White?
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Post by QueenOH on Jan 29, 2008 8:34:59 GMT -5
*pats Nupey on the head*
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jan 29, 2008 8:48:54 GMT -5
What if its her STEP FATHER, and she's only known him 9 years of her life....and he's White? |
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Post by Nupey on Jan 29, 2008 8:54:27 GMT -5
What if its her STEP FATHER, and she's only known him 9 years of her life....and he's White? I see. Well I didnt ask him If we could move in together...but I can see your point |
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