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Post by Cambist on Jul 29, 2009 13:05:34 GMT -5
They don't grow men like they used to. They don't grow anyone like they used to. This is kinda like the farming industury. Raise millions of chickens or cows or corn using steroids, antibiotics, pesticides, etc....with little hands on work....the only goal is to have end result product. Have kids --> feed them---> put them out of the house..... |
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Post by Warner Fite on Jul 29, 2009 13:08:47 GMT -5
They don't grow men like they used to. They don't grow anyone like they used to. This is kinda like the farming industury. Raise millions of chickens or cows or corn using steroids, antibiotics, pesticides, etc....with little hands on work....the only goal is to have end result product. Have kids --> feed them---> put them out of the house..... Some mo' real shyt! |
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Post by Noble Work on Jul 29, 2009 13:29:43 GMT -5
But while times has changed LOVE hasn't. I would love to sit and listen to an older couple who has been married for 50, 60 yrs. Listen to what they have to say about holding a marriage together and what love truly means. Listen to what they went through to make sure love endures. I will not believe that "back in the day" it was easier being married or less they had to deal with. Love is love no matter what. They had their problems and we have our problems of today. That dose not make ours harder or more, it just make them different. Their problems mold to their times and lifestyle and ours mold to our times and lifestyle. Bottom line they didn't bytch up and walk away.
Some of us get divorce because of loosing a job, home (spouse ain't making enough) or whatever or not having enough. Then comes the arguing, then the stress. But some of our grandparents lived and made it through the Great Depression which wasn't easy at all .....and yes going through that is a physiological war in it's self. Some had to resort to growing their own food. Sometimes selling some to get some. Some had to pack up the whole families and move to the next state just to find work. Add having little to no education on top of this. But they made it and our parents were born. (mine at least).
What I'm saying is that if they can do it, WE can do it.
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Jul 29, 2009 13:38:57 GMT -5
I got tired of being married to "him" - not tired of being married. IIWII  I'll be signing the divorce papers this week. |
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Post by Highly Favored on Jul 29, 2009 14:03:19 GMT -5
The Reason for the Thread: As many of you know, for some reason, people like and feel comfortable to me. It's a blessing and a curse. Lately (the past 3-4 years) i've noticed more and more of my peers divorcing for no appearant reason. This thread was made to complement the article so many labled as "obvious"....it spoke about how the chance of divorce goes up if several factors are true (married before 25, child or co-habitating before marriage, etc....) So, what i'm getting at is kinda what EPUN said.....maturity has a lot to do with this marriage game. I'm not saying that a 24 year old CAN'T make a mature decision. It's done all the time. What I am saying is that there is no cosmic bond that somehow materializes once we say "I Do". While "I'm tired of being married" is not a good excuse, it's usually not THE reason. There are underlying reasons, the most common is that the two have outgrown each other....period. Especially those who married young. I just wanted to get you guys opinions and thoughts to see if my reasoning was out of touch. I see... BTW, I was one of the ones who said the findings of the study were obvious. I later said that maybe that word was a little strong, but that the findings of the study didn't surprise me. I definitely agree that there is a correlation between the age a person marries and their use of the excuse that they are tired of being married. In a way, my response in this thread supports that. I said I got tired from time to time and felt like I wanted freedom from the responsibility of marriage and children. And, you are right, the age at which we married has a lot to do with it. That is not hard for me to see, so I guess I didn't understand why a study was needed for that. My husband and I both were less than 25 when we married and, as I mentioned previously, we have been married 19 years. I am not the same person I was when I got married and neither is he. We have both changed and evolved as we experienced life. If I were meeting him for the first time now, we would probably not end up together. If I could live my life over again, I would definitely wait until I was older to get married and I might not get married at all. I advise others to wait and not rush into it, as well. With that being said, in spite of the changes, the trials, the tribulations, the times, etc., I truly love my husband and I believe he truly loves me. That love has trascended everything else. In addition to the love is true commitment. When I married my husband, I didn't enter it with the idea that I could just get a divorce at any time and under any condition. Divorce is not even on the table for me - it never has been. It will only be an option as a last resort (ex. abuse, he doesn't want to be married to me anymore, etc.). Someone mentioned limited options for women in other generations. There is a lot of truth in that. Women stayed in marriages because they felt they didn't have a choice. They were not as educated, in some cases, and did not have the career options women enjoy today. Add to that, many of them had A LOT of children. In many cases, they needed the husband, no matter what he was doing to them, to survive. Some women have allowed the fact that they don't need their husband financially to have more power in their decision to divorce than they should. The fact is, I and a lot of other married women don't need our husbands' incomes to live well. I have a choice as far as that goes, but I am committed to my vows. I am very traditional when it comes to marriage (and a lot of other things). All of the changes that time has brought about are not good. Bottom line, you and your spouse have the control in your relationship. Many times, I think we let too many things get in the way of that. Someone very nicely expressed that if you are looking for an excuse to get out, you can always find one and, in my observation, it doesn't even have to be a good one. Sorry for the length. This is a good topic. |
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Post by Noble Work on Jul 29, 2009 14:37:58 GMT -5
HF I think you are right. And it sounds like you and your husband love Love. The world can and will throw every thing at a marriage but in the end that same love is still there. Not an excuse, or finding a reason should be an exit from marriage. I think Not being the same person when first married should be a good thing...especially when married young. For one I think there should be growth (upwardly together) in a union. There will be lessons learned and experiences gone threw and shared with each other. This brings you closer. As you grow, you learn more about that person, good and bad. We should learn to give and take, be submissive (wife and husband), be understanding.
Now do I think a young couple should Know this going into marriage? No of course not. Now I do expect that couple to have a core foundation on their union. That's why love must endure. Some one must tell them it will be hard, challenging and frustrating at times. But at the same time it can be breathless, worth more that silver and gold and would not trade it for the world.
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 29, 2009 14:40:38 GMT -5
HF I think you are right. And it sounds like you and your husband love Love. The world can and will throw every thing at a marriage but in the end that same love is still there. Not an excuse, or finding a reason should be an exit from marriage. I think Not being the same person when first married should be a good thing...especially when married young. For one I think there should be growth (upwardly together) in a union. There will be lessons learned and experiences gone threw and shared with each other. This brings you closer. As you grow, you learn more about that person, good and bad. We should learn to give and take, be submissive (wife and husband), be understanding. Now do I think a young couple should Know this going into marriage? No of course not. Now I do expect that couple to have a core foundation on their union. That's why love must endure. Some one must tell them it will be hard, challenging and frustrating at times. But at the same time it can be breathless, worth more that silver and gold and would not trade it for the world. How do 2 people "grow together"? I'm not really challenging your belief. I have just often wondered about this. I really want to know. It is my fear that I will get married and we will grow, but grow apart instead of together. How do you ensure that you grow "together"? |
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Post by Prissy New Year!!! on Jul 29, 2009 14:54:48 GMT -5
HF I think you are right. And it sounds like you and your husband love Love. The world can and will throw every thing at a marriage but in the end that same love is still there. Not an excuse, or finding a reason should be an exit from marriage. I think Not being the same person when first married should be a good thing...especially when married young. For one I think there should be growth (upwardly together) in a union. There will be lessons learned and experiences gone threw and shared with each other. This brings you closer. As you grow, you learn more about that person, good and bad. We should learn to give and take, be submissive (wife and husband), be understanding. Now do I think a young couple should Know this going into marriage? No of course not. Now I do expect that couple to have a core foundation on their union. That's why love must endure. Some one must tell them it will be hard, challenging and frustrating at times. But at the same time it can be breathless, worth more that silver and gold and would not trade it for the world. How do 2 people "grow together"? I'm not really challenging your belief. I have just often wondered about this. I really want to know. It is my fear that I will get married and we will grow, but grow apart instead of together. How do you ensure that you grow "together"? I think it starts with two people who both take marriage seriously. There is really no room for a selfish person in a marriage. You have to be willing to put your spouse's needs first. Both of you also have to have the attitude that divorce is not an option, so therefore you do what is required to make the marriage work. If you are going to stay married you may as well work to make it happy. The movie Fireproof is a good example of how even a troubled marriage can be saved if one of the parties is willing to work on pleasing their spouse. My husband and I make it a point to talk about everything. We don't make decisions without each other and we pray together, particularly at times when we start to feel some distance between us. Marriage requires constant activity to work. You will grow apart if neither of you stays alert and recognize problems and/or distance growing between you. When that happens then you have to work at fixing the problems before they become too big to fix. |
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Post by Prissy New Year!!! on Jul 29, 2009 14:56:07 GMT -5
I got tired of being married to "him" - not tired of being married. IIWII I'll be signing the divorce papers this week. What is it about him? You don't have to answer if it is too personal. It does seem like your feedback would be particularly relevant to this conversation though. |
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 29, 2009 14:57:03 GMT -5
Thanks Prissy.
I keep hearing about Fireproof. I will have to see it.
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Post by Noble Work on Jul 29, 2009 14:59:47 GMT -5
When I man and a women or joined at the hip they are as one.
You have to give and take. Try to be as understanding and compassionate as you can. Do not be selfish in your marriage. If this means setting goals and achieving them....do it together. It may be a different set of goals but support and inspire him/her together.
If you want to earn your MD or PHD...you already have three children, classes/papers kicking your behind. Husband stay at home or take the kids out while moma go to the library for a couple of hours. Some men or husbands would rather hang out with the boys rather than help his wife prosper which could benefit both of them. And it goes both ways. There are women who will have a problem holding things down on the home front while the man/husband cut back on his work hours to finish grad school......Being supportive and understanding will help you grow. If this is reciprocal then you will grow together. And growing together will compliment your marriage.
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 29, 2009 15:01:07 GMT -5
So, work together, pray together, do lots together in order to grow together? Is that kinda the formula?
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Post by Warner Fite on Jul 29, 2009 15:03:12 GMT -5
I got tired of being married to "him" - not tired of being married. IIWII I'll be signing the divorce papers this week. What is it about him? You don't have to answer if it is too personal. It does seem like your feedback would be particularly relevant to this conversation though. stop being being nosey, Auntie Prissy! ;D witcha old azz! |
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 29, 2009 15:04:02 GMT -5
What is it about him? You don't have to answer if it is too personal. It does seem like your feedback would be particularly relevant to this conversation though. stop being being nosey, Auntie Prissy! ;D witcha old azz! LOL |
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Post by Warner Fite on Jul 29, 2009 15:04:36 GMT -5
When I man and a women or joined at the hip they are as one. You have to give and take. Try to be as understanding and compassionate as you can. Do not be selfish in your marriage. If this means setting goals and achieving them....do it together. It may be a different set of goals but support and inspire him/her together. If you want to earn your MD or PHD...you already have three children, classes/papers kicking your behind. Husband stay at home or take the kids out while moma go to the library for a couple of hours. Some men or husbands would rather hang out with the boys rather than help his wife prosper which could benefit both of them. And it goes both ways. There are women who will have a problem holding things down on the home front while the man/husband cut back on his work hours to finish grad school......Being supportive and understanding will help you grow. If this is reciprocal then you will grow together. And growing together will compliment your marriage. yezzzzzir! |
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Post by Noble Work on Jul 29, 2009 15:05:34 GMT -5
Thanks Prissy. I keep hearing about Fireproof. I will have to see it. Fireproof is a great movie. Not giving it away but I'm glad he listened and did not give up. <------watched it twice. |
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Post by Prissy New Year!!! on Jul 29, 2009 15:06:53 GMT -5
What is it about him? You don't have to answer if it is too personal. It does seem like your feedback would be particularly relevant to this conversation though. stop being being nosey, Auntie Prissy! ;D witcha old azz! You know old folks don't recognize boundaries. That is one of the things that most looked forward to about getting older; being able to say whatever I wanted to... |
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Post by Mrs. Eyes on Jul 29, 2009 15:07:01 GMT -5
I think this excuse is used, when they really wanna cheat................................and too damn scared to say they want new fun pieces.
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Jul 29, 2009 15:10:20 GMT -5
I got tired of being married to "him" - not tired of being married. IIWII I'll be signing the divorce papers this week. What is it about him? You don't have to answer if it is too personal. It does seem like your feedback would be particularly relevant to this conversation though. His insecurities ate him alive and tried to swallow me whole. |
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Post by Prissy New Year!!! on Jul 29, 2009 15:12:29 GMT -5
So, work together, pray together, do lots together in order to grow together? Is that kinda the formula? Yes, it is like a garden. You wouldn't dream of just opening a pack of seeds and throwing them on the ground; at least not if you really expected a crop to grow. You till the ground, plant the seeds, fertilize the ground, analyze the soil, add more fertilizer as needed, water as needed, pull up the weeds, etc. You would only know what was needed if you checked your garden frequently. I know my husband so well now that I can sense when something is bothering him, most of the time I know what it is. But I still have to check in with him, talk to him, pray with him, surprise him with little gifts or actions, fix his plate when he is coming in late, let him know that I appreciate him, give him unexpected kisses, that kind of thing. When I stay in tune to his needs and act upon those needs, that is what helps us to grow together. |
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Post by Warner Fite on Jul 29, 2009 15:13:34 GMT -5
stop being being nosey, Auntie Prissy! ;D witcha old azz! You know old folks don't recognize boundaries. That is one of the things that most looked forward to about getting older; being able to say whatever I wanted to... damn like that when you turn 60? |
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 29, 2009 15:15:22 GMT -5
So, work together, pray together, do lots together in order to grow together? Is that kinda the formula? Yes, it is like a garden. You wouldn't dream of just opening a pack of seeds and throwing them on the ground; at least not if you really expected a crop to grow. You till the ground, plant the seeds, fertilize the ground, analyze the soil, add more fertilizer as needed, water as needed, pull up the weeds, etc. You would only know what was needed if you checked your garden frequently. I know my husband so well now that I can sense when something is bothering him, most of the time I know what it is. But I still have to check in with him, talk to him, pray with him, surprise him with little gifts or actions, fix his plate when he is coming in late, let him know that I appreciate him, give him unexpected kisses, that kind of thing. When I stay in tune to his needs and act upon those needs, that is what helps us to grow together. Got it! |
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Post by Mrs. Eyes on Jul 29, 2009 15:20:57 GMT -5
What is it about him? You don't have to answer if it is too personal. It does seem like your feedback would be particularly relevant to this conversation though. His insecurities ate him alive and tried to swallow me whole. Well damn...............................................sounded painful and every sense of the word......... |
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 29, 2009 15:25:45 GMT -5
*flicked my BiC and waving it in the air* Flicked your BiC?  ?? damn, that's old school FA REAL Priss! You know the kids use cell phones now a days! LOL!!!! Oh dag... Im aging myself, huh?  lol |
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Post by Noble Work on Jul 29, 2009 15:27:25 GMT -5
So, work together, pray together, do lots together in order to grow together? Is that kinda the formula? Most of all Diva Pray together. I'm not talking/typing about he on his side of the bed and she on her side. I'm talking about holding hands, that man praying for ya'll and inviting God into your home and hearts. Allowing God to be the head of the house hold (I think it means something when I man has a family and submitting to God Through Prayer), has it's rewards. |
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Post by QueenOH on Jul 29, 2009 15:29:53 GMT -5
Yes, it is like a garden. You wouldn't dream of just opening a pack of seeds and throwing them on the ground; at least not if you really expected a crop to grow. You till the ground, plant the seeds, fertilize the ground, analyze the soil, add more fertilizer as needed, water as needed, pull up the weeds, etc. You would only know what was needed if you checked your garden frequently. All that work is probably why I can't keep the plants in the office alive. I just water them once a week. |
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 29, 2009 15:31:14 GMT -5
So, work together, pray together, do lots together in order to grow together? Is that kinda the formula? Most of all Diva Pray together. I'm not talking/typing about he on his side of the bed and she on her side. I'm talking about holding hands, that man praying for ya'll and inviting God into your home and hearts. Allowing God to be the head of the house hold (I think it means something when I man has a family and submitting to God Through Prayer), has it's rewards. Yea, I hear that. That's definitely a requirement for me and the husband I don't have yet, LOL. I remember seeing those granny bags that said the family that prays together stays together. I believe it 100%. I never saw my parents hold hands and pray. I never saw my parents hold hands  |
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Post by Noble Work on Jul 29, 2009 16:52:55 GMT -5
"I never saw my parents hold hands and pray. I never saw my parents hold hands " awwww me either.......but break that mold and change it. |
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 29, 2009 16:54:16 GMT -5
"I never saw my parents hold hands and pray. I never saw my parents hold hands " awwww me either.......but break that mold and change it. Oh yea, I refuse to live my life like that AND bring children into the mess. Trust me, that cycle is in the process of being broken  |
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 29, 2009 22:43:10 GMT -5
Most of all Diva Pray together. I'm not talking/typing about he on his side of the bed and she on her side. I'm talking about holding hands, that man praying for ya'll and inviting God into your home and hearts. Allowing God to be the head of the house hold (I think it means something when I man has a family and submitting to God Through Prayer), has it's rewards. Yea, I hear that. That's definitely a requirement for me and the husband I don't have yet, LOL. I remember seeing those granny bags that said the family that prays together stays together. I believe it 100%. I never saw my parents hold hands and pray. I never saw my parents hold hands Interesting because just about every dude Ive dated in the past year or so would pray with me...Diva, new criteria perhaps? |
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?? damn, that's old school FA REAL Priss! You know the kids use cell phones now a days! LOL!!!!
lol
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