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Post by LejaOMG on Jul 28, 2009 14:57:59 GMT -5
{~~ is a selective reader
{~~ improves on occasion
{~~ aint ashame
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Post by Bunny Hop on Jul 28, 2009 15:09:33 GMT -5
Do these people ever just take breaks? Not as in separation but a day or so away from it all? Everyone needs a break...
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Post by Warner Fite on Jul 28, 2009 16:00:16 GMT -5
Good question....seriously. Technically, it doesn't fit in. Why would two people passionately in love, about to embark on life's journey together without a SHRED of experience to assist them, want to include "until I get tired of yo ass" in their vows, right? Stay with me.... Nothing about the ceremonial part of marriage includes anything about the hard work and fustration, except for the part "for better or for worse". But what the hell does that mean for two people who are just excited about calling each other "husband" and "wife" and about to go on a week-long honeymoon and fuck each other's brains out? Nothing. not a damn thing... The problem, IMO, is the lack of maturity going in. I seriously wish we had a better system, for lack of better terms, to determine when people should and should not get married... In my three years on OO/OOA, I will say it time and again: Love and Maturity will get two people through anything. True but theoretically (although maybe Im just naive about the truths of our microwave society), shouldnt you all have been together long enough to have been through some stuff together? Like Ive said, I dont want passion. I dont want to be blinded by love. Call me jaded but I dont want it at all bc its a false promise that nobody can keep. Give me someone who shares my core values, I can tolerate, wont get on my nerves, who is dependable, honest, trustworthy and Im attracted to, at least moderately. Keep the passion...its not even worth the headache that is sure to come as soon as it wears off. Core values? Listen, I share core values with lots of people, including you Priss, and we're not married. But fair enough, core values *check*.... Tolerate? You need LOTS of tolerance. Nerves? Your husband will STAY on your nerves all the while he stays dependable, honest, trustworthy and attractive. But fair enough. *check, check, check and check* But keep the passion? The passion is a roller coaster. The passion is kinda part of the equation, the foundation. It comes and goes, but you need it... The reason Auntie Priss and her husband can rip their clothes off after so many years of marriage (now I have a very bad image of a gray-haired woman ripping her clothes off!) and the problems that go along with marriage is because they have passion...even if it's tucked away, they make access to it.... I'm sure Auntie Priss's husband wears on her nerves....and I know damn well Auntie Priss wears on his nerves. But they got the passion. The passion baby. Way underrated here... Jaded? Nah, I don't think so. I think it's possible men in your past lacked passion, therby giving you a false sense of something that likely didn't exist in the first place. It's worth the headache because it's passion that will allow you to exist with a man in marriage when he wears on your nerves.... By the way, I'm not tired of being married. |
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Post by Noble Work on Jul 28, 2009 17:03:05 GMT -5
To me "tired of being married" mean a lot of things. For one it means tired of the responsibility that marriage carries. It takes time, patients, nurturing, and submissive. Do we get tired of that? Of course we do because we have to work at it constantly. But marriage is also beautiful and fun. I get tired just like other married men, but when I do get like that I remember that first kiss we shared. Or the time she forgave me for going off for no reason. I think of how beautiful she was in her wedding gown. I look at my children to see how beautiful they are and the features they share with my wife. And yes the times she called me on my crap and I couldn't say nothing cause she was right. And she loved me through every word she spoke while she did it.
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Post by No Screen Name on Jul 28, 2009 17:57:20 GMT -5
I happen to agree with Priss about the passion. Every time I "fall in love" now, I'm always like, "ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH! I need to shake this shyt ASAP!"  And I can't WAIT for the feelings to pass. It just clouds up your mind, and I'm in search of clarity, not a rush of endorphins. Anyway, this post is interesting. I've had this on my mind a lot lately. As I said in another post, I fell head over heels for my ex, and he's a GOOD man. But the "passion" wore off at about year three, and I lost interest (there's a little bit more to the story, but that's it in a nutshell). I THOUGHT I couldn't see myself with any other man, but everything changed. I often think, "What if we had married? What would be going on now? How would I feel?" Being the person that I am, I am certain I wouldn't throw in the towel, but I'd make a big effort, and seek counseling. But since we're NOT married, I'm not doing all of that. Priss--one more thing--when Wiccans take their wedding vows, they say "As Long As Love Lasts"--meaning when the love dies, roll on out.  |
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 28, 2009 18:36:39 GMT -5
To me "tired of being married" mean a lot of things. For one it means tired of the responsibility that marriage carries. It takes time, patients, nurturing, and submissive. Do we get tired of that? Of course we do because we have to work at it constantly. But marriage is also beautiful and fun. I get tired just like other married men, but when I do get like that I remember that first kiss we shared. Or the time she forgave me for going off for no reason. I think of how beautiful she was in her wedding gown. I look at my children to see how beautiful they are and the features they share with my wife. And yes the times she called me on my crap and I couldn't say nothing cause she was right. And she loved me through every word she spoke while she did it. EXALT. *discreetly wipes e-tears from eyes and exits thread* |
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 28, 2009 21:30:21 GMT -5
I happen to agree with Priss about the passion. Every time I "fall in love" now, I'm always like, "ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH! I need to shake this shyt ASAP!" And I can't WAIT for the feelings to pass. It just clouds up your mind, and I'm in search of clarity, not a rush of endorphins. Anyway, this post is interesting. I've had this on my mind a lot lately. As I said in another post, I fell head over heels for my ex, and he's a GOOD man. But the "passion" wore off at about year three, and I lost interest (there's a little bit more to the story, but that's it in a nutshell). I THOUGHT I couldn't see myself with any other man, but everything changed. I often think, "What if we had married? What would be going on now? How would I feel?" Being the person that I am, I am certain I wouldn't throw in the towel, but I'd make a big effort, and seek counseling. But since we're NOT married, I'm not doing all of that. Priss--one more thing--when Wiccans take their wedding vows, they say "As Long As Love Lasts"--meaning when the love dies, roll on out. that's what i mean by passion that "fresh new...omg...i love him...butterfly effect" nonsense. that i can do without b/c its not real to me, it just isnt. id rather have a reliable car than a clunker with a new car smell. everyone loves the new car smell, but after it wears off you start thinking about buying a new car... |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jul 28, 2009 21:54:06 GMT -5
I happen to agree with Priss about the passion. Every time I "fall in love" now, I'm always like, "ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH! I need to shake this shyt ASAP!" And I can't WAIT for the feelings to pass. It just clouds up your mind, and I'm in search of clarity, not a rush of endorphins. Anyway, this post is interesting. I've had this on my mind a lot lately. As I said in another post, I fell head over heels for my ex, and he's a GOOD man. But the "passion" wore off at about year three, and I lost interest (there's a little bit more to the story, but that's it in a nutshell). I THOUGHT I couldn't see myself with any other man, but everything changed. I often think, "What if we had married? What would be going on now? How would I feel?" Being the person that I am, I am certain I wouldn't throw in the towel, but I'd make a big effort, and seek counseling. But since we're NOT married, I'm not doing all of that. Priss--one more thing--when Wiccans take their wedding vows, they say "As Long As Love Lasts"--meaning when the love dies, roll on out. that's what i mean by passion that "fresh new...omg...i love him...butterfly effect" nonsense. that i can do without b/c its not real to me, it just isnt. id rather have a reliable car than a clunker with a new car smell. everyone loves the new car smell, but after it wears off you start thinking about buying a new car...
@ Z and Priss
The irony is I'm the exact opposite of y'all. I can't seem to get the head over heels butterfly effect... I get everything else but that. I think my "love" button is broken. |
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Post by Prissy New Year!!! on Jul 29, 2009 8:01:06 GMT -5
True but theoretically (although maybe Im just naive about the truths of our microwave society), shouldnt you all have been together long enough to have been through some stuff together? Like Ive said, I dont want passion. I dont want to be blinded by love. Call me jaded but I dont want it at all bc its a false promise that nobody can keep. Give me someone who shares my core values, I can tolerate, wont get on my nerves, who is dependable, honest, trustworthy and Im attracted to, at least moderately. Keep the passion...its not even worth the headache that is sure to come as soon as it wears off. Core values? Listen, I share core values with lots of people, including you Priss, and we're not married. But fair enough, core values *check*.... Tolerate? You need LOTS of tolerance. Nerves? Your husband will STAY on your nerves all the while he stays dependable, honest, trustworthy and attractive. But fair enough. *check, check, check and check* But keep the passion? The passion is a roller coaster. The passion is kinda part of the equation, the foundation. It comes and goes, but you need it... The reason Auntie Priss and her husband can rip their clothes off after so many years of marriage (now I have a very bad image of a gray-haired woman ripping her clothes off!) and the problems that go along with marriage is because they have passion...even if it's tucked away, they make access to it.... I'm sure Auntie Priss's husband wears on her nerves....and I know damn well Auntie Priss wears on his nerves. But they got the passion. The passion baby. Way underrated here... Jaded? Nah, I don't think so. I think it's possible men in your past lacked passion, therby giving you a false sense of something that likely didn't exist in the first place. It's worth the headache because it's passion that will allow you to exist with a man in marriage when he wears on your nerves.... By the way, I'm not tired of being married. At the highlighted....this gray haired woman still manages to make "Big Daddy's" nature rise....  Seriously though, I get what you are saying and I also understand what Priss is saying. It is funny because just a few weeks ago I was reminiscing on how I felt when our love was fresh and new. It is a different feeling, where everything they do is cute and you get the butterflies and the excitement of just being around them. I was kind of missing that, a little bit. My husband and I still have outbursts of passion, but it is not that love is still new kind of passion that I think Priss is talking about. What we have is different. I still get butterflies at times, mainly because I think my husband is very sexy. He is tall, chocolate, bald and he works out a lot so he is really wel built--he also has this kind of swagger when he walks. Very sexy! But we have a kind of settled love. I know him for all of his faults and flaws, he gets on my nerves (a lot), but I can laugh it off now. He has some insecurities that would have turned me off if I had discovered them on like the 3rd date. But after 17 years, I understand him and our love is deep, but not exciting. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Jul 29, 2009 8:51:53 GMT -5
Nice analogy.
@ Z and Priss
The irony is I'm the exact opposite of y'all. I can't seem to get the head over heels butterfly effect... I get everything else but that. I think my "love" button is broken. Aww. No love button? That made me kinda sad  |
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 29, 2009 9:14:04 GMT -5
that's what i mean by passion that "fresh new...omg...i love him...butterfly effect" nonsense. that i can do without b/c its not real to me, it just isnt. id rather have a reliable car than a clunker with a new car smell. everyone loves the new car smell, but after it wears off you start thinking about buying a new car...
@ Z and Priss
The irony is I'm the exact opposite of y'all. I can't seem to get the head over heels butterfly effect... I get everything else but that. I think my "love" button is broken.Lack thereof makes it easier to think clearly and act rationally. Mine is not broken but presently, its stuck...and Im in no rush to fix it. A certain person I can hear his name or see his picture and those feelings come, I'd gauge my eyes out and lop off an ear before I allow it to get out of hand.... Count yourself lucky...seriously. |
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 29, 2009 9:17:09 GMT -5
Core values? Listen, I share core values with lots of people, including you Priss, and we're not married. But fair enough, core values *check*.... Tolerate? You need LOTS of tolerance. Nerves? Your husband will STAY on your nerves all the while he stays dependable, honest, trustworthy and attractive. But fair enough. *check, check, check and check* But keep the passion? The passion is a roller coaster. The passion is kinda part of the equation, the foundation. It comes and goes, but you need it... The reason Auntie Priss and her husband can rip their clothes off after so many years of marriage (now I have a very bad image of a gray-haired woman ripping her clothes off!) and the problems that go along with marriage is because they have passion...even if it's tucked away, they make access to it.... I'm sure Auntie Priss's husband wears on her nerves....and I know damn well Auntie Priss wears on his nerves. But they got the passion. The passion baby. Way underrated here... Jaded? Nah, I don't think so. I think it's possible men in your past lacked passion, therby giving you a false sense of something that likely didn't exist in the first place. It's worth the headache because it's passion that will allow you to exist with a man in marriage when he wears on your nerves.... By the way, I'm not tired of being married. At the highlighted....this gray haired woman still manages to make "Big Daddy's" nature rise.... Seriously though, I get what you are saying and I also understand what Priss is saying. It is funny because just a few weeks ago I was reminiscing on how I felt when our love was fresh and new. It is a different feeling, where everything they do is cute and you get the butterflies and the excitement of just being around them. I was kind of missing that, a little bit. My husband and I still have outbursts of passion, but it is not that love is still new kind of passion that I think Priss is talking about. What we have is different. I still get butterflies at times, mainly because I think my husband is very sexy. He is tall, chocolate, bald and he works out a lot so he is really wel built--he also has this kind of swagger when he walks. Very sexy! But we have a kind of settled love. I know him for all of his faults and flaws, he gets on my nerves (a lot), but I can laugh it off now. He has some insecurities that would have turned me off if I had discovered them on like the 3rd date. But after 17 years, I understand him and our love is deep, but not exciting. That's exactly what Im talking about...I'd rather skip the new stuff and go right to being settled and comfortable and in love...the fresh brand new "love" is nothing but smoke and mirrors if you ask me. |
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Post by Cambist on Jul 29, 2009 9:28:17 GMT -5
The Reason for the Thread:
As many of you know, for some reason, people like and feel comfortable to me. It's a blessing and a curse. Lately (the past 3-4 years) i've noticed more and more of my peers divorcing for no appearant reason. This thread was made to complement the article so many labled as "obvious"....it spoke about how the chance of divorce goes up if several factors are true (married before 25, child or co-habitating before marriage, etc....)
So, what i'm getting at is kinda what EPUN said.....maturity has a lot to do with this marriage game. I'm not saying that a 24 year old CAN'T make a mature decision. It's done all the time.
What I am saying is that there is no cosmic bond that somehow materializes once we say "I Do".
While "I'm tired of being married" is not a good excuse, it's usually not THE reason. There are underlying reasons, the most common is that the two have outgrown each other....period. Especially those who married young.
I just wanted to get you guys opinions and thoughts to see if my reasoning was out of touch.
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 29, 2009 10:22:48 GMT -5
The Reason for the Thread: As many of you know, for some reason, people like and feel comfortable to me. It's a blessing and a curse. Lately (the past 3-4 years) i've noticed more and more of my peers divorcing for no appearant reason. This thread was made to complement the article so many labled as "obvious"....it spoke about how the chance of divorce goes up if several factors are true (married before 25, child or co-habitating before marriage, etc....) So, what i'm getting at is kinda what EPUN said.....maturity has a lot to do with this marriage game. I'm not saying that a 24 year old CAN'T make a mature decision. It's done all the time. What I am saying is that there is no cosmic bond that somehow materializes once we say "I Do". While "I'm tired of being married" is not a good excuse, it's usually not THE reason. There are underlying reasons, the most common is that the two have outgrown each other....period. Especially those who married young. I just wanted to get you guys opinions and thoughts to see if my reasoning was out of touch. I see what you're saying Cam. My oldest brother once warned me not to get married too early (like right out of college). He told me that the person I am at 22/23 is not the person I'll be at 25 or 30. I think he's a little extreme, seeming as he says he won't get married before 35/40. (He's almost 31 now.) But, what he said always stuck with me and I can totally see what he meant now. He told me this randomly over the phone when I was a Junior in college. I have a fear of outgrowing or being outgrown. The person I am now at almost age 26 knows a lot more about life than the person I was at 21. I still won't place an age on marriage. But I will say, at least wait until after those college years. Be in the real world for a bit. That would be my advice. But that doesn't mean that there aren't 21 and 22 year olds out there mature enough to make the right decision and enter a union that will last forever. Those people are just few and far between. That's reality. |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Jul 29, 2009 10:37:31 GMT -5
I met a lady this weekend that was in a similar situation. They got married very early, around 21 I think, and after a few years they got divorced. She said he was a great guy and she loved him but she felt like she had to go and live her life now. They are still good friends but she said that if she were to be married she would marry someone just like him but not him.
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Post by Noble Work on Jul 29, 2009 11:24:13 GMT -5
I am in constant awe at some of the excuses for divorce nowadays. Most of our grandparents were married at an early age (most times in there late teens or early twenties), and some are still married to this day or were married (till death departed them) some 40, 50, 60 years later. To me the age of the couple isn't a factor. Sometimes I think the institute of a marriage is being chipped away or watered down as the generations go.
Yes they had it rough, and hell no it wasn't/isn't easy.....but I think if you love LOVE we'd be better off. I'd be telling a lie and crazy to say that marriage should ALWAYS be bliss, fun and exciting. In reality, it isn't. But do I give up? NO. Finding excuses NOT to be married?...I think not. (and finding them is REALLY easy) which is my point. I think the divorce rate is so high is because a lot of couples FIND reasons NOT to be married.
One of the key ingredients in upholding the institute of marriage is you have to love, Love. You have to love being in love. You have to love loving your spouse. You have to love giving/receiving Love. If you are always chasing Love, you will not look behind you and Find a reason to give up on marriage.
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Post by Bunny Hop on Jul 29, 2009 11:30:22 GMT -5
I don't think marriage back then is the same as marriage now...different times, different issues and different people.
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Post by Cambist on Jul 29, 2009 11:32:34 GMT -5
I don't think marriage back then is the same as marriage now...different times, different issues and different people. While I agree with Work's general premise of "sticking with it", Bun is right....times have changed. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jul 29, 2009 11:57:09 GMT -5
I don't think marriage back then is the same as marriage now...different times, different issues and different people. While I agree with Work's general premise of "sticking with it", Bun is right....times have changed.
I think in generations past we were (by necessity or circumstance) forced to be more mature and more committed than today's counterparts.
I don't think there was any less incentive to cheat, be violent, be detached, or what have you back in the day... but as generations have gone on, there has just been less impetus, and less constraints on us that require us to be mature and committed. |
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 29, 2009 12:02:55 GMT -5
The Reason for the Thread: As many of you know, for some reason, people like and feel comfortable to me. It's a blessing and a curse. Lately (the past 3-4 years) i've noticed more and more of my peers divorcing for no appearant reason. This thread was made to complement the article so many labled as "obvious"....it spoke about how the chance of divorce goes up if several factors are true (married before 25, child or co-habitating before marriage, etc....) So, what i'm getting at is kinda what EPUN said.....maturity has a lot to do with this marriage game. I'm not saying that a 24 year old CAN'T make a mature decision. It's done all the time. What I am saying is that there is no cosmic bond that somehow materializes once we say "I Do". While "I'm tired of being married" is not a good excuse, it's usually not THE reason. There are underlying reasons, the most common is that the two have outgrown each other....period. Especially those who married young. I just wanted to get you guys opinions and thoughts to see if my reasoning was out of touch. I DEFINITELY agree with you wholeheartedly. At 24 you dont know who you are....even though people thing they do. I feel like you need more life experience and personal development. before trying ot pair with someone else. My bf from 19-24 is a great guy. We just grew apart. He was preparing to propose, my big mouth friends told me, and I broke it off. Everyone thought I was foul because there was no real REASON other than, "I wasnt feeling it". It was one of th ebest decisions Ive ever made. He's now engaged to a great girl and he and I wouldve been comfortable, no doubt, he wouldve cared for me, for sure....but I would be miserable bc Im not the person who he fell in love with. Kudos Cam...I can dig it! |
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 29, 2009 12:05:13 GMT -5
While I agree with Work's general premise of "sticking with it", Bun is right....times have changed.
I think in generations past we were (by necessity or circumstance) forced to be more mature and more committed than today's counterparts.
I don't think there was any less incentive to cheat, be violent, be detached, or what have you back in the day... but as generations have gone on, there has just been less impetus, and less constraints on us that require us to be mature and committed.I agree with Dame....its the people who have changed and strayed from what used to be important (at least on the face of it all). I think there are still some old fashioned folk who believe in the instititution as it was...*raises hand*...people have to choose to stick to their morals rather than being swayed by the times. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jul 29, 2009 12:16:56 GMT -5
It's not just that times have changed (they have) but people have changed.
I think in generations past we were (by necessity or circumstance) forced to be more mature and more committed than today's counterparts.
I don't think there was any less incentive to cheat, be violent, be detached, or what have you back in the day... but as generations have gone on, there has just been less impetus, and less constraints on us that require us to be mature and committed. I agree with Dame....its the people who have changed and strayed from what used to be important (at least on the face of it all). I think there are still some old fashioned folk who believe in the instititution as it was...*raises hand*...people have to choose to stick to their morals rather than being swayed by the times.
Part of what's changing the people? The b!tchifying of dudes, and the n!ggafying of women. As much as we complain about gender roles and gender behavior, it's what we accept, want, and look for.
Dudes say they want a woman that's independent, but really what they mean is a woman independent if he's not around. He doesn't want a completely independent woman - he wants to feel useful and needed. N!ggas need to stop lyin and be honest about that.
Women say they want a dude whose open and communicative and I'm sorry to tell you, they don't come off the assembly line built that way. And truthfully if you got a dude that was emoting all the time crying and carrying on instead of being strong you won't respect him for it.
I'm sure there are some cases where, where the man acts more in the traditional feminine sense, and the woman acts more in the masculine sense, and it works for them. And if it does more power to them, but if we're honest with ourselves - this neo-gender bending relationship stuff only sounds good on paper - it's not a prescription to happiness, and when push comes to shove, most of us DON'T want it.
At least that's my theory (it certainly applies to me) |
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Post by 123Diva on Jul 29, 2009 12:25:35 GMT -5
I agree with Dame....its the people who have changed and strayed from what used to be important (at least on the face of it all). I think there are still some old fashioned folk who believe in the instititution as it was...*raises hand*...people have to choose to stick to their morals rather than being swayed by the times.
Part of what's changing the people? The b!tchifying of dudes, and the n!ggafying of women. As much as we complain about gender roles and gender behavior, it's what we accept, want, and look for.
Dudes say they want a woman that's independent, but really what they mean is a woman independent if he's not around. He doesn't want a completely independent woman - he wants to feel useful and needed. N!ggas need to stop lyin and be honest about that.
Women say they want a dude whose open and communicative and I'm sorry to tell you, they don't come off the assembly line built that way. And truthfully if you got a dude that was emoting all the time crying and carrying on instead of being strong you won't respect him for it.
I'm sure there are some cases where, where the man acts more in the traditional feminine sense, and the woman acts more in the masculine sense, and it works for them. And if it does more power to them, but if we're honest with ourselves - this neo-gender bending relationship stuff only sounds good on paper - it's not a prescription to happiness, and when push comes to shove, most of us DON'T want it.
At least that's my theory (it certainly applies to me)Exalt. |
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Post by Cambist on Jul 29, 2009 12:29:06 GMT -5
There are problems with "the institution as it was".....in many circles, women had limited options. There was a social stigma to divorce...sometimes greater than that of adultry.
Also, women's options (on a large scale) were limited in terms of career options. Even the law treated an abused woman as just a complainer.
So now, in this liberated day, we have to look at how options and choices have affected marriage.
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 29, 2009 12:34:17 GMT -5
There are problems with "the institution as it was".....in many circles, women had limited options. There was a social stigma to divorce...sometimes greater than that of adultry. Also, women's options (on a large scale) were limited in terms of career options. Even the law treated an abused woman as just a complainer. So now, in this liberated day, we have to look at how options and choices have affected marriage. I agree but I think your core foundation is your core foundation. If its rock solid, I dont think it matters whether its 1950 or 2050. I truly believe in being equally yoked. If I believe X, and you believe X...it doesnt matter what the world thinks or believes. For example: I believe a man should be the head of his household and a wife is submissive to her husband. Period. I know many, if not most, women do not subscribe by that mode of thinking today. But that is MY core belief and it needs to be my husband's as well. So my husband can make less than me, work at home, do whatever....I can be sitting on top of the world....bottom line: At home, he is King, regardless of what society "thinks" or believes the role of a woman should or shouldnt be. True enough, there are plenty of men who say they believe that but dont really...and I'll be single until Im found by one who believes that...If we keep the world out of our homes, maybe marriages would be more successful. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Jul 29, 2009 12:36:06 GMT -5
There are problems with "the institution as it was".....in many circles, women had limited options. There was a social stigma to divorce...sometimes greater than that of adultry. Also, women's options (on a large scale) were limited in terms of career options. Even the law treated an abused woman as just a complainer. So now, in this liberated day, we have to look at how options and choices have affected marriage. I agree but I think your core foundation is your core foundation. If its rock solid, I dont think it matters whether its 1950 or 2050. I truly believe in being equally yoked. If I believe X, and you believe X...it doesnt matter what the world thinks or believes. For example: I believe a man should be the head of his household and a wife is submissive to her husband. Period. I know many, if not most, women do not subscribe by that mode of thinking today. But that is MY core belief and it needs to be my husband's as well. So my husband can make less than me, work at home, do whatever....I can be sitting on top of the world....bottom line: At home, he is King, regardless of what society "thinks" or believes the role of a woman should or shouldnt be. True enough, there are plenty of men who say they believe that but dont really...and I'll be single until Im found by one who believes that... If we keep the world out of our homes, maybe marriages would be more successful. |
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Post by Warner Fite on Jul 29, 2009 12:47:41 GMT -5
Damie.....wow! Thank You!
I beleive that love and passion isn't smoke and mirrors. It can't be, not real love and passion. Like Priss said, if we can keep the world out of our homes, we could have more succesful marriages.
Love songs are replaced by songs that actually encourage infidelity. TV shows that glamourize cheating and a culture that that has no clue about accountability and responsibility, rather celebrate the lack thereof.
Huey summed it best regarding this culture's approach to the institution of marriage and relationships:
"I think marriage is antiquated".
I almost lost my sense of sight when I first read that statment. But why am I surprised? I have no clue because it's not like our generation or likely the generation before mine serves a some societal role model. Most guys these days "holla" at women instead of courting women....
Passion and Love are not smoke and mirrors. The bullshyt that we buy into are the smoke and mirrors.
They don't grow men like they used to.
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Post by Warner Fite on Jul 29, 2009 12:53:26 GMT -5
I agree with Dame....its the people who have changed and strayed from what used to be important (at least on the face of it all). I think there are still some old fashioned folk who believe in the instititution as it was...*raises hand*...people have to choose to stick to their morals rather than being swayed by the times.
Part of what's changing the people? The b!tchifying of dudes, and the n!ggafying of women. As much as we complain about gender roles and gender behavior, it's what we accept, want, and look for.
Dudes say they want a woman that's independent, but really what they mean is a woman independent if he's not around. He doesn't want a completely independent woman - he wants to feel useful and needed. N!ggas need to stop lyin and be honest about that.
Women say they want a dude whose open and communicative and I'm sorry to tell you, they don't come off the assembly line built that way. And truthfully if you got a dude that was emoting all the time crying and carrying on instead of being strong you won't respect him for it.
I'm sure there are some cases where, where the man acts more in the traditional feminine sense, and the woman acts more in the masculine sense, and it works for them. And if it does more power to them, but if we're honest with ourselves - this neo-gender bending relationship stuff only sounds good on paper - it's not a prescription to happiness, and when push comes to shove, most of us DON'T want it.
At least that's my theory (it certainly applies to me)This some real SHYT right here.... Damie, no lie.....I was fired up after reading that bruh. This is some troof for that azz. |
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Post by THE emPRISS on Jul 29, 2009 12:58:11 GMT -5
I agree with Dame....its the people who have changed and strayed from what used to be important (at least on the face of it all). I think there are still some old fashioned folk who believe in the instititution as it was...*raises hand*...people have to choose to stick to their morals rather than being swayed by the times.
Part of what's changing the people? The b!tchifying of dudes, and the n!ggafying of women. As much as we complain about gender roles and gender behavior, it's what we accept, want, and look for.
Dudes say they want a woman that's independent, but really what they mean is a woman independent if he's not around. He doesn't want a completely independent woman - he wants to feel useful and needed. N!ggas need to stop lyin and be honest about that.
Women say they want a dude whose open and communicative and I'm sorry to tell you, they don't come off the assembly line built that way. And truthfully if you got a dude that was emoting all the time crying and carrying on instead of being strong you won't respect him for it.
I'm sure there are some cases where, where the man acts more in the traditional feminine sense, and the woman acts more in the masculine sense, and it works for them. And if it does more power to them, but if we're honest with ourselves - this neo-gender bending relationship stuff only sounds good on paper - it's not a prescription to happiness, and when push comes to shove, most of us DON'T want it.
At least that's my theory (it certainly applies to me)*flicked my BiC and waving it in the air* |
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Post by T-Rex91 on Jul 29, 2009 13:03:19 GMT -5
*Tosses in hand grenade to rile up Feminists*
Part of what's changing the people? The b!tchifying of dudes, and the n!ggafying of women. As much as we complain about gender roles and gender behavior, it's what we accept, want, and look for.
Dudes say they want a woman that's independent, but really what they mean is a woman independent if he's not around. He doesn't want a completely independent woman - he wants to feel useful and needed. N!ggas need to stop lyin and be honest about that.
Women say they want a dude whose open and communicative and I'm sorry to tell you, they don't come off the assembly line built that way. And truthfully if you got a dude that was emoting all the time crying and carrying on instead of being strong you won't respect him for it.
I'm sure there are some cases where, where the man acts more in the traditional feminine sense, and the woman acts more in the masculine sense, and it works for them. And if it does more power to them, but if we're honest with ourselves - this neo-gender bending relationship stuff only sounds good on paper - it's not a prescription to happiness, and when push comes to shove, most of us DON'T want it.
At least that's my theory (it certainly applies to me) *flicked my BiC and waving it in the air* Flicked your BiC?  ?? damn, that's old school FA REAL Priss! You know the kids use cell phones now a days! LOL!!!! |
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And I can't WAIT for the feelings to pass. It just clouds up your mind, and I'm in search of clarity, not a rush of endorphins.
?? damn, that's old school FA REAL Priss! You know the kids use cell phones now a days! LOL!!!!