He's Not Heavy - the 91/Damie edition

[ReignMan19]

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BOOOOOOOOOOOP
















>-----<--O

@ this entire thread.....

[DamieQue™]

*p*
I was just about to say... I know this dude didn't go into the general section and ask for something fun to entertain him. Did he even SEE my posts? LOL.
*p*

[ReignMan19]

This thread was all I could have hoped and dreamed for...

[DamieQue™]

*p*
I'm doing my part Reign. Everyone else is failing you. Look around. Have they entertained you at all?

Have they put forth an honest effort?

No.

And I shall be smote for this shortly I promise you. LOL
*p*

[Julie Art]

But Damie, the crimpmunk though? You want me to vomit from laughing so hard again, don't you! ROTFL!

[DamieQue™]

May 5, 2010 13:06:08 GMT -5 Julie Art said:

But Damie, the crimpmunk though? You want me to vomit from laughing so hard again, don't you! ROTFL!

Ah so I see you noticed the blue background too eh?



Oh by the way... Crimpmunk told me he knows what you did...

...I'm just saying. ;D

[Julie Art]

May 5, 2010 13:15:02 GMT -5 DamieQue™ said:

May 5, 2010 13:06:08 GMT -5 Julie Art said:

But Damie, the crimpmunk though? You want me to vomit from laughing so hard again, don't you! ROTFL!

Ah so I see you noticed the blue background too eh?



Oh by the way... Crimpmunk told me he knows what you did...

...I'm just saying. ;D

Stop, stop, STOP! ROTFL!

[T-Rex91]

91: Kidnap Juicy and the e-kids?? That suit really IS to tight. The lack of oxygen has killed some brain cells. We can't....

Damie: We can

91: You've lost it. We need to figure out how to save 94.

Damie: No what we need to do is 1) relieve the swelling my extremities by getting me out of this extra smedium catsuit, 2) get me bucket of chicken and a large Simply anything, and 3) you just go ahead and agree to help me with this plan. My kids need me.

91: Your kids don't even know you!!!!!!!! Besides, you saw that pic I showed you. Phire is clearly interested in Juicy for some reason. He sprung us. Do you think crossing him is a good idea??

Damie: Look, I rode with you when you needed me. The least you can do is return the favor. *Rips off top part of suit and points at scars* YOU OWE ME DAMMIT!!!!!

91: *sighs* OK fine. 94 first and then Juicy and the e-kids. Since everyone still thinks we're dead, that helps but I know someone else who can assist us. Lemme make a call. *picks up cell and dials a number but walks away as it connects so Damie can't hear who she's talking to. Comes back and says* OK, we're set. But what exactly are we going to do with her?

[ReignMan19]

the chipmunk isn't as funny as 91 standing there in a Wonder Woman uniform and catching feelings because you brought it to her attention.... Oh Jesus..

[DamieQue™]

Damie: No, not Juicy... just the e-kids... and then just my e-kids
91: Ok but why?
Damie: Because they're MY e-kids... no way she's gonna grant joint e-custody after all that's happened... I'm going to have to kidnap them... it's the only way

*Goes to kitchen to get knife to cut off rest of body suit*

Damie: By the way, make sure you get a full bucket of original KFC. Not none of that fake me out extra crispy ish. Original.

[T-Rex91]

*p*
Ninja, you said the e-kids AND Juicy. Don't be trying to make me seem crazy!
*p*

[T-Rex91]

*Damie brings the knife back into the living room and starts to hand it to 91 but then reconsiders*

91: FA REAL? It's gonna be like that now? One lil stabbing you don't even remember and now you acting all funny. Man bump you! *Calls concierge and orders Filet for herself and a legs and thigh bucket from Church's for Damie*

[DamieQue™]

May 5, 2010 13:26:28 GMT -5 T-Rex91 said:

*p*
Ninja, you said the e-kids AND Juicy. Don't be trying to make me seem crazy!
*p*

*p*
I guess I left out the apostrophy. But yeah. Just my e-kids by Juicy. No need to kidnap the rest of them. Eager and Pika are out of town. You're not crazy... you just can't read good. LOL
*p*

[T-Rex91]

*p*

May 5, 2010 11:17:21 GMT -5 DamieQue™ said:

91: Help with doing what?


Damie:
Kidnapping Juicy and My e-kids!!!!

You were saying???
*p*

[DamieQue™]

May 5, 2010 13:41:04 GMT -5 T-Rex91 said:

*p*

May 5, 2010 11:17:21 GMT -5 DamieQue™ said:

91: Help with doing what?


Damie:
Kidnapping Juicy and My e-kids!!!!

You were saying???
*p*

*p*
Yeah... I left off the apostrophy and the s... I meant her and my e-kids, meaning the e-kids we have in common... not her along with the kids. And you still can't read good. LOL
*p*

[T-Rex91]

*p*
Ok Zoolander!!!
*p*

91: OK Damie, everything's set. I know where the kids will be tomorrow. We can get them if that's what you want. But what the hayle do you plan to do with THREE kids (don't forget 1/2 of the twins)? We're e-dead and hiding out. We're probably being watched. I don't think you've thought this through. Do you even know what babies eat? *Damie holds a chicken leg in the air with a quizzical look on his face* No! We're not set up for kids here and besides, would you even kow which kids to snatch?

[Julie Art]

iDIED!

[Kyng of JDs]

*standing applause for 91 and damie*

your performances are epic!!

[Chal™]

91: OK Damie, everything's set. I know where the kids will be tomorrow. We can get them if that's what you want. But what the hayle do you plan to do with THREE kids (don't forget 1/2 of the twins)? We're e-dead and hiding out. We're probably being watched. I don't think you've thought this through. Do you even know what babies eat? *Damie holds a chicken leg in the air with a quizzical look on his face* No! We're not set up for kids here and besides, would you even kow which kids to snatch?

Damie: What do you mean do I know....

91: Shhh

Damie: Don't you shush me. I'm getting tired of you acting like you run....

91: Damie, shut up!!!! Something isn't quite right.

Damie: What's not right?

91: *rolls eyes* If I knew I wouldn't have told you to shut up. I've got this feeling. *looks around the room*

Damie: *mutters* i've got a feeling your headband is on too tight.

91: What?

Damie: Nothing.

91: Just be quiet for a minute. *looks around cautiously* Who's there? Show yourself!!!



An amused chuckle comes from the corner followed by a cloud of smoke.



91: What are YOU doing here?

Chal: Still playing dress up, huh, 91?

91: I ASKED you a question!!!!



Chal: Is she for real?

Damie: *laughs* I'm afraid so.

Chal: *takes drumstick from Damie and smells it* fuq is this? *tosses drumstick* Here.



Chal: I don't know why you let her get away with treating you like that.

Damie: *grabs the bucket of chicken* Where's my juice? Why i can't get everything i ask for? damn.

91: Chal, for the last time, why are you here?

Chal: Is that how you greet the person who got you out of e-prison?

91: Phyre got us out.

Chal: No, Phyre got you arrested. He spotted you in Cabo and had you picked up. When you left the jail there, they weren't freeing you. They just told you that so you'd come peacefully.

91: How do you know all this?

Chal: I've had men on you ever since the fire. First, let me say yall nasty. Dude, that's your SISTER!!!

Damie: What? I didn't know!!!!

Chal: But she did. 91, that's NASTY!!!

91: Don't Judge Me!! Get on with the story.

Chal: Anyway, I had man on the inside of the prison. He intercepted some emails and faxes and let me know what was going on. That's how I found out about Phyre.

Damie: So he really isn't dead?

Chal: No. That ninja's very much alive and he has a vendetta against Hazerville. No one knows his MO, but he's definitely up to something. He's not wasting any time either.

91: Why should we trust you?

Chal: You shouldn't, but I'm your best hope right now.

91: Why is that?

Chal: Because I know where he's keeping your daughter.

[Julie Art]

dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

[DamieQue™]

Damie thinks "yeah sure you do": Ummm Chal can you excuse us for a moment?
Chal: Excuse you?
Damie: yes... like go away a second so we can talk
Chal: And where am I supposed to go?
Damie: Just step back through whatever extra-dimensional space-time portal that you used to get here
Chal: Damie really... I drove ok
Damie: yeah sure you did... Star Trek Enteprise D probably...
Chal: ok what is your problem?
Damie: Nothing... can you just step outside?
Chal: What do you all need to discuss that I can't hear
Damie: If you were allowed to HEAR it I wouldn't be asking you to - can you just step outside for just a sec
*Chal rolls eyes as she begrudginly walks out*: Kinda bull ish is this... I got you out of e-prison... fake a$$ Green Latern...
Damie: Yeah thanks *waits for a visibly upset Chal to exit then closes the door behind her*



91: Damie what are you - ?



*Damie holds finger to lip telling 91 to shush and scribbles on paper in notebook:*
I don't trust Chal. Up to something.
*91 starts to respond back verbally and Damie shushes her again and points to pad and paper*
House probably bugged. Write what you have to say
Don't trust her either but no choice. Must find daughter
Risk too great. Need to know her angle first
She'll suspect
Already suspects. Must know 1st. Whatever angle is, it's keeping us alive
agreed - must know - what now?

*Flips to next page in notebook and continues writing*

play along
she'll want to know what we discussed
if she presses say "personal matter" - she'll assume e-incest
what about her proposal
must wait - my kids first then yours
No!!!
It's only way - need to buy time - will get daughter may need Chal's protection after
PROMISE ME!!!
Promise
*91 reads and sighs but agrees*

*Rips sheet from notebook and puts edge of it on stove to set it on fire. Let's it burn to a crisp in sink. When totally blackened Damie opens door and let's chal back in*

Damie acknowleding Chal: Chal
Chal: Teal Latern
Damie: It's GREEN latern - Green
Chal: Yeah whatever Aqua Marine Latern
91 interrupting before Damie can respond: Chal, we are willing to work with you
Chal: Yeah I thought you might
91: Just need to get some things in order first
Chal: That's fine, we'll talk details soon enough... I'll be in contact
Damie: How do we reach you
Chal: I said... I'll be in contact Beige Lantern
Damie: You think I'm afraid of your overhand right? Niccuh I'll
OOMF!!!
*Chal punches Damie in the stomach with a left - but Damie remains standing*
Damie: Is that all you got?
Chal: I'm impressed *nods head* most people don't stand up to that. Kudos for you. *looking at 91* I'll be seeing you guys real soon. *Smirks at Damie one more time as she leaves. Damie continues looking at Chal defiantly as she leaves and wait till door closes*















91: You ok?
Damie: She hit me when I wasn't ready yo
91: Are you alright?
Damie: Let me go see if there's blood in my pee
*91 stifles a chuckle*

*Returns from bathroom after flushing toilet*

91: Did you wash your hands?

*Returns to bathroom and washes e-hands and then returns*

91: Just nasty
Damie: Shut up... I was in pain
91: Well are you ok now?
Damie: Yeah... what's up with this super suit? What's super about it if it doesn't protect me?
91: We'll get another one... what's the plan
Damie: I'm going to get on google and research what we need to know, to do what we got to do...
*hops on computer and googles Julie Art.com and reads for a while*

Damie: Ah ha... that there is probably the opening we need right there. *Remembers that the house might be e-bugged so he Writes down the new plan and hands it to 91. She reads it and nods head approvingly*
91: When?
Damie: Immediately.

[Julie Art]

*P*

Julie Art.com? LMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

waiting to make my entrance, and a grand one it will be!

*p*

[DamieQue™]

*It's the night of the premiere. Juicy hasn't been making many e-films with all the drama going on in her life, but she did have time to do a cameo in a new upcoming movie, and felt she should support it by showing up and walking the red carpet. Damie strikes now.*

Damie: It's time 91


91: I'm ready


*They pile into the car and drive to Juicy's last known location parking several miles away to avoid detection. They slip past the fence and disable the video cameras. Not seeing any other security devices they proceed to the house. Damie opens a door and creeps up to the bedroom.*

Damie: There... there they are... you grab that one and get your chloroform on, I'll take care of the rest
91: But Da -
Damie: Shut up... don't say my name in here... just do it
*91 scowls at Damie but grabs e-child and dutifully covers mouth with chloroform rag. Child fights initially by succumbs to gas. Damie does the same with the other e-child.*
Damie: Now let's go. We have a long hike back to
91: Hey... what is that red blinking light
Damie: What light?
91: Was that light blinking when we came in?
Damie: There weren't any lights
91: We must have tripped an alarm we have to hurry

*Damie and 91 begin to scurry out of the house. 91 stops momentarily*

Damie: What are you doing? Come on
91: No wait, I dropped something
Damie: There's no time... let's go
91: But
Damie: Let's Go!!! *Damie says in loud whisper*
*91 relents and they leave out, running ninja style with the children in the shadows of the nearby forest. They finally reach the car and drive away slowly and casually*

Damie: What the hell was that about back there?
91: I felt something fall or I dropped something
Damie: You almost blew the mission... *takes deep breathe* we just gotta get back to the e-house

*Damie steers the car into the driveway, and takes the e-kids inside to their respective rooms.*

Damie: I'll have alot of explaining to do tomorrow
91: Don't forget, you have to help me get my e-kid back
Damie: I haven't forgotten... anyway. I need to talk to Phire about getting some different arrangements. I don't want us all crowded at the same house, and we need something further away from Hazerville. Let me borrow your phone again
*91 pats herself down but can't find her cell. Damie looks up in horror, shock, and disgust*

Damie: No *in disbelief*
91: I... I have it somewhere
Damie: You didn't
91: No I have it, I have it *Still patting self but can't locate it. 91 cries*
Damie: You have got to be kidding...

To BE CONTINUED...

[ReignMan19]

::::::::::::::

Its a shame 91 is doing all this for breast implants.... Thats right her portion of the ransom is going toward comestic surgery for her saggy funbags.... So saggy that they look like a pair of balls.... 91 is hoping she can finally get her chesticals enhanced and live out her dream of dancing as a fly girl in the Living Color Reunion Show...

what.. there is no ransom??

Oh nevermind carry on


:::::::::::::

[T-Rex91]

*p*
Reign I hate you with the power that Siouvaughn Wade hates Gabby....I really do......LOL
*p*

*Damie is furious that 91 has blown the mission* I can't believe you! Fa real?

I told you i thought I dropped something. If you hadn't been rushing me....anyway. This isn't a big deal. I told you I had someone on the inside. That call i made yesterday? It was to the nanny. Greedy woman fortunately. I told her our plans and to sweep the place in case anything went wrong. Lemme borrow your phone.

Ninja, if I had a phone would I have needed to borrow yours? See my minutes ran out and I couldn't get down to the market to reload so i just......

*glares* I have a phone registered to an employee in my room. *91 goes to the her room and dials her cell. The nanny answers. She gives Damie the thumbs up sign* She's got it. I told her to destroy it immediately.

*Damie plops down on the couch and grabs his beloved chicken bucket*

damn ninja! Ain't you even going to check on the kids?

They'll be out a while. Besides, I have this pile of skin that I was saving as an after dinner treat and.....

*Sucks teeth* I'll go check on them. If they wake up in a strange place, they might freak. Be right back. *91 goes into the room where the kids are sleeping and pulls back the covers they're wrapped in so they don't get too warm while they sleep.* Aw hayle! *runs back into living room* Yo D, I think we have a problem.[/color]

Whatchu mean?

Uh yeah, unless one of your sons has a Dora fetish and pigtails, one of these e-kids is a girl and it ain't PikaQue!

*Just then, a news report of the break-in at JA's comes on the television reporting the abduction of two of her children by unidentified suspects*

TO BE CONTINUED.........

[Hummy Jones]

This whole thread is great. Why am I up here reading this thread and eating popcorn? lol, pure entertainment!!!

[Julie Art]

*p*

Buahahahahahahahahahahahahaha @ the Gabby Pic! ROTFL!

*p*



*while sitting at the premire of the movie, one of my body guards alerts me that we have to leave, RIGHT NOW! I make a graceful exit and get in the waiting car*

JA: Um, Calvin, you have some explaing to do! Why you rush me out of there like you crazy? You know, Joe used to do that same ish and you see where he is, the unemployment line! Don't end up like Joe!

Calvin: JA, I have something to tell you but you have to remain calm.

JA: What? Why you looking like that? Something's wrong, is my e-kids isn't it!

Calvin: Calm down JA, calm down!

JA: Tell me what the hayle is going on! *I grab Calvin by his collar*

Calvin: Someone broke into your house.

JA: *loosens grip on Calvin and leans back in seat* Oh, is that it? Folks try to break into one of my dummy houses all the time, papaparrizzi (sp?) and folks trying to sell picks to a magazine. That's no biggy. (I laugh a little as my tension eases. Calvin waits till I seem very calm.*

Calvin: Actually, JA, they broke into your real house and e-kidnap two of your kids.

JA: what? What? WHat? WHAt? WHAT?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!!?!

*I look at Calvin like *

JA: Please tell me this is a joke.

Calvin: Wish I could. *he presses the button and a TV comes down from the ceiling of the car. He turns to the news where they are covering the report on my house. I immediatley pass out*

[Chal™]

*P*

Dang, Juicy. your hair got real short real quick. lol

*P*

[DamieQue™]

*p*

It's the stress Chal - LOL

*p*

[DamieQue™]

*Damie runs to the bedroom to look at e-kids in shock. Immediately begins placing blame*
Damie: Dammit 91... I told you to grab my e-kid
91: This is who you told me to grab
Damie: No I didn't... I told you the other one
91: Really?
Damie: How could you screw this up?
91 walks over to other child: So the one you picked up was right but the one I picked up was wrong?
Damie: YES
91: Ok... what's the name of the one you picked up?
Damie: I... *Studders*... what's that... what's that got to do with anything?
91: Just say the child's name Damie
Damie: Stop deflecting you got the wrong kid
91: Damie are either of these children yours?
Damie: *Scratches head* I - guess -
91: You GUESS?
Damie: I mean I think
91: You THINK?
Damie: Dammit it was dark, I couldn't see
91: Negus you can see now... is - this - your - child?
Damie: Yes... mostly... probably
91: ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Damie: It's just... I mean I've been through alot lately and
91: Shut up. Just shut up.
Damie: Look this is no big deal... we'll just go back down on another Friday night and pick up the other kids
91 looking incredulously at Damie: Niccuh iz you crazy?
Damie: What?
91: What - what do you think this is? You think this is grocery store run?
Damie: No
91: You think you're just gonna run down to the corner store and pick you up some egg nog, a pack of cigarettes, and two kids?
Damie: 91 listen...
91: You have completely lost your mind. I am so sorry for putting you in that tight suit... it didn't just squeeze out your inner thoughts... it squeezed out your common sense
Damie: you are judging me again
91: You are lucky I'm not cutting you
Damie: (pause) so what do we do?
91: We get MY e-daughter first. Don't need you screwing up anything else before that happens
Damie: I didn't screw up, I just -
91: Don't know your own kids... right we got it... sigh...

*Awkward Silence*

Damie: That hurt
91: I'm sorry... I'm just frustrated... with your stupidity
Damie: I know... what? What did you say?
91: I said let's look for a remedy. First things first. We have to get these e-kids, whoever they are, something to eat. And we need a new location.
Damie: I'll get the house staff on that. Then what
91: Then we go rescue my child. Security will be damn near impenetrable the next time we try to break into Juicy's house. We're going to have to kidnap your kids (assuming that now by process of elimination you are actually able to positively identify them) some place other than home. You have made this really complicated Damie.
Damie: Yeah, sure... your night on the town playing Super Girl Vigilante in the parking lot of the Gritty Kitty didn't complicate things...
91: No, as a matter of fact, it didn't - I KNOW who my child is
Damie: And I know WHERE my kids are. Do you?
*91 attempts to retort but can't*
Damie: Yeah... I didn't think so. Since you are now all of a sudden *does quote fingers* the smart one, why don't you go ahead and find out where your e-daughter is and then we'll come up with a new plan.
*91 glares at Damie but doesn't speak. Gets on computer and begins search for info on daughter and how to contact Chal*
Damie: Concierge. Hey I need to speak to your employer or the appropriate liason. We need to move shop pronto. Connect me.

TO BE CONTINUED...