|
|
Post by LejaOMG on Mar 9, 2010 14:55:21 GMT -5
Call to mind the story I told about a young woman I know who could not bring herself to have sex with her husband because she was programmed to regard it as dirty and sinful.
What view has your religion given you (and those you know) of sex? Has your view changed at all throughout your life?
Speak on it please.
|
|
|
|
Post by LejaOMG on Mar 9, 2010 15:35:43 GMT -5
The young lady I mentioned has a plight similar to what I think many devout Christian women experience. I think it varies between how each gender is socialized to think about sex in the church.
Many young Christians are not taught (by their very well-meaning parents) that sex is a beautiful, natural, normal behavior, instituted by God for married people to show appreciation for one another, and gratitude to God for the gift of one another. Instead, they often are taught that sex is a sin in most circumstances and that at some magical point in the future they will eventually be allowed to participate.
Girls are taught not even to acknowledge their desires because such desires are the seedlings of sin. They are forced to go out of their way to avoid being desirable. They bear all the blame when men are attracted to/distracted by them. And then when they hit the "marrying age," all of a sudden they're supposed to magically undo all those years of mis-education about sex. I mean, really, is a woman who's been taught that sex is disgusting and sinful (read: traumatized) supposed to enjoy sex without professional intervention?
|
|
|
|
Post by peppermint on Mar 9, 2010 15:37:50 GMT -5
What sticks out most is that promisicuity (sp?) is just about the worst thing one can do. In the Bible this led to murder, wars, over all drama. In modern day life, it's led to broken families, diseases, murder, etc. I wouldn't say I was taught that sex itself was "dirty." Depending on how you look at it, I was fortunate to be taught that sex outside of marriage is sinful, not sex.
Over the past 2-3 years, I've thought about this and sin in general. I've taken the scripture: "the wages of sin are death" and tried to connect the dots for as many sins as I can think of. I do not believe in "ranking" sins, however. I do think that when you choose to have multiple partners you do open yourself up to the possibility of an unnecessary, self-inflicted, early death.
|
|
|
|
Post by Highly Favored on Mar 9, 2010 16:03:04 GMT -5
In my childhood church, abstinence until marriage was not taught. In fact, I don't recall sex being addressed at all. In looking back, it was probably because those who were able to provide that instruction were not in a position (because of their own deeds) to do so. In fact, looking back, I don't remember learning much at all about Christian living from that church. It's no wonder when I really got serious about living for God, I had to find another place to fellowship. That's why just any church won't do. But that's another story altogether.
My mother would warn me against becoming involved with "boys" because "you don't want to end up pregnant". The possibility of disease was not really emphasized. Neither was the fact that it was a sin. I know that she did the very best she could and the possibility that I could become pregnant and disappoint my mother was enough to prevent me from indulging until I was 20. Then, I went to college and had my first experience with "adult" love. Since the only thing that was ever presented to me was "not getting pregnant", I addressed that with birth control. In the back of my mind, I knew I was wrong, even though it was never expressed to me as such.
It wasn't until a few years later, when I really got a personal relationship with God, that I began to view sex outside of marriage for what it really was - a sin. By that time I was married.
As Peppermint has said, God calls certain acts sin for a reason. When we go against what He has said, we open ourselves up to death (in one way or another), even if it is spiritual death. Now that I am in a position to teach young people, I share that with them. I also share with them, that, at the appropriate time (marriage), it is a beautiful thing meant to be enjoyed by the parties to that marriage. People have used sex in the wrong way for so long that it has become a cheapened experience for them. When you mix that with misdirected religious zeal, you mess people up.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chal™ on Mar 9, 2010 16:28:22 GMT -5
i was never taught that sex was dirty. It was something that, between a married couple, is beautiful and undefiled. My mom never talked to us about sex. Then again, I never talked to her about sex either. I was mor comfortable talking to my aunt and my stepmom.
|
|
|
|
Post by Coldfront06 on Mar 9, 2010 17:40:44 GMT -5
The young lady I mentioned has a plight similar to what I think many devout Christian women experience. I think it varies between how each gender is socialized to think about sex in the church. Many young Christians are not taught (by their very well-meaning parents) that sex is a beautiful, natural, normal behavior, instituted by God for married people to show appreciation for one another, and gratitude to God for the gift of one another. Instead, they often are taught that sex is a sin in most circumstances and that at some magical point in the future they will eventually be allowed to participate. Girls are taught not even to acknowledge their desires because such desires are the seedlings of sin. They are forced to go out of their way to avoid being desirable. They bear all the blame when men are attracted to/distracted by them. And then when they hit the "marrying age," all of a sudden they're supposed to magically undo all those years of mis-education about sex. I mean, really, is a woman who's been taught that sex is disgusting and sinful (read: traumatized) supposed to enjoy sex without professional intervention? I know its mostly women that are affected by this, but the bolded is exactly what my parents taught me about sex, and the primary reason why I waited longer than most dudes to have sex (I was either 20 or 21). I never thought sex was dirty, but I really thought I'd be disrespecting a woman by having sex with her if I wasn't married to her, due to what my parents taught me. Finally, I got over it...LOL. |
|
|
|
Post by Cambist on Mar 10, 2010 11:22:29 GMT -5
I was taught that sex is not bad but it's meant for creating babies. My mother told me that you are forever tied to each person you sleep with whether or not a child is conceived. I was also made to read about and look at the pictures of diseases. That scared me from messing with ladies that were less than desirable (although I had my skank days).
The fact that it's a sin was only mentioned as a function of the lifelong connection.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mrs. Eyes on Mar 10, 2010 11:42:04 GMT -5
I learned that sex is a beautiful union between a man and wife. The spiritual ties that comes with sex, a lot of people underestimate and some don't even understand.
|
|
|
|
Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 10, 2010 11:53:03 GMT -5
The young lady I mentioned has a plight similar to what I think many devout Christian women experience. I think it varies between how each gender is socialized to think about sex in the church. Many young Christians are not taught (by their very well-meaning parents) that sex is a beautiful, natural, normal behavior, instituted by God for married people to show appreciation for one another, and gratitude to God for the gift of one another. Instead, they often are taught that sex is a sin in most circumstances and that at some magical point in the future they will eventually be allowed to participate. Girls are taught not even to acknowledge their desires because such desires are the seedlings of sin. They are forced to go out of their way to avoid being desirable. They bear all the blame when men are attracted to/distracted by them. And then when they hit the "marrying age," all of a sudden they're supposed to magically undo all those years of mis-education about sex. I mean, really, is a woman who's been taught that sex is disgusting and sinful (read: traumatized) supposed to enjoy sex without professional intervention? I know its mostly women that are affected by this, but the bolded is exactly what my parents taught me about sex, and the primary reason why I waited longer than most dudes to have sex (I was either 20 or 21). I never thought sex was dirty, but I really thought I'd be disrespecting a woman by having sex with her if I wasn't married to her, due to what my parents taught me. Finally, I got over it...LOL. What he said although I was 18....(well actually 17 when it started.. 18 when I finished) |
|
|
|
Post by peppermint on Mar 10, 2010 21:58:37 GMT -5
The spiritual ties that comes with sex, a lot of people underestimate and some don't even understand. This is incredibly true! |
|
|
|
Post by Highly Favored on Mar 11, 2010 15:43:29 GMT -5
I learned that sex is a beautiful union between a man and wife. The spiritual ties that comes with sex, a lot of people underestimate and some don't even understand. That is SO true. It is for that reason I wish I had "saved myself" for my husband. |
|
|
|
Post by peppermint on Mar 11, 2010 20:17:26 GMT -5
I'm not sure there is a lesson in fornication that is necessary for marriage. IMO you can learn what you like within the confines of marriage. If anything, it would seem if you had an ex who was a 15 on a scale of 10 and your hubby/wife can't perform at that level, there's always a part of you comparing the ex to the spouse. Or, there is an effort to get the spouse to be more like the ex in sexual ways. In essence you've brought that person into your marital bed.
I do plan to encourage abstience til marriage with my children. IMO, there is no benefit to sex outside of marriage and it can save them so much heartache and drama.
|
|
|
|
Post by frozenmenace on Mar 12, 2010 16:38:05 GMT -5
I have been taught that it is the sex act that really forms the marriage bond (outside of rape). That's why it is called "consummating the marriage". The wedding ceremony is not what joins a man to a woman, nor is it a marriage license. Those are just symbolic gestures. What actually seals the marriage deal is the sex act. So, BIBLICALLY, we are "married" to the first person we ever had sex.
|
|
|
|
Post by Coldfront06 on Mar 12, 2010 21:40:38 GMT -5
I have been taught that it is the sex act that really forms the marriage bond (outside of rape). That's why it is called "consummating the marriage". The wedding ceremony is not what joins a man to a woman, nor is it a marriage license. Those are just symbolic gestures. What actually seals the marriage deal is the sex act. So, BIBLICALLY, we are "married" to the first person we ever had sex. My parents also included that idea as part of my sex ed...that sex is what "marries" a man and a woman in God's eyes. |
|
|
|
Post by peppermint on Mar 12, 2010 22:14:51 GMT -5
Misleading concept 1 I think the concept that sex inside marriage saves a person heartache and drama is counterproductive. Actually on a stress evaluation form that we use here to evaluate our client’s stressor level based on their recent experiences DIVORCE gets the most points even before DEATH OF A SPOUSE and far more points than a regular break up. Misleading concept 2 Another form of misinformation is that premarital sex leads to disease. Actually sexual contact(especially un protected sexual contact)<and other risky behavior> can lead to a disease with an infected partner. You can a catch disease in marriage just like you can catch it out of marriage. Actually some people are more prone to get an STD in marriage because that is the only type of relationship where they will not use protection. I get what you are saying about giving kids the information to make their own decisions but... 1. One of the leading causes for divorce is infidelity- sex outside of the bounds of marriage. This takes us back to square one of sex outside of marriage possibly not being the wisest choice. While you can experience heartache without sex, there is something about sharing your body with someone that changes the dynamic. True you can sleep with someone and not remember their name or face within a matter of days, but given the purpose sex, is that a good thing? I mean with the exception of business purposes we don't allow strangers to borrow our homes or cars, surely our bodies are more valuable. 2. Again if sex is solely between these two individuals, where is the risk of STIs? For you to get an STI from your spouse or transmit it, someone would have to step outside the bounds of marriage. Biblical teaching isn't just about pre-marital sex, it's about sex within the confines of marriage period. Adultery is just as big a sin as fornication. |
|
|
|
Post by Coldfront06 on Mar 12, 2010 23:18:49 GMT -5
Number 2 is a good point Pep. 2 people who were virgins when they got married can NEVER have an STD...one of them had to have sex outside of marriage in order to get it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mrs. Eyes on Mar 13, 2010 13:16:59 GMT -5
I might need to research it more, I was told that oral sex is not an abonination, anal sex was though.
I think in Songs of Solomon, there was some oral sex going on.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chal™ on Mar 15, 2010 13:40:44 GMT -5
*shudders @ Outtie's list*
I'm not sure, no I KNOW I don't agree with that list. That is not what I was taught to believe. I was taught that the bed of marriage is undefiled. Thus discrediting numbers 1, 4, 5, 7, 8, and 14. The rest, i need more documentation.
As for the re
|
|
|
|
Post by Chal™ on Mar 18, 2010 11:22:59 GMT -5
I don't agree with 2 AT ALL!!!!!! Sometimes I got to say no and you got to say no...then when we both say yes it makes the sparks fly higher and it causes our appreciation levels to rise. With that being said I don't think one should deny their spouse sex to be spiteful or just because. that's the context in which I took that statement. In my way of thinking, there are many necessary reasons to say no, i.e. medical reasons, female issues, timing, etc. So my interpretation of # 2 was saying no out of spite. |
|
thatque
OOA Interest
[C01:Purple]
Posts: 85
|
Post by thatque on Apr 14, 2010 16:05:26 GMT -5
Religion and Sex
There is so much to say but most of it has already been said, so in order not to be redundant, I won't go into much detail but some things need to be considered & that is the level of Pre-Maritial Sex that I think the Majority of all of us are guility of & yes it is a sin & someone earlier quoted that the wages of sin is death, but also it is more that a physical & spiritual death it can be the death of that relationship as well! - Think about it - NUFF SAID!
|
|
|
|
Post by Cambist on Apr 20, 2010 9:21:25 GMT -5
@ TQ- True, i've made the point several times during OO discussions about how injecting sex into a relationship can kill it. It kills the possibility of dating for the purpose of finding compatibility.
We can't casually date because we tend to add the sexual component which implies (and in todays environment of disease demands) exclusivity.
|
|
|
|
Post by nsync on Apr 20, 2010 19:57:50 GMT -5
Immaturity, emotional issues and lack of communication kill a relationship far more than sex. We blame everything on sex. #o I think one should wait to have sex? If they truly want to get know each other it's probably best. However it's no guarantee. I know a couple who broke all the rules. Sex the first night. "He will never respect you enough to date you" He dated her. They moved in together for about 6 years. " He ain't never gonna marry her" He married her. "They ain't gonna last " Going strong from what most people can see.
I know this is not the standard. However it shows that it's deeper than the sex if YOU BOTH want it to be.
Also know a couple that were friends with benefits first and went all the way. It's really about what the couple wants not the sex.
With that being said I do believe sex is best within a healthy marriage as it is within a healthy relationship in general.
|
|
|
|
Post by godfirstmelast on Jun 4, 2010 16:59:30 GMT -5
Call to mind the story I told about a young woman I know who could not bring herself to have sex with her husband because she was programmed to regard it as dirty and sinful. What view has your religion given you (and those you know) of sex? Has your view changed at all throughout your life? Speak on it please. You post the best topics! My religion says sex before marriage and adultery is sinful. We are all to be held accountable to God at the end for whatever impure acts we committed with our bodies. (his Temple). Regardless of this, fornication continues to be the sin least regarded in my church. It's like, if you steal, lie, or talk about people, you are seen as falling by the wayside in your Christian beliefs, but if you have sex, but don't get pregnant, it's looked over. I still personally feel that having sex before marriage is wrong in God's eyes, but I wouldn't tell anyone else that because that would make me a hypocrite. |
|
|
|
Post by nsync on Jun 7, 2010 12:03:25 GMT -5
^^^ It was just the opposite at my church. HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE WAS THE ULTIMATE SOCIAL SIN right next to killing and dancing/listening to secular music.
Okay I say all that in jest...but fornication was a big deal in my church.
|
|
G Money$CMB$
OOA neo
?It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.?
Posts: 264
|
Post by G Money$CMB$ on Jun 7, 2010 15:54:39 GMT -5
I was taught by my Mom "don't have sex girl because you will end up pregnant and I ain't taking care of no babies". My Mother used the fear factor on me and since I was so damn scary as a kid, I didn't let ANY ONE touch me until I was in college. (Went away for college and lost my damn mind). LOL
With that said, I think sex is viewed as a negative connotation because not only does religion play a factor but society depicts sexuality as "negative". I'm not sure if God will dead me when I try to go inside the pearly gates and say "Girl you ain't coming in here cuz you out there screwing". Or at least I pray that won't happen. LOL
|
|
|
|
Post by godfirstmelast on Jun 7, 2010 21:44:19 GMT -5
"Girl you ain't coming in here cuz you out there screwing". ^^ DEAD |
|
|
|
Post by NOLA Darling on Jun 9, 2010 2:46:38 GMT -5
I was raised Catholic but always taught to respectfully challenge authority. To that end, The Catholic Church preaches abstinence. In hindsight I wish I would have listened(lol). As far as sex goes, I really don't think religion has anything to do with it. If you believe that then fine but religion is just man-made manufactured control. Believe what you want but the word of God is absolute. NOWHERE in the 10 commandments does it say don't have sex and explore sexuality. Your faith and your relationship with God will dictate your actions.
|
|
|
|
Post by Vudu_Prince on Jun 9, 2010 10:16:14 GMT -5
If you're anti sex you're anti life. There isn't and never will be enough men on this green earth for every woman to have a husband. You have one life to live. fuck your brains out I say.
|
|
|
|
Post by NOLA Darling on Jun 9, 2010 15:20:24 GMT -5
If you're anti sex you're anti life. There isn't and never will be enough men on this green earth for every woman to have a husband. You have one life to live. fuck your brains out I say. Oh my... |
|
|
|
Post by nsync on Jun 9, 2010 19:50:33 GMT -5
Lol
|
|
