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Post by MochaD on Feb 1, 2008 9:26:19 GMT -5
Ladies and Gents,
You're in a relationship after being single for years and someone you used to deal with, prior to your current relationship and had strong feelings for contacts you and wants to meet and talk. They know that you are in a relationship and are very happy. This is not new news to them, for they are calling after a few months to "check in" to see how things are going with you and your new mate. Do you agree to meet them? If you are the SO of this, are you OK with them meeting? How would you handle this?
I'm sure this has actually happened to some of you, myself included...
Discuss.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Feb 1, 2008 9:29:48 GMT -5
Invitation for trouble IMO. The past is the past for a reason. We can catch up just as easily via e-mail as we can over dinner. Having made this mistake before I won't ever do it again. Just my 20 cents.
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Post by MochaD on Feb 1, 2008 9:37:39 GMT -5
Invitation for trouble IMO. The past is the past for a reason. We can catch up just as easily via e-mail as we can over dinner. Having made this mistake before I won't ever do it again. Just my 20 cents. If you don't mind sharing, what happened without putting all your business out there (if you do mind that is)? |
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Post by Southie on Feb 1, 2008 9:42:21 GMT -5
Lets understand the motive in this situation. The person from the past, would like to see if they can rekindle the relationship and banking on the fact they you used to feel strongly, therefore you will probably go for it again. If you are considering meeting up with the past friend, then you are not completely over the situation.
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Post by Puzzler on Feb 1, 2008 9:52:37 GMT -5
No don't meet them...its going to be drama if you do. Your SO will feel like you don't respect them, by going out with someone from your past (especially if it was serious and sexual).
If I was the SO, no I wouldn't want them to meet. That's disrespectful to me, if I'm suppose to be the one you want to be with, no other person should be that important to you. I would just flat out say how I feel, if my mate told me what was about to go down, but some mates don't communicate so, some wouldn't say anything, which is not good.
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Post by Bunny Hop on Feb 1, 2008 9:55:15 GMT -5
I think people from the past have a meter or something that tells them "ok, she's doing well. call her" LOL
I don't think I'd meet with them. there are some folks from the past I will not even talk to on the phone. You can send a quick text or e-mail but we won't be having a long conversation and we won't be meeting up or anything like that. I think that may send the message that there is a possibility of something happening between yall again.
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Post by QueenOH on Feb 1, 2008 10:22:09 GMT -5
My strong feels for exes are usually strong feelings of anger so they wouldn’t want to meet me in person because I might bring a bat along or a shank
<--has tried to run a ex over with her car b4
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Post by coldfront06 on Feb 1, 2008 10:33:08 GMT -5
I was in this situation recently...I chose not to meet her. And it had nothing to do with my current lady...I just don't have a reason to meet her.
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Post by FULLOFME on Feb 1, 2008 10:35:50 GMT -5
This happened to me about 5 or 6 years ago and it was my HS sweetheart who I had not seen in almost 10 years. He was sincere in just wanting to see me and share the details of our current lives with one another. We spoke and the phone then met briefly and that was it. I haven't heard from him since that time. It did offer closure to that feeling of always loving your first love. He was happy and I was happy and no need to compromise that for one another. I would say to meet or not to meet depends on the intentions and expectations of both people and as long as they are consistent and acceptable to each person, why not...
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Post by MochaD on Feb 1, 2008 10:55:27 GMT -5
Well here's the thing, "the blast from the past" asked for the SO's "permission" to meet with the SO. Like WTF? Do you really expect a SO to say, yeah, sure go ahead and there not be any thoughts or issues from 1 or both parties. To say "yes", what message is being sent? To say "no", what message is being sent?
Me, myself, personally -LoL. To ask for "permission" is disrespectful because who wants to be in a relationship where one has to ask for "permission" to do xyz. So to imply "asking for permission" says alot about their "intentions." Seemingly implying a lack of trust or trying to feel if there is trust and communication in their relationship and if the SO is secure enough to say "sure, why not! Have fun and tell so and so I said hello..." -yeah right!
When this happened to me, I agreed to meet him and although he needed closure, he was definitely trying to rekindle the flame and WE were both in a relationship. I was very happy in my relationship and I wasn't quite sure about his, but the mere fact that he was requesting to meet with me spoke volumes and I provided the closure, but was surely looking at him sideways when he started tryin' to holla. I lose respect for people who are in committed relationships and try to "test" the waters. If you wanna do what single people do then be single!!!
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Post by osiris on Feb 1, 2008 11:20:09 GMT -5
Personally, this is how I am. My wife will tell you (because I've mentioned this on many occasions) that I don't care if she meets up with an ex from the past. Reason being, if she is going to be with me, then she's going to be with me. I want her to be with me because she chooses to... not because I've set up precautionary boundaries to prevent and protect her from her past. As I told my wife, a ring and marriage certificate doesn't make me faithful; but it is what's in my heart and mind that brings me home every night (regardless of whom I may encounter during the day).
For that she's thankful. Because she is aware that she doesn't have to set up boundaries or preventive measures to keep me near her side. I'm typing this as the thought(s) manifest itself within my mind, but I feel that I'm failing to make my point. So, here's an analogy:
You have a bird within a cage that you cherish very much. You love to wake up and just stare at the colorful feathers but mostly because of the way the bird sings to you every morning and how the bird makes you feel after you've taken in the song. As much as you would love to remove the bird from the cage, you don't because you're afraid that the bird will fly away... therefore leaving you saddened and alone. Well, lets say that you decide to remove the cage and the bird still decides to stay and sings to you every morning. The bird stays because it wants to be with you; not because you prevented it from leaving.
How much more would this mean to you?
But I do realize that for some relationships the "Caged Bird still Sings" and I suspect that Maya Angelou can tell you why...
O....
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Post by MochaD on Feb 1, 2008 11:23:53 GMT -5
^^Good point O! I concur...
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Post by Vudu_Prince on Feb 1, 2008 12:51:41 GMT -5
I'm gonna keep it real if I get into another relationship and my ex from sometime ago called....We probably gonna fuck. I mean what other reason is it to meet up with an old flame?
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Post by QueenOH on Feb 1, 2008 12:53:09 GMT -5
Also Blacamus doesn't want me meeting up with my exes cause he is going to be mad if I have to call him from jail to pick me up
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Post by BKupInHere on Feb 1, 2008 17:57:29 GMT -5
<--exalts Osiris & Queen for their responses
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