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Post by QueenOH on Aug 26, 2010 15:21:05 GMT -5
ewww your ovaries pop out and in like legos!!!
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Post by DamieQue™ on Aug 26, 2010 15:32:29 GMT -5
*trying very hard to imagine why one does not have the right to inquire after their live-in partner's whereabouts at any time of day, especially @ 1am*
Just trying to see what exactly it is, about the living arrangment that establishes "understandings" that have never been agreed to or verbalized but are nonetheless now somehow in effect. Is it the presumption that the relationship has advanced?
If the SO moves out, does the other person still retain the new unagreed to unverbalised yet established understanding? |
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Post by LejaOMG on Aug 26, 2010 15:41:04 GMT -5
EXCELLENT questions! Lemme think for a sec...
yes, I believe the presumption (at least on my end) is that the relationship has advanced due to the shacking up. Therefore, if the SO moves out, quite a lot of the "understandings" are no longer relevant. For example, my dude shouldn't really be offended that I'm out doing this-or-that if we don't live together. Once I move out, what concern is it of his? He already expects me not to be in bed with him, being that...I don't live with him. By the same token, it may be somewhat distasteful for me to have my homeboys all up and through the home we share (even if I did that when I lived alone and there is nothing technically wrong with it).
What if it was agreed to be temporary? From my worldview, I don't see how that matters. Even if I'm just staying with you for 2 weeks while I wait for my lease to take effect, I still find it kinda inconsiderate for me to be walking up in the house @ 3am.
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Post by ReignMan19 on Aug 26, 2010 15:41:52 GMT -5
"He calmly reminded her that he can be out at whatever hour he pleases given the fact that they are merely dating. "
With this statement he basically laid out his stance... Now if she doesn't like it she has some decisions... its really THAT simple... there is no wishy washy mind trickery going on ... it is what it is..
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Post by DamieQue™ on Aug 26, 2010 15:46:10 GMT -5
EXCELLENT questions! Lemme think for a sec... yes, I believe the presumption (at least on my end) is that the relationship has advanced due to the shacking up. Therefore, if the SO moves out, quite a lot of the "understandings" are no longer relevant. For example, my dude shouldn't really be offended that I'm out doing this-or-that if we don't live together. Once I move out, what concern is it of his? He already expects me not to be in bed with him, being that...I don't live with him. By the same token, it may be somewhat distasteful for me to have my homeboys all up and through the home we share (even if I did that when I lived alone and there is nothing technically wrong with it). What if it was agreed to be temporary? From my worldview, I don't see how that matters. Even if I'm just staying with you for 2 weeks while I wait for my lease to take effect, I still find it kinda inconsiderate for me to be walking up in the house @ 3am.
My only push back is your presumptions and opinions are not mutual agreements. There is no chicanery other than, it seems, what you believe he ought to do, versus what you have agreed that he will do. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Aug 26, 2010 15:46:17 GMT -5
EXCELLENT questions! Lemme think for a sec... yes, I believe the presumption (at least on my end) is that the relationship has advanced due to the shacking up. Therefore, if the SO moves out, quite a lot of the "understandings" are no longer relevant. For example, my dude shouldn't really be offended that I'm out doing this-or-that if we don't live together. Once I move out, what concern is it of his? He already expects me not to be in bed with him, being that...I don't live with him. By the same token, it may be somewhat distasteful for me to have my homeboys all up and through the home we share (even if I did that when I lived alone and there is nothing technically wrong with it). What if it was agreed to be temporary? From my worldview, I don't see how that matters. Even if I'm just staying with you for 2 weeks while I wait for my lease to take effect, I still find it kinda inconsiderate for me to be walking up in the house @ 3am. this just goes to show why folks shouldn't be shacking up..lol |
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Post by LejaOMG on Aug 26, 2010 15:47:41 GMT -5
Just trying to see what exactly it is, about the living arrangment that establishes "understandings" that have never been agreed to or verbalized but are nonetheless now somehow in effect. As to ^^, I see this more as an IIWII (Res Ipsa) kind of thing. Ok, we may not have promulgated any specific rules, but eventually I think a couple will develop a de facto Standard Operating Procedure. Obviously, explicit codification is preferable. This doesn't change the fact that after awhile, these SOPs unchallenged become common law. I come home at an hour my SO considers "decent" every night for 8 months, then all of a sudden I'm in another city playing spades with my frat brother and umpteen o'clock. Nah, that's out of the ordinary. I think he has every reason to reach out and touch me. He shouldn't, for example, demand that I come home. But I think I've contributed to his idea that I poseta be in the house by my previous behavior. Conversation or not. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Aug 26, 2010 15:49:53 GMT -5
General questions:
1. is moving in together not considered a "next level" for relationships?
2. does a person's presumptions have any more merit if they are in line with general community presumptions?
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Post by ReignMan19 on Aug 26, 2010 15:53:03 GMT -5
General question: is moving in together not considered a "next level" for relationships? Some people use it as the next step. However I have seen some cohabitation scenarios that didn't involve the growth of the relationship. Especially in situations when it happened due to finanical reasons. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Aug 26, 2010 16:09:22 GMT -5
Just trying to see what exactly it is, about the living arrangment that establishes "understandings" that have never been agreed to or verbalized but are nonetheless now somehow in effect. As to ^^, I see this more as an IIWII kind of thing. Ok, we may not have promulgated any specific rules, but eventually I think a couple will develop a de facto Standard Operating Procedure. After awhile, these SOPs unchallenged become common law. I come home at an hour my SO considers "decent" every night for 8 months, then all of a sudden I'm in another city playing spades with my frat brother and umpteen o'clock. Nah, that's out of the ordinary. I think he has every reason to reach out and touch me. He shouldn't, for example, demand that I come home. But I think I've contributed to his idea that I poseta be in the house by my previous behavior. Conversation or not.
There is no reason to conclude that your presumptions are comparable to his or any more valid than his. Why then must he necessarily have shared your view of the situation? |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Aug 26, 2010 16:12:59 GMT -5
General questions: 1. is moving in together not considered a "next level" for relationships? |
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Post by LejaOMG on Aug 26, 2010 17:06:36 GMT -5
You were asking for my opinion (what is more, this threas is about my random musings), hence all the purposeful 'cogito ergo sum' action. No diss taken.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Aug 26, 2010 19:50:10 GMT -5
You were asking for my opinion (what is more, this threas is about my random musings), hence all the purposeful 'cogito ergo sum' action. No diss taken. |
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Post by Kyng of JDs on Aug 26, 2010 20:25:14 GMT -5
This was so worth it.
Thank you Leja. I am a combo of Akbar and Top Gun.
EXALT!!
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Post by nsync on Aug 27, 2010 0:27:45 GMT -5
Yup straight BS also known as straight PS~Patriarchal s@&!. Anyone who is willing to put up with someone pitching this disrespectful unbalanced relationship will have to deal with everything that comes along with it. Although I totally agree with you that the delinquent partner (classically) the male should take accountability for his actions it's up to his partner to take responsibility in theirs as well. The quickest example I could come up with is that this is similar to the movement to encourage females to start carrying their own condoms and getting on birth control. It becomes her responsibility to take care of her own body first. Well I see relationships like emotional sex, emotional intertercourse--- because it is emotional intimacy. You have to protect your own emotional investment. Once a partner shows they no longer have interest in (1) the other partner's emotional well being (2) creating a healthy emotional environment through reciprocity and deposits of trust (3)building a committed relationship --- it is time to pull out. There are no guarantees in relationships only daily promises that are confirmed and recommitted or destroyed through ACTIONS not just words. and as for "that's the thing...he isn't changing the rules...he didn't say HE wasn't going to see anyone else" is that BS. Straight up. |
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Post by nsync on Aug 27, 2010 0:45:39 GMT -5
Whenever someone lies they know they are wrong. Guilt encourages us to lie. Greed encourages us to lie but truth never encourages us to lie.
So in the case of your friend if he and his woman have an understanding that it was okay for him to be out late then that is there thing. However if he lies , evades, withholds information (which it seems he did that is why she called inquiring) from his woman then you can rest assured that he knows he is wrong in his behavior toward her.
However I don't necessarily think it makes him an asshole or a bad person. But it's definately not something I would want to deal with. Usually when people are being selfish like that it's the beginning signs that the relationship is heading toward impending doom if the behavior is not corrected.
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Post by Cambist on Aug 27, 2010 7:03:09 GMT -5
Yup straight BS also known as straight PS~ Patriarchal s@&!. There's that word again..... |
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Post by LejaOMG on Aug 27, 2010 7:59:01 GMT -5
You were asking for my opinion (what is more, this threas is about my random musings), hence all the purposeful 'cogito ergo sum' action. No diss taken. lol @ this exchange |
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Post by LejaOMG on Aug 27, 2010 8:05:41 GMT -5
I suppose all any of us can ever offer on such topics are our opinions. There probably is no absolute truth where interpersonal relations are concerned. In the hypo above, for example, it's obvious that there was no meeting of the minds between the parties. But somehow, someway, each of them feels "wronged." And assuming that neither of them are insane, there must be some scintilla of reason to each perspective. I was just exploring whether you all could help me locate what my father called the reason in all things. Thanks, one and all!
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Post by LejaOMG on Aug 30, 2010 8:40:16 GMT -5
@ work on a Monday w/ a brand new perspective.
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Post by LejaOMG on Sept 8, 2010 12:28:10 GMT -5
I am going to make a placard and wear it around my neck @ religious functions...sorta like a line jacket, but in billboard format. It is going to say: - My name is Leja Moreno
- I am 25 years old and have never been married, however nothing is wrong with me
- Anytime my name has been read from the platform, it was followed by applause
- No, I do not currently "have a man"
- Yes, I am a lawyer
- No, I am not "new" to the faith
- Yes, I managed to remain faithful to God while in college and law school
- Yes, I know I speak so well. Thank you. I was trained by God.
- No, I will not change my style of dress to fit your personal preferences because I am not ashamed of my body. I advise you to purify your thoughts if this is a problem for you
- who her? That is my mother. Unlike me, she is new to the faith and she will cut a ninja for me.
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Post by ReignMan19 on Sept 8, 2010 12:31:36 GMT -5
I *snickered* repeatedly..
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Post by DamieQue™ on Sept 8, 2010 12:34:15 GMT -5
I am going to make a placard and wear it around my neck @ religious functions...sorta like a line jacket, but in billboard format. It is going to say: - My name is Leja Moreno
- I am 25 years old and have never been married, however nothing is wrong with me
- Anytime my name has been read from the platform, it was followed by applause
- No, I do not currently "have a man"
- Yes, I am a lawyer
- No, I am not "new" to the faith
- Yes, I managed to remain faithful to God while in college and law school
- Yes, I know I speak so well. Thank you.
- No, I will not change my style of dress to fit your personal preferences because I am not ashamed of my body. I advise you to purify your thoughts if this is a problem for you
- who her? That is my mother. Unlike me, she is new to the faith and she will cut a ninja for me.
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Post by LejaOMG on Sept 8, 2010 12:37:35 GMT -5
I was thinking sandwich board too...however, people behind me already have plenty to focus on (as it is not a game) so I wouldn't want to info-overload folks. Overloaded folks get stressed out. Stressed folks assault people and knock over liquor stores. It's all about fighting crime.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Sept 8, 2010 12:44:55 GMT -5
I was thinking sandwich board too...however, people behind me already have plenty to focus on (as it is not a game) so I wouldn't want to info-overload folks. Overloaded folks get stressed out. Stressed folks assault people and knock over liquor stores. It's all about fighting crime.
#justsayin |
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Post by LejaOMG on Sept 8, 2010 12:46:09 GMT -5
you know where's even less of a game than "back there"? I thought so. It's a textbook paradox. Maybe I can walk around holding hands with a midget little person who with his other hand is holding up a posterboard containing my thoughts.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Sept 8, 2010 12:50:28 GMT -5
you know where's even less of a game than "back there"? I thought so. It's a textbook paradox. Maybe I can walk around holding hands with a midget little person who with his other hand is holding up a posterboard containing my thoughts.
No... I think I'd rather see you walking around with a sandwich board pushed out so far in both directions it looks like a gabled roof, than to see a Mini-Me Billboard. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Sept 8, 2010 12:51:33 GMT -5
you're a fool.
#thatisall
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Post by QueenOH on Sept 8, 2010 13:09:42 GMT -5
I didn't know I was older than you
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Post by Chal™ on Sept 8, 2010 13:20:06 GMT -5
i wanna go home
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