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Post by 123Diva on Feb 2, 2009 11:09:23 GMT -5
<----was often in the off-limits box due to good-girl persona
Now the type of dudes who would of put me in the off-limits box try to holler regularly...not sure what that means.
::shrugs::
Dating is for suckaz anyway.
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Post by THE emPRISS on Feb 2, 2009 11:13:46 GMT -5
No not automatic friendships. I'm using the term "friend" loosely. We will chill, talk, kick it whatever but just doing so doesnt mean (in my mind) that we are dating or that it will ever evolve into anything...it just means we are starting off as friends first. I dont think its weird at all. Im used to marching to a different beat. But I will say, perhaps if people developed friendships first, relationships would be more fulfilling and marriages would last longer. I meet so many guys that I cant give every one of them a shot by virtue of attraction. I dont have any ugly friends so that's a non-issue (attraction)...I need to be attracted some other way for me to even consider someone as more than a friend. Besides, in the beginning, in my exp., every guy gives the same old song and dance anyway. I dont have the energy to figure out who is being geniune or not...however, over a course of time, if its a facade it will become apparent. I would have then avoided catching feelings over who I THOUGHT someone was...my way works for me. It took me only one "that sorry negro" experience to switch up my steez re: men. I'd like to keep it that way. Now, you may get put in the "do-able only" box. Those are usually the FIONE but dumb/annoying/immature ones...lol...but given the right set of circumstances, most of my male friends can make it out of the friend box in terms of relationships. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Feb 2, 2009 11:35:15 GMT -5
Not weird... but not common (at least in my experience). Based on what's being posted in here I'm thinking that maybe you're swimming against the tide on this one. But I think we all have things that we do - that others woudn't necessarily do. If it works - that's all that matters. Im used to marching to a different beat. But I will say, perhaps if people developed friendships first, relationships would be more fulfilling and marriages would last longer. I meet so many guys that I cant give every one of them a shot by virtue of attraction. I dont have any ugly friends so that's a non-issue (attraction)...I need to be attracted some other way for me to even consider someone as more than a friend. Besides, in the beginning, in my exp., every guy gives the same old song and dance anyway. I dont have the energy to figure out who is being geniune or not...however, over a course of time, if its a facade it will become apparent. I would have then avoided catching feelings over who I THOUGHT someone was...my way works for me. It took me only one "that sorry negro" experience to switch up my steez re: men. I'd like to keep it that way. Now, you may get put in the "do-able only" box. Those are usually the FIONE but dumb/annoying/immature ones...lol...but given the right set of circumstances, most of my male friends can make it out of the friend box in terms of relationships.
Still I see why your approach might have advantages as well. |
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Post by Warner Fite on Feb 2, 2009 12:02:10 GMT -5
friendzones....is bullshyt. Anyman who gets caught in a friendzone should either be working himself out of it or bounce. You can find freinds who don't/ or act like they don't want to have sex with you anywhere....why bother if you want more than friendship?
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Post by THE emPRISS on Feb 2, 2009 12:21:35 GMT -5
Im used to marching to a different beat. But I will say, perhaps if people developed friendships first, relationships would be more fulfilling and marriages would last longer. I meet so many guys that I cant give every one of them a shot by virtue of attraction. I dont have any ugly friends so that's a non-issue (attraction)...I need to be attracted some other way for me to even consider someone as more than a friend. Besides, in the beginning, in my exp., every guy gives the same old song and dance anyway. I dont have the energy to figure out who is being geniune or not...however, over a course of time, if its a facade it will become apparent. I would have then avoided catching feelings over who I THOUGHT someone was...my way works for me. It took me only one "that sorry negro" experience to switch up my steez re: men. I'd like to keep it that way. Now, you may get put in the "do-able only" box. Those are usually the FIONE but dumb/annoying/immature ones...lol...but given the right set of circumstances, most of my male friends can make it out of the friend box in terms of relationships.
Still I see why your approach might have advantages as well. LOL yes we have established that years ago. And you are right about the patterns too...he wont know...but if he wants to know, he'll stick around and if he doesnt...I wouldnt have suffered any emotional losses...  |
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Post by LejaOMG on Feb 2, 2009 12:46:12 GMT -5
friendzones....is bullshyt. Anyman who gets caught in a friendzone should either be working himself out of it or bounce. You can find freinds who don't/ or act like they don't want to have sex with you anywhere....why bother if you want more than friendship? LOL! |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Feb 2, 2009 13:05:45 GMT -5
I have a friendzone and those dudes never come out, lol. There were some guys that I was never attracted to at all but they were cool people...they ended up in the friendzone. Then there were others who might have been ok but I knew at the end of the day they weren't about shyt so they also ended up in the friendzone. Now everyone is in the friendzone.
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Post by Chal™ on Feb 2, 2009 20:51:05 GMT -5
coming up, I was always around guys (shut up, Alc lol). So once i got older, the friend zone was automatic when it came to guys from the neighborhoods. I'll even go further and say i was in the "Just Like Family" zone. Moving ahead to college, the reasons I got for being in the "Friend Zone/Off Limits Box" was because I'm the "Wifey" type. Guys would always tell me that I'm the type of chick they'd settle down with once they were done hoe'n around. Unfortunately, no one really wants to settle down in college. lol
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Post by DamieQue™ on Feb 2, 2009 22:16:37 GMT -5
coming up, I was always around guys |
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Post by Chal™ on Feb 2, 2009 22:34:07 GMT -5
coming up, I was always around guys You hursh up, Damie. lol |
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Post by Warner Fite on Feb 3, 2009 13:11:12 GMT -5
I have a friendzone and those dudes never come out, lol. There were some guys that I was never attracted to at all but they were cool people...they ended up in the friendzone. Then there were others who might have been ok but I knew at the end of the day they weren't about shyt so they also ended up in the friendzone. Now everyone is in the friendzone. But just "Friends" and " The Friend-Zone" two- different things? |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Feb 3, 2009 13:52:14 GMT -5
I have a friendzone and those dudes never come out, lol. There were some guys that I was never attracted to at all but they were cool people...they ended up in the friendzone. Then there were others who might have been ok but I knew at the end of the day they weren't about shyt so they also ended up in the friendzone. Now everyone is in the friendzone. But just "Friends" and " The Friend-Zone" two- different things? FOR ME yes. Guys in the friend zone were those that I would never ever even want to look at in a non-platonic way. They are ok to hang around but the thought of being more is just wrong...for different reasons. Then there were the guys who were just friends where maybe someday there could have been something. There might have been some suttle flirting or something. I label almost anyone a friend though but there is a difference in the type of friend. I've got friends from college, sorority sisters as friends, college friends, good friends, REAL/true friends (not many of these) etc. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Feb 3, 2009 13:52:57 GMT -5
Here's what I'd like to know...
...are there any dudes here who have worked their way out of the FriendZone without destroying the friendship? I have never seen it happen.
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Post by THE emPRISS on Feb 3, 2009 14:06:56 GMT -5
Here's what I'd like to know...
...are there any dudes here who have worked their way out of the FriendZone without destroying the friendship? I have never seen it happen.  If you are out of the friendzone then doesnt that kinda imply that you are still friends plus more? |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Feb 3, 2009 14:34:01 GMT -5
Here's what I'd like to know...
...are there any dudes here who have worked their way out of the FriendZone without destroying the friendship? I have never seen it happen. If you are out of the friendzone then doesnt that kinda imply that you are still friends plus more?
FriendZone = we're friends just won't ever be romantic
Work your way out of FriendZone = trying to pursue some romantic interest even though other person feels it will never be romantic
So that you end up
outside the FriendZone = not romantic and not even friends anymore |
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Post by QueenOH on Feb 3, 2009 14:39:57 GMT -5
Friendzone = anyone whom I feel a bond with that is non-romantic
Outside friends zone = acquaintances, creepy people, stranger
Frienemy zone = Damie, Cams
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Post by DamieQue™ on Feb 3, 2009 14:43:01 GMT -5
Friendzone = anyone whom I feel a bond with that is non-romantic
Outside friends zone = acquaintances, creepy people, stranger
Frienemy zone = Damie, Cams
Nessa Zone = Queen
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Post by QueenOH on Feb 3, 2009 14:50:17 GMT -5
*kick damie in the shin*
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Post by THE emPRISS on Feb 3, 2009 17:10:00 GMT -5
If you are out of the friendzone then doesnt that kinda imply that you are still friends plus more?
FriendZone = we're friends just won't ever be romantic
Work your way out of FriendZone = trying to pursue some romantic interest even though other person feels it will never be romantic
So that you end up
outside the FriendZone = not romantic and not even friends anymoreThe only way a dude will wind up outside of the friendzone due to trying to work himself out, is if he cant handle just being a friend. In my experience, that's what happens. If he wants more and cant get it, then he's like F you all together...which probably means he was never a friend to begin with and hence, for me, never wouldve been dating material either. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Feb 3, 2009 17:54:26 GMT -5
The way I was looking at it was
FriendZone = we're friends just won't ever be romantic
Work your way out of FriendZone = trying to pursue some romantic interest even though other person feels it will never be romantic
So that you end up
outside the FriendZone = not romantic and not even friends anymore The only way a dude will wind up outside of the friendzone due to trying to work himself out, is if he cant handle just being a friend. In my experience, that's what happens. If he wants more and cant get it, then he's like F you all together...which probably means he was never a friend to begin with and hence, for me, never wouldve been dating material either.
So dude "jumps out the window" and then one of three things happen.
1. You jump with him
2. You tell him there's no haps: he gets mad and rolls out
3. You tell him there's no haps: and he persists
That last one is HIM trying to get out of the FriendZone - but doesn't that destroy the friendship? I can't see him Home Depot-ing yo a$$ over and over and you keep finding him "parking space" in the FriendZone. If that's what you're saying - let me go ahead and give you a pre-emptive Phooey Ba Hum Bug and tell you to come back with more people next time  |
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Post by LejaOMG on Feb 3, 2009 17:57:47 GMT -5
what about telling him there's no haps: he accepts it?
he tried to get out the friendzone. It didn't work. Friendship still in tact.
Does this not count?
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Post by DamieQue™ on Feb 3, 2009 18:00:10 GMT -5
what about telling him there's no haps: he accepts it? he tried to get out the friendzone. It didn't work. Friendship still in tact. Does this not count?
That's not even a joke - I'm seriously asking does it ever happen? I concede that it's mathematically possible - it's just a sociological big foot to me... I've heard people talk about it, but I ain't never seen it |
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Post by LejaOMG on Feb 3, 2009 18:11:58 GMT -5
Yes. It has everything to do with the methods he employs in trying to get out of the friendzone. I mean, if you grab me and kiss me in Lowe's or Sears or anywhere and I tell you there's no haps, your ego is so invested that I can see why you would have to either dip or keep trying. If your method was less wack, a mature level-headed convo (which doesn't hurt any feelings but actually weighs the relevant issues) could ensue. The friendship could survive a fleeting "hey, what if we got together" convo.
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Post by Bunny Hop on Feb 3, 2009 18:13:12 GMT -5
I stuck a guy in the friend zone a long time ago when I realized that he was cool but I just didn't not see him as anything more. I just enjoyed his company. He stopped talking to me quick, fast and in a hurry when I told him that in so many words. It's funny to think about it now.
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Post by nsync on Feb 3, 2009 18:32:06 GMT -5
I've seen it happen twice. Once for me where it was different, but still intact for the most part. Once for another--seems like it's working just great for them. Im sure there are others. what about telling him there's no haps: he accepts it? he tried to get out the friendzone. It didn't work. Friendship still in tact. Does this not count?
That's not even a joke - I'm seriously asking does it ever happen? I concede that it's mathematically possible - it's just a sociological big foot to me... I've heard people talk about it, but I ain't never seen it |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Feb 3, 2009 18:52:09 GMT -5
Yes. It has everything to do with the methods he employs in trying to get out of the friendzone. I mean, if you grab me and kiss me in Lowe's or Sears or anywhere and I tell you there's no haps, your ego is so invested that I can see why you would have to either dip or keep trying. If your method was less wack, a mature level-headed convo (which doesn't hurt any feelings but actually weighs the relevant issues) could ensue. The friendship could survive a fleeting "hey, what if we got together" convo.
Grabbing and kissing a lady is NOT okay - especially at Lowes and Sears...
*Taps pencils on pad and thinks for a moment*
Must have something to do with power tools... I'll have to investigate
Fair enough Leja... your scenario is theoretical one that could work - I just don't see that scenario that you laid out unfolding. This is the scenario I see. Starring everybody's favorite Zeta (unless you're partial to Southie which I could understand) Leja and Just-A-Friend-Niccuh #1 - as told from the view of Just-A-Friend-Niccuh #1
So umm... Leja... like hey what if we got together - not for real - but um... you know... just what if on some Twilight Zone ish... what if you and me... - Oh...
No....
not feeling that....
I'm not that kind of dude for you...
...I'm just a really good friend... yeah I kinda see that...
...yeah that's cool... I mean I understand...
...naw naw... you're right... it's better this way...
...no for real we have this incredible friendship and if we do more we mess that up right...
...no I completely agree... stupid idea...
...you know I don't know why I brought it up... you know I be doing those ill hypotheticals right? Ha Ha...
... no I'm completely alright with that... 100% on board with you... this is where it's at
...yep - where it's at...
...yeah
....so umm...
...so hey did you uh... did you... did you ever get that door handle fixed... cause...
... you know - you don't want to let that problem linger... cause...
...you know... door handle's nothing to play around with...
...cause people could get hurt and all - I saw something on National Geographic once about that...
...dude got really messed up... yeah...
...National... Geographic... so....
...wow it's really quiet in here... you must have really good insulation eh? Hey is it 6:00 already?
...you know what... I actually gotta bounce... no no no... I just need to roll out... I got some stuff left at the house....
...huh? No everything's cool...
Naw everything's cool... why wouldn't it be?
Eh?
Oh you talking about what I had said earlier...? I forgot about that 5 minutes ago No for 'real though I was really about to bounce...
...huh?
Man will you let that go... I'm telling you everything's fine... it's all good...I'll be around still
...naw I'll be around...
We still going to the movies right?
Yeah... SpiderMan 4 - see nothing's changed... we're still good...
...alright... tell you what I'll give you a call... naw actually... let me shoot you a text... cause... e-mail... I'll send you a e-mail... you cool with e-mail?... E-mails good right?
...alright so I'll check you out later right?
Alright... I'll holla
*Dap*
Leja NEVER sees Just-A-Friend-Niccuh #1 ever again - not even on Facebook.
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Post by QueenOH on Feb 3, 2009 20:08:53 GMT -5
That happened to me and one of my guy friends before I was married he asked me why we never got together. I told him I only liked him as a friend. I haven't heard from him since
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Post by THE emPRISS on Feb 3, 2009 20:21:00 GMT -5
The only way a dude will wind up outside of the friendzone due to trying to work himself out, is if he cant handle just being a friend. In my experience, that's what happens. If he wants more and cant get it, then he's like F you all together...which probably means he was never a friend to begin with and hence, for me, never wouldve been dating material either.
So dude "jumps out the window" and then one of three things happen.
1. You jump with him
2. You tell him there's no haps: he gets mad and rolls out
3. You tell him there's no haps: and he persists
That last one is HIM trying to get out of the FriendZone - but doesn't that destroy the friendship? I can't see him Home Depot-ing yo a$$ over and over and you keep finding him "parking space" in the FriendZone. If that's what you're saying - let me go ahead and give you a pre-emptive Phooey Ba Hum Bug and tell you to come back with more people next time Well, that is a situation where he doesnt accept it. He's not being respectful of her feelings if he persists....so he can kick rox. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Feb 3, 2009 21:25:01 GMT -5
Damie. You need help.
But to your point, I have absolutely no problem letting all my friends (both genders) know where they stand with me and I expect the same. If where you stand with me is unsatisfactory to you, you know what to do. Besides a little embarassment and a cooling-off period to regain his "face," thing could get back to normal. I'm sure of it.
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Post by THE emPRISS on Feb 3, 2009 21:38:27 GMT -5
Damie. You need help. But to your point, I have absolutely no problem letting all my friends (both genders) know where they stand with me and I expect the same. If where you stand with me is unsatisfactory to you, you know what to do. Besides a little embarassment and a cooling-off period to regain his "face," thing could get back to normal. I'm sure of it. Pretty much! |
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If you are out of the friendzone then doesnt that kinda imply that you are still friends plus more? 
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