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Post by **Dea** on Dec 21, 2008 1:06:26 GMT -5
So, yesterday I met up with my old "crew" and while I had a BLAST something was bothering me and is still bothering me......
About 4 years ago, my group was a steady 15 strong. An all female group made up of athletes, leaders, bandies, etc. We were tighter than tight and thick as theives. At dinner last night there only sat 4 women. Now, more are still in the group but they couldn't make it out. But that number only grows to about 6 with them.
This really hurts me because, being the center of the group I feel its partly my fault for either not keeping up with certain people or falling out with certain people causing them to lose love for the others. The situation are so bad that NONE of them talk to each other unless I'm there. They basically live lives outside of each other, outside of our bond behaving as if each other didn't exist until I come home and call them and we meet up.
I know friends grow up and grow apart...or at least thats what I'm told....
Like I know people are once bound at the hip to their LBs/LSs and as time passes they only end up with 2-3 folk.
But, i guess my question to you is, how hard do you try to stop the decaying effect to your groups? Is it possible? Or do you just have to Let go, and Let God?
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Post by DamieQue™ on Dec 21, 2008 1:28:07 GMT -5
The people who I call my friends, not associates but friends, I work on maintaining. In fact I'll be working on a few people in the near future with whom I have been playing phone tag. But your actual question was about the decay of the group. I'd play the role of peacemaker if appropriate, but at the end of the day my opinion is that you can't make people like each other... you can only really directly influence YOUR friendship with a person (and then you only control half of that equation).
If the crew just can't stay together what can you do? It's not your fault that they aren't talking to one another - they're being lazy (if you ask me) by waiting for you to come home to bring them back together.
It's noble that you want to keep the crew - but sometimes you gotta get rid of a few Eddie Cains
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Post by **Dea** on Dec 21, 2008 1:41:55 GMT -5
Pause:
"Yall sure yall wanna hang wit ol Eddie Kane?"
LMAOOOO!!!!!
: Play
Yeah...i hear ya Mista
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Post by LogAKAlly <3'n Keef on Dec 21, 2008 2:52:38 GMT -5
Yeah...what he said.
LOL
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Post by Highly Favored on Dec 21, 2008 15:14:00 GMT -5
I think some growing apart is to be expected as time goes on. My closest and dearest friends from high school and college are not my closest and dearest friends today. I still love them and we still communicate from time to time, but our relationships have changed. Still, even though we don't have the close relationships we once had, they've never asked anything from me nor have I ever asked anything of them that wasn't done.
I think you should do what you can and let the rest go. The responsibility for holding everything together should not be yours alone. There's only so much you can do.
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Post by frozenmenace on Dec 21, 2008 17:41:10 GMT -5
Friendships diminishing can be a blessing in disguise.
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Post by Bunny Hop on Dec 21, 2008 20:16:45 GMT -5
I agree with what Damie said.
And to add...if people who aren't talking because of a falling out that only involved you and one other person is something you can't fault yourself for. I have never been able to stand stuff like that...you should NOT have to take sides and lose friends for things that have nothing to do with you.
If people are not keeping touch then that's their fault. It sucks to feel like you're always the one in the middle but it should not take your presence to keep people together that call themselves friends.
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Post by Don't Be A Victim on Dec 21, 2008 21:54:28 GMT -5
My friends from high school try to keep in contact but I just be to busy. I'll try and make plans but then one of my jobs will call and say we need you to come in or some foolishness like that. Then I see the pics on myspace and facebook and feel  I doubt if I'm going 2 get to chill with them before the year is out but definitely before I go back to school, even if I have o take off work. |
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Post by Cambist on Dec 22, 2008 7:51:29 GMT -5
Friends never truly separate, the tie that binds simply get's longer. ;D I have friends from High School that I hadn't spoken to in over 7 years but we got together one holiday and it was like we had never been apart. Think about that and consider that all of us are married with kids, careers and/or degrees, etc....You can see the pictures on facebook (I believe) So all is not lost. Sometimes people just enjoy different things and go in different directions. Don't fret....if you guys were really friends then th Here's an adinkra for you. Odo Nnyew Fie Kwan |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Dec 22, 2008 8:18:22 GMT -5
Friends never truly separate, the tie that binds simply get's longer. ;D I have friends from High School that I hadn't spoken to in over 7 years but we got together one holiday and it was like we had never been apart. And these are what I call real friends. They understand you don't have to grow up and grow apart |
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Post by Highly Favored on Dec 22, 2008 9:22:08 GMT -5
I agree with what Damie said. And to add...if people who aren't talking because of a falling out that only involved you and one other person is something you can't fault yourself for. I have never been able to stand stuff like that...you should NOT have to take sides and lose friends for things that have nothing to do with you. If people are not keeping touch then that's their fault. It sucks to feel like you're always the one in the middle but it should not take your presence to keep people together that call themselves friends. I agree. |
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Post by MochaD on Dec 22, 2008 9:42:37 GMT -5
Let go, and Let God!!!
That's just life B! Sounds like your friends might be your friends but obviously they aren't really friends to each other. Speaking for myself, I tend to be the glue that brings my crew together and if I don't make the effort then it probably won't happen. I'm currently single (unmarried) no kids and I tend to have time for more extra curricular activities than those of my friends who are married with children. I totally understand. With each of us living busier lives than when we were just going to school and our only concern was passing a class and waiting for the refund check to come just in time to pay for "xyz"...now, we have WAY more responsibilities than we ever knew. There is no way to do what we used to do. Also, as we get older our needs change. I used to LOVE to go to the clubs. WHAT? Now, that is the LAST place I'd prefer to spend my spare time. Change B! Change!! It's natural...
TRUE friends never truly separate, the tie that binds simply get's longer.
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Post by dappa on Dec 22, 2008 11:37:17 GMT -5
Friendships diminishing can be a blessing in disguise. word |
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Post by Highly Favored on Dec 22, 2008 11:48:40 GMT -5
Let go, and Let God!!! That's just life B! Sounds like your friends might be your friends but obviously they aren't really friends to each other. Speaking for myself, I tend to be the glue that brings my crew together and if I don't make the effort then it probably won't happen. I'm currently single (unmarried) no kids and I tend to have time for more extra curricular activities than those of my friends who are married with children. I totally understand. With each of us living busier lives than when we were just going to school and our only concern was passing a class and waiting for the refund check to come just in time to pay for "xyz"...now, we have WAY more responsibilities than we ever knew. There is no way to do what we used to do. Also, as we get older our needs change. I used to LOVE to go to the clubs. WHAT? Now, that is the LAST place I'd prefer to spend my spare time. Change B! Change!! It's natural... <b>TRUE</b> friends never truly separate, the tie that binds simply get's longer. Well stated. |
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Post by No Screen Name on Dec 22, 2008 21:58:55 GMT -5
Dea, I think that is to be expected. It seems like every few years I have a new "crew"--some group of people that I'm really, really tight with. Nothing happened with any of my old "crew"--life just happens, and we grow apart. Folks move, get married, have kids, or just change their focus in life. It took a long time for me to accept this, and for a while I took it hard as a friendship "faded".  But folks are in your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime.  |
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 15, 2012 13:56:50 GMT -5
I find this happening to me today..I grew up and trust plays a role. i know life happens but its something about losing trust.
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But folks are in your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. 
