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Post by MochaD on May 27, 2008 14:01:22 GMT -5
Y'all just need to talk. Clear the air. If the Warden says it's cool than take the opportunity and get those unanswered questions answered. Curious minds obviously want to know. Don't know what it would change except a peace of mind. I agree with Troof, leaning on GOD for answers is the BEST thing. It helped me tremendously through my break up. I created closure for myself because honestly it was nothing dude could have told me that would have changed ANYTHING. It was what it was. It wasn't meant to be and he moved on and I moved on. No need to cry over spilled milk and the stained carpet had been taken up and tossed out so...That's just life. No one EVER promised happy endings. When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!!  |
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Post by Search1906 on May 27, 2008 14:49:35 GMT -5
LOL! Thanks Troof. (how you been lady?) @ Z...I don't really think she has been festering over this for this long but during this time we were looking after our friend...maybe something she thought was gone just reared it's bothsome head. Y'all just don't know...Back in the day...dating Cam could have been a mental health hazzard with long lasting effects. LOL! I'm just kidding.... Um Cam check my siggy. DARN IT!!!! I'm chaning my name yet again. WTH!!!!!! |
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Post by QueenOH on May 27, 2008 15:56:26 GMT -5
lol
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Post by LejaOMG on May 27, 2008 21:06:04 GMT -5
and for God's sake, APOLOGIZE.
None of that "I'm sorry you feel that way"..."I didn't mean it" BS. Obviously, you contributed to her pain. If it's true that you're friends, then you should be at least somewhat remorseful (if not regretful) about that. Be humble. Despite the fact that you don't technically "owe" her anything and that she does indeed need to take some agency in her own healing process, give her whatever she needs. If it's an apology, don't be too cool to do it.
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Post by Cambist on May 27, 2008 22:12:51 GMT -5
We talked.....i'll have to report tomorrow....I need some sleep.....
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Post by Cambist on May 28, 2008 7:06:46 GMT -5
Ok.....this was an experience and I will just hit the highlights.
1. I was wrong.
2. She didn't lie to me (well, at least about the miscarriage)
3. We had both been lied to back then by MANY people during this ordeal. Talk about mis (and lack of) communication.
4. She is not "living in this". It's just that some feelings came to the surface as we discussed a very touchy (and personal) topic. Y'all know how I love to give advice and many of my friends (including her) ask for it often. I gave my opinion and this came up. One off...
5. She was told that she cannot have children
6. I feel like an ass for holding on to this resentment for so long.
7. We are still jet fuel and fire but I love the girl and we will always be friends.
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Post by Highly Favored on May 28, 2008 8:44:40 GMT -5
I'm glad everything worked out. At least now you both know what the other has been thinking/feeling.
The fact that she has been told that she cannot have children makes a big difference in this whole scenario. I now understand her behavior better.
Don't beat yourself up about what you didn't possibly know and/or understand.
I'm glad you all can move forward as friends. Just because a more serious relationship did not work out doesn't mean that a friendship won't. Too many people make the mistake of automatically assuming that.
And, kudos to your wife for being so understanding and secure in her relationship with you that she would even agree that it was good for the two of you to revisit this. She sounds very special.
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Post by Cambist on May 28, 2008 9:10:50 GMT -5
I liken it to you having a very sweet dog who you love and they love you. But when it hurt it's leg and you tried to touch it....the dog snapped at you. Not out of anger but out of pain.
The Warden was cool about it because she also knows that this is a jet fuel and fire situation. We have all known each other and been friends since freshman year of college. As a matter of fact, they were friends first (a WHOLE different story)
It really was sad to find out she cant have children.
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Post by Bunny Hop on May 28, 2008 10:56:09 GMT -5
I'm sad about her not being able to have children, I could not imagine how it feels to learn something like that.  And I am glad it worked out and to learn that she wasn't living in it. As far as #3...PEOPLE SUCK and need to get some business! |
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Post by 123Diva on May 28, 2008 11:04:08 GMT -5
Ok.....this was an experience and I will just hit the highlights. 1. I was wrong. 2. She didn't lie to me (well, at least about the miscarriage) 3. We had both been lied to back then by MANY people during this ordeal. Talk about mis (and lack of) communication. 4. She is not "living in this". It's just that some feelings came to the surface as we discussed a very touchy (and personal) topic. Y'all know how I love to give advice and many of my friends (including her) ask for it often. I gave my opinion and this came up. One off... 5. She was told that she cannot have children 6. I feel like an ass for holding on to this resentment for so long. 7. We are still jet fuel and fire but I love the girl and we will always be friends. Good stuff Cam. Losing a baby is very traumatic, painful experience. Also something to remember is that good, sincere people are just as capable as hurting a person, as the next person. We have all hurt someone before and in some cases, we didn't even realize it. Nonetheless, I hope that she really is able to move on now, for her own well-being. |
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Post by Southie on May 28, 2008 11:14:40 GMT -5
I have not read the entire thread, but holding in emotions is not a good look. To me its another form of passive agressive behavior, (which is something that I hate!). Why remain bitter? Why not just express your thoughts and then move on. Thirteen years later! That is crazy.
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Post by BrnSuga on May 28, 2008 14:50:36 GMT -5
Wow! See, this just goes to show that not all women are bitter.
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Post by Cambist on May 28, 2008 15:09:34 GMT -5
*grrrr* @ Brn chiming in all late and stuff...
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Post by BrnSuga on May 28, 2008 15:57:11 GMT -5
LOL!!!! Take heed young man. Take heed to my wisdom. *snickering*
<===glad not to have this type of relationship with my ex
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Post by Cambist on May 29, 2008 7:04:14 GMT -5
Its a good relationship actually.
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Post by BrnSuga on May 29, 2008 11:50:53 GMT -5
I know it is. I just don't think that I could have that kind of relationship with any of my exes. Not that the relationships ended on a sour note but, I just don't think it would work out. I think that's wonderful that you can maintian that type of relationship with her.
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Post by Cambist on May 29, 2008 12:33:12 GMT -5
Once my woman...always my woman.
Ok..that was a bit dramatic. In most cases, my exes and I are still friends. In once case, we choose not to communicate....ever. Not that we don't like each other. We just....anyway.
There are a few who hold a special place in my heart though. And even though they may make me itch or increase my blood pressure, I have a connection with them that is life long. That's just me. I'm wierd like that.
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Post by BrnSuga on May 29, 2008 12:36:24 GMT -5
<====Glad that she holds a special place in Cami's heart.
LOL!
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Post by Cambist on May 29, 2008 12:40:12 GMT -5
You sure do. Check your text!
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Post by MochaD on May 29, 2008 13:01:29 GMT -5
I have tried to maintian relationships with my ex's but being that I've only had two that has been impossible. The first one I thought we were cool until I found out his girlfriend didn't like me and smiled in my face but behind close doors gave him drama. She couldn't hide it for too long and it spilled over and I had to check her. That wasn't pretty. My last ex was became a stranger at the end of our relationship and at the worse and lowest point in my life he kicked me while I was down so I have grown to forgive him but I will NEVER forget and although I wish him well I have no desire to anything (see, hear, know, etc.) him ever again. Him and I weren't friends to begin with, we just happened. My 1st ex though, we were really good friends and although I miss him dearly, I wish him and his now wife the best and know that us no longer communicating is in everyone's best interest and I pray for peace in his home. Because had he continued to talk to me they would in the end argue about it. Not cool!
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Post by Search1906 on May 29, 2008 13:42:09 GMT -5
Doesn't think my wife would like any of my exes having a special place in my heart. She isn't insecure but she isn't into that kinda kumbaya type stuff with exes. I have to say I'd be the same way. They are an ex for a reason. LOL
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Post by Cambist on May 29, 2008 14:26:27 GMT -5
I don't think she'd let me go on a trip with her or anything but we were all friends before so....
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Post by BKupInHere on May 31, 2008 23:46:32 GMT -5
<---wishes she saw this thread earlier
<---is in a NEW relationship with an ex (from 1997)that I SWORE I would "cuss out on sight"
<---is in an 180 degree BETTER relationship because we BOTH had 10 years to grow and LOVE OURSELVES before WE could do the same for each other
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