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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 12, 2012 13:45:40 GMT -5
Here you go ladies... So my goal is to be pregnant by the end of this year.. Is it wrong to take sperm applications and ask for psychological testing after approval? Also I need background references from for baby mamas and or jump offs. I will be 30 this year... I mean if the man wants to be apart of the childs life..Im more open than I was before.. I use to want to get married but did yall know he comes "home" everyday and sleeps with you? That thought gave me a mild panic attack Ms. Lady we need to get you around some positive motivators ASAP before your mind gets warped . You are young and have an entire life to live. A man and baby will come when time is right....be patience. Don't listen to folks talking crazy bout you need to hurry up and have kids they are probably just jealous and wish they could have the life you live. Do we need to start a thread for you!!! Its not anyone rushing me..Its something that I generally want... Not a relationship per se...Havent had any luck with things like that..but I do want children and Im opposed to people who are 35 plus having children because its not fair to the child that in their 20's they may be taking care of you is it fair to the child to purposely bring them into a home life that doesn't have a fully staffed parenting "team?" What do you consider fully staffed?!?! A single mom whose husband was in war and she had to raise it on her own. A woman who was raped and doesn't believe in abortion. A woman who adopts a child out of love. 2 parents doesn't make for a "fully staffed" team. |
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 12, 2012 13:47:05 GMT -5
Wale Magic!!
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 12, 2012 13:48:48 GMT -5
Im for it..I believe it you are at a point to support the child..Why not?
I know so many strong single woman AA/ and caucasian opting for single motherhood and I see nothing wrong with that. I feel at least its voluntary instead of involuntary
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 12, 2012 13:54:59 GMT -5
I think our people are so used to "making things work" and "doing our best with what we've got" that we are no longer attached to certain worthwhile community standards. Yes, of course, a single parent could (and in many cases do! s/o to the single moms on the board) make a valiant effort of raising a child into a successful and well-adjusted person. Raising a child is already the biggest responsibility a person/couple can undertake. But single parenthood is a hurdle--for parent AND child. Plain and simple. Purposely depriving a child of the positive experiences that come along with having two caring and loving parents in order to cure one's own boredom/loneliness? I think it borders on irresponsible.
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 12, 2012 13:58:13 GMT -5
But who is to say that the person is bored or lonely?
Who is to say that having to parents is a great experience? I know many children in this community with two parents. Two parents that ( the mother is getting beat) two parents (where the father is molesting them) two parents (where the mother is on drugs)
You can't lump people into a whole.
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Post by QueenOH on Mar 12, 2012 13:59:03 GMT -5
I don't like kids
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 12, 2012 14:00:19 GMT -5
And in all honesty I can't speak for everyone but for me.
I feel thats my next step approaching 30 and out of school. Children is what I want and I know I can and will be a great mother with or without a man.
Single paretnhood doesn't just plague the african american community nor is something Im saying so far fetched the cauasian community does it all the time.
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Post by QueenOH on Mar 12, 2012 14:01:41 GMT -5
And in all honesty I can't speak for everyone but for me. I feel thats my next step approaching 30 and out of school. Children is what I want and I know I can and will be a great mother with or without a man. Single paretnhood doesn't just plague the african american community nor is something Im saying so far fetched the cauasian community does it all the time. I was a single mother for 4 years. Kids aren't that great. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 12, 2012 14:04:40 GMT -5
You can't lump people into a whole. I can so. I can do whatever I want. Just like you can have a child with or without a man. But should we? No, really though. I'm not saying that every two-parent situation is a good one. Sometimes you set out to start a nuclear family and things go way left. In those cases, you have to make the best of it, and I respect single people who do their best to raise their children. I am saying that I find creating a child ON PURPOSE with no intention to provide a parenting unit to be faulty. It's one thing if the child already exists (i.e. single person adopting an orphan child, etc.) but to create a child out of thin air...just because you want one? Nah. |
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 12, 2012 14:09:57 GMT -5
You can't lump people into a whole. I can so. I can do whatever I want. Just like you can have a child with or without a man. But should we?   Im not laughing with you..but I literally laughed out load... |
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 12, 2012 14:12:03 GMT -5
I'm saying this..if a man wants to be apart Im not going to turn him away but Im not going to make him stay. Any situation I get into now. Im more than willing to try but he must know what I want. If he can handle it cool if not..*there is the door*
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 12, 2012 14:53:48 GMT -5
I can so. I can do whatever I want. Just like you can have a child with or without a man. But should we? Im not laughing with you..but I literally laughed out load... don't you hate when you wanna have an attitude, but the other person makes you laugh? lol |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 12, 2012 14:59:52 GMT -5
I'm saying this..if a man wants to be apart Im not going to turn him away but Im not going to make him stay. Any situation I get into now. Im more than willing to try but he must know what I want. If he can handle it cool if not..*there is the door* so if you meet a man who is interested in you and wants to have a relationship with you but insists that the two of you be married before having children, you'd show him the door? On account of you need to have a baby THIS year or else? |
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 12, 2012 15:06:05 GMT -5
No not this year..but I honestly don't see myself as being married..I gave up on that idea...Sometimes in life you have to be honest with yourself and know what you can and cannot do..Marriage is not in my new vision...but Im not giving up on having children
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 12, 2012 15:54:36 GMT -5
With greatest respect (seriously I hope you don't take this as a shot against you Soul, it's not intended to be) in my opinion, becoming a single parent intentionally really is a selfish enterprise.
You couldn't possibly be doing it for anyone BUT yourself.
- Yes single parents do raise kids successfully
- Yes some "fully staffed" homes don't raise kids properly
- Yes there are legitimate medical reasons for opting to have a kid before your married or with a commited partner (maybe you're just out of time)
But ultimately none of them erase the selfishness of the act of intentionally becoming a single parent. It doesn't mean the child will be unhappy, or a mence to society, doesn't even mean that you will be a bad parent. I'm not talking about the outcomes... I'm talking about the motivations.
That child is undeniably about what YOU wanted and no one else, and it's something I think warrants some introspection and scrutiny. I personally think, that children should be the result of 2 parents choosing to bring life into the world, not so that they can be parents, but for what they can give to the child (and not just in a material sense) but in a spiritual, philosophical, and educational sense. Love, wisdom, knowledge, as well as wealth. Kids should be the result of our desire to GIVE not to RECEIVE. Because ultimately parenting is about giving, not receiving.
Just my opinion. No shots fired. Each person, live life the way you see fit.
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 12, 2012 16:01:44 GMT -5
^ Great response.Made me take a look at my own reasonings for wantings kids or not currently having any.
Everyone tells me "Yyou're 29 and no kids Whats wrong with you?" or "You better hurry up you're not getting any younger"....Pure foolishness!!!
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 12, 2012 16:12:11 GMT -5
I believe that I can give to a child...moreso my own. I do it everyday as a profession. I didnt chose to have a child at 20-29. I chose now. Its fine to say a person is being selfish but then again I say. Its better to be voluntarily wanting than involuntary.
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 12, 2012 16:13:22 GMT -5
Its better to be voluntarily wanting than involuntary. Isn't it better overall to not be wanting at all? |
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 12, 2012 16:15:38 GMT -5
No because your desires are wants....
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 12, 2012 16:16:41 GMT -5
Oh.
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 12, 2012 16:20:23 GMT -5
I can so. I can do whatever I want. Just like you can have a child with or without a man. But should we? Im not laughing with you..but I literally laughed out load... me, too. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 12, 2012 16:30:17 GMT -5
No because your desires are wants....
...selfish?
I wish there was a way I could say it more delicately that didn't come off as judgmental, but I can't. I have to accept that my commentary does not afford me the opportunity to be understanding. It is rigid, and it is judgmental. But that kind of makes my point though. Sometimes it just is what it is Soul, regardless of how we would like to color it. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 12, 2012 16:37:05 GMT -5
I echo Damie (actually he echoes me as I posted first), except I don't mind that my sentiments come off as rigid and/or judgmental.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 12, 2012 16:44:39 GMT -5
I echo Damie (actually he echoes me as I posted first), except I don't mind that my sentiments come off as rigid and/or judgmental. |
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 12, 2012 17:12:19 GMT -5
Soooo a desire/want in career or life is selfish?
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Post by nyunupe on Mar 12, 2012 17:20:08 GMT -5
I think both statments were spoken in good taste and well regarded...
As a divorced parent, marriage too, is about giving. I'm not sure why you're not married, and it doesn't matter, however, the approach to raising a child is much the same as the approach should be in marriage, and that is, unconditional. Though marriage has it's conditions, when approached that way, you're doomed for divorce, so...
when speaking about raising a child as a single-parent, the first thing that comes to mind is that there has to be a hint of selfishness that suppports your decision. When you deny a child two parents under the same roof, you're denying her a healthy childhood and the perpetuation of single household cycling begins...
But I do wish you well. Just the perception that you seem to have room in your heart to raise a child is a good start. You do your best and that just might be good enough. Not idyllically, but who has all the answers anyway....
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Post by nyunupe on Mar 12, 2012 17:24:18 GMT -5
Soooo a desire/want in career or life is selfish? In my opinion, no... but does your decision to have a child revolve around your career? If so, then yes, it's selfish. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 12, 2012 17:26:32 GMT -5
Soooo a desire/want in career or life is selfish?
BTW, Have you noticed how many times you've mentioned and talked about desires and wants? Does that give you pause at all? I mean aren't those desires and wants about YOU?
Better yet let me flip the scenario. If someone asked why you why you should have a child, could you give an answer that didn't involve your wants and desires? |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 12, 2012 17:41:47 GMT -5
Speaking of flipping scenarios. Is there ever a situation where the decision NOT to have children could be seen as selfish?
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Post by Sapphire on Mar 12, 2012 18:35:22 GMT -5
Also flipping the script, would it be selfish for parents who are coupled yet one is dying or has a disease that will most likely be passed on to the child selfish?
In response to GE, I agree that there's some selfishness in wanting to have a child as a single parent. However, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I don't think couples and married folks should have the market cornered on child-rearing... especially when most of them end up divorced any way. (Side note, what say you OO fam about folks shaking up for the purpose of not being a "baby mama" even when their heart isn't in the actual relationship?). GE only you know what's right for you and what you can give to a child's life. But I would say that IMO it would be better to do it with someone that wanted to be involved in the child's life or at least have some good male role models that can fill that role.
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So my goal is to be pregnant by the end of this year..
is it fair to the child to purposely bring them into a home life that doesn't have a fully staffed parenting "team?"
{=}http://s2.images.proboards.com/sad.gif{/=}
Im not laughing with you..but I literally laughed out load...
