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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 11:50:18 GMT -5
How do you handle being friend zoned?
Have you ever had a situation where you were interested in someone, expressed that interest, only to have that interest shot down (in a nice way) and offered friendship instead.
Have you successfully transitioned that interest into friendship?
Did you say I have enough friends thanks but no thanks?
Were you just really confused on how to handle the situation?
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 7, 2012 12:11:44 GMT -5
Good thread. Makes me wish I had something to contribute...
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 7, 2012 12:13:17 GMT -5
well, actually. I do have something to contribute, but I wanna let the question cook awhile before I completely hi-jack the thread
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 12:15:41 GMT -5
I have a contribution but it will need to wait until after lunch.. hopefully someone responds in the intern.
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 7, 2012 12:17:53 GMT -5
Hmmmm, unlike the "oh-so-perfect" residents of the e-world....
How do you handle being friend zoned?
I mean, really, what can you do? If I felt I really have strong feelings for someone who placed and left me there then I would just have to make a conscious decision on whether or not i can deal with on this level. I'd like to believe that if the "zoning" was done open and honestly, rather than a just-let-it-get-there-and-soon-she'll/he'll-get-the-point type of way, I would be more accepting of the situation and move on.
Have you ever had a situation where you were interested in someone, expressed that interest, only to have that interest shot down (in a nice way) and offered friendship instead.
I'm shy. In some ways it feels like a curse, but when it comes to something like this, it can be a blessing. If I'm too shy to say, "Hey, Reign, I'm really feeling you so what you think about us hooking up and trying something new?" I don't have to hear, "You know what, Chal? You're really cool and I like what we have going here. Let's not mess that up and stick with what we know."
I HAVE, however, mentioned having a crush on someone only to have that person go back and tell the guy who, at the time, was crushing on someone else so yea..... friends we are.
Have you successfully transitioned that interest into friendship?
Define successfully. Do you mean friends only and never thought about liking him again. Or able to keep my "feelings" for him at bay and concentrate more on the friendship we're cultivating?
Did you say I have enough friends thanks but no thanks?
Not vocally, but even with me not expressing my feelings to [them], I felt it would probably hurt me more to stick around and see them with the ones they decided to date.
Were you just really confused on how to handle the situation?
Honestly, yes. Part of my reasons for staying quiet is because eventually, I did develop a complex about not being able to get/keep a boyfriend after being dumped those millions of times. I hated the thought of being placed in the friend zone simply because guys wanted a chick that they could eventually smash.
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 7, 2012 12:19:07 GMT -5
I have a contribution but it will need to wait until after lunch.. hopefully someone responds in the intern. I was on it. lol btw, for a twitter squirrel, those sure are a lot of questions. will your attention span allow you to read ALL of the answers or will we be skimming and searching for key words today? lol |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 7, 2012 12:32:59 GMT -5
How do you handle being friend zoned?
I would accept that even light cannot escape a black hole, and resign myself to being friends (and nothing more) forever. Cause that's what it is.
Have you ever had a situation where you were interested in someone, expressed that interest, only to have that interest shot down (in a nice way) and offered friendship instead.
I have had each of these components, but never as a part of a whole. I mean I've been interested in some folks, I expressed interested in some folks, some folks shot me down without me ever getting off the flight deck, some made it clear that friendship was their only goal, but I've never really had them as part of a complete scenario. I wonder if the whole would be greater than the sum of it's part in terms of how "suck a$$" it would be?
Have you successfully transitioned that interest into friendship?
No. It's part of my fuzzy friendship problem. If you were my friend, we had potential energy, and it doesn't go away just because we don't "spring the trap". The friendships didn't end, but they changed, and were never quite the same afterwards. *hunches shoulders*
Did you say I have enough friends thanks but no thanks?
I guess it depends on where you are in life. If you are at the point in your life where you're interested in meeting someone and establishing something, and have identified someone as a "person of interest", I'd think you'd be inclined to say "gracias pero, no". Where you have to be careful is that, for some people, if you don't say "aight I'm out" they'll keep you around to feed their ego, with no intention of ever doing anything but keeping you in the friendzone. Everyone wants to be wanted.
Were you just really confused on how to handle the situation?
$h!t can be awkward, but life is awkward so... I guess you just deal with it the best way you can. But yeah awkward is the operative word here. What happens when you see that person and she is flirting with someone else. I mean is she supposed to stop in order to preserve your feelings or is the onus on you to "just get over it?"
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 7, 2012 12:42:09 GMT -5
for some people, if you don't say "aight I'm out" they'll keep you around to feed their ego, with no intention of ever doing anything but keeping you in the friendzone. I do this. I'm working on it. |
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Post by Southie on Mar 7, 2012 12:53:20 GMT -5
How do you handle being friend zoned? Have you ever had a situation where you were interested in someone, expressed that interest, only to have that interest shot down (in a nice way) and offered friendship instead. Have you successfully transitioned that interest into friendship? Did you say I have enough friends thanks but no thanks? Were you just really confused on how to handle the situation? In the first instance, I wasn't aware that he was married, so once that was made clear, moving forward as friends/associates was not a problem. In the second instance, I wasn't sure about him, but wanted to find out more, however that did not work out. O.k moving forward. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 13:25:32 GMT -5
OK. I'm back...
Here is my issue with being friend zoned. And as obnoxious of this may sound....
I seriously have an issue comprehending why someone would not want to be with me.
Last year I was friend zoned and it was the most confusing thing ever. Mostly because she was single, I was single, she has a great personality, I... come on you guys know me I'm awesome, She's beautiful, I'm... well come on...
AND... She like spending time with me (which is probably the most confusing part)... Its one thing if we weren't compatible but we were and if you didn't know I was friend zoned you would think I was "in there"
I tried to put my ego in check and just "be friends" because she is a great girl but all those feelings were there and it just made no sense to me. So I ended up being the asshole and just telling her I wanted to put some distance between us. She thought it was messed up but accepted it ...
We speak sparingly...
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 7, 2012 13:29:23 GMT -5
for some people, if you don't say "aight I'm out" they'll keep you around to feed their ego, with no intention of ever doing anything but keeping you in the friendzone. I do this. I'm working on it. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 7, 2012 13:32:32 GMT -5
OK. I'm back... Here is my issue with being friend zoned. And as obnoxious of this may sound.... I seriously have an issue comprehending why someone would not want to be with me. Last year I was friend zoned and it was the most confusing thing ever. Mostly because she was single, I was single, she has a great personality, I... come on you guys know me I'm awesome, She's beautiful, I'm... well come on... AND... She like spending time with me (which is probably the most confusing part)... Its one thing if we weren't compatible but we were and if you didn't know I was friend zoned you would think I was "in there" I tried to put my ego in check and just "be friends" because she is a great girl but all those feelings were there and it just made no sense to me. So I ended up being the asshole and just telling her I wanted to put some distance between us. She thought it was messed up but accepted it ... We speak sparingly... |
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 7, 2012 13:35:27 GMT -5
I seriously have an issue comprehending why someone would not want to be with me. i love this! lol |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 13:36:02 GMT -5
^^^ yeah that ish is tough to swallow though...
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 13:37:48 GMT -5
I seriously have an issue comprehending why someone would not want to be with me. i love this! lol I just feel like they missing out.... lol |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 7, 2012 13:41:32 GMT -5
So I ended up being the asshole and just telling her I wanted to put some distance between us. She thought it was messed up but accepted it ... You actually told her that? And specified that it was because she didn't want to be with you? I would never have spoken to you again. For a bunch of reasons. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 13:45:10 GMT -5
Those were not my specific words... It was more like..
"Look I like you, I'm trying to be your friend but I can't stop liking you. I need some time to try and get myself together. Hanging around you really isn't making it easy."
Something like that..
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 7, 2012 13:46:14 GMT -5
I'm conflicted. sigh
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 7, 2012 13:48:14 GMT -5
So I ended up being the asshole and just telling her I wanted to put some distance between us. She thought it was messed up but accepted it ... You actually told her that? And specified that it was because she didn't want to be with you? I would never have spoken to you again. For a bunch of reasons. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 13:49:33 GMT -5
You actually told her that? And specified that it was because she didn't want to be with you? I would never have spoken to you again. For a bunch of reasons. girls are mean...  you can't even have time to process ish... |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 7, 2012 13:53:26 GMT -5
I've never been explicitly friend-zoned, but on occasion I've had to come to the realization that "he's just not that into you." It's not usually a problem unless the reason they don't seem to be into me is something I'm already self-conscious about.
Also, my dating/relating standards are super-stringent, like for real. And the VAST majority of dudes (no matter how attractive, how intelligent, etc are going to miss that mark). Therefore, I end up having these hybrid fuzzy friendships for the most part. As I mentioned in another thread, fuzzy friendships aren't problematic for me, but if we both know that the love aspect of this relationship is ultimately not going anywhere, what is either of our motivation to be honest about how we feel? Even when a dude is head over heels for me, he's usually not going to act like it. Afterall, where is his payout?
I say all this ^^ to say that there's a line fine-as-frog-hair between (1) he's totally into you but acting otherwise for some reason and (2) he's actually not into you and would rather just be friends. Even if I'm able to discern between the two, it doesn't mean I immediately know what to do about it as both situations have identical symptoms. And in my experience, they are both incurable.
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 7, 2012 13:54:17 GMT -5
girls are mean... you can't even have time to process ish... nooooooo........ because that's just wrong and you know it. If you didn't you would have included "So I ended up being the asshole." |
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 7, 2012 13:55:45 GMT -5
Yes I have been friend zoned because I didn't want to be in a FWB type situation. I have also put a few people in the friend zone. They were good people we just weren't compatible.
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 7, 2012 13:57:27 GMT -5
girls are mean... you can't even have time to process ish... Girls ARE mean. Even me. But that's not why, lol. For one thing, now that you've clarified the language, I feel a little differently. The way I initially imagined it R: I like you. Are we gonna do this thing? L: How sweet are you? I appreciate that, but I'd much rather keep it simple. R: Huh? Baby, I'm me. L:  R: You seriously don't want to be with me? L: yes, seriously R: Well dig this then, we can't be cool no more. L: but, but-- R: Nope. You brought this on yourself. Good Day. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 14:06:29 GMT -5
girls are mean... you can't even have time to process ish... Girls ARE mean. Even me. But that's not why, lol. For one thing, now that you've clarified the language, I feel a little differently. The way I initially imagined it R: I like you. Are we gonna do this thing? L: How sweet are you? I appreciate that, but I'd much rather keep it simple. R: Huh? Baby, I'm me. L: R: You seriously don't want to be with me? L: yes, seriously R: Well dig this then, we can't be cool no more. L: but, but-- R: Nope. You brought this on yourself. Good Day. dead.. no... I was friend zoned a good two months before I said let's chill out and have some distance.... I gave it a galant effort... but... It was driving me nuts... |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 7, 2012 14:15:40 GMT -5
But still, I've had men pushback because I couldn't give them exactly the sort of relationship they wanted. Twice, I had a good friend of 6+ years come outta the blue hollering about "I love you. I've always loved you. Let's be together."
*record scratches*
Err? What are you talking about? No, of course not. I've never looked at you that way, plus I have my own situation. What are you trying to do here? I didn't go to any extra special friend-zoning process, but that's the way the relationship unfolded after all those years. They both dipped on me citing (this is too hard. I can't just be your friend). I thought that was hella selfish. We were close (I'm talking close) friends and you're down to throw all that away just because I didn't immediately conform to your randomness? At the time, I thought it spoke to their character. I've grown since then, so I can't say how I'd perceive the situation if it happened now.
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 14:19:41 GMT -5
^^^ See that's totally different... That's psuedo trifling....
She knew what I was about when she met me at a friend's bday party.
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 7, 2012 14:21:42 GMT -5
^^^ See that's totally different... That's psuedo trifling.... She knew what I was about when she met me at a friend's bday party. ok, so you weren't actually "friends." So in that case, there was nothing to throw away except potential. And since she wasn't feeling you, the potential may not have actually existed. I don't really have a problem with you taking your leave, then. If anything, she was the one changing the theme of the relationship by suggesting that you all become friends instead of lovers. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 7, 2012 14:26:29 GMT -5
^^^ See that's totally different... That's psuedo trifling.... She knew what I was about when she met me at a friend's bday party. ok, so you weren't actually "friends." So in that case, there was nothing to throw away except potential. And since she wasn't feeling you, the potential may not have actually existed. I don't really have a problem with you taking your leave, then. If anything, she was the one changing the theme of the relationship by suggesting that you all become friends instead of lovers. ^^^ Thank you!!! See I thought I was alone on this island. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 7, 2012 14:32:57 GMT -5
I'm racking my brain trying to think whether I've ever done anything like the girl in Reign's example. I can't think of anything right now EXCEPT
Guy: I like you, let's see where this goes
Leja: Me too, let's
*2 weeks go by, dates ensue, feelings are caught*
G: you're so beautiful and I have real feelings for you. I can't wait until I can express that to you physically
L: what do you mean? we express phyically all the time, silly
G: sex, dear
L: sex? WhoTF said anything about sex??
G: #facepalm
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