Who's At Fault....

[Rare_Commodity]

.....Mother's that spoil & enable their sons or the Absent Fathers that should have taught them to be a man?

I was listening to the radio this morning and they were talking about this subject. I have a strong belief that mothers make their daughters independent and their son's co-dependent. I have a few friends and relatives that allow their mother's to enable their negative behaviors.

Do you think the mothers are too "soft" on their sons and stunt their ability to man up? Or do you think the absent fathers hinder their sons from learning how a man is suppose to act?

[MochaD]

I think it's definitely a combination of both. It has been said that mothers raise their daughters and love there sons and from my personal experiences, including my own, I find this to be true. My mother was sooo much harder on me...and strict and when I would say, "but Gary did <insert something wrong here>" and I would get, "but he's a boy." WTF! It wasn't fair or right but it was what it was. I also believe a boy needs a man to teach him how to be a man. Good topic!

Hello All! Mocha is back!! ..well for now at least

[Noble Work]

First hey Mocha
Second, and you are right.

It is both. And both have or should have an influence on the son and daughter....But with boundaries.

I have to get in my wife's junk about my son sometimes. And I have to tell her "he is a boy let him act as though". I tell her It's time to get him from under her skirt, cut the umbilical cord and let go so that he my grow up. I tell her to let me raise my son (11).

That other day. Okay my driveway is a little steep (up hill). I told my son to take the trash to the curb. That's when it started....attitude....body language all out of wack. I paid no never mind to it. He goes up to the trash can, struggle to even get it to turn in the right direction to descend down the hill. Moaning and groaning at the point. Mrs. Work looks at me...ummm baby don't you think you should help him? Me: he'll be okay. My son does little things to get a reaction out of Mrs. Work so he doesn't have to do it or to counter what I've asked him to do. He acted like this trash can weighed a ton and that it was killing him. Again, she says "he's gonna drop that trash can". Me: "and he gone pick it up to". He get to the bottom and struggle to put it where it should go. I give her that "this is my son let me do this rearing thing" look. She goes in the house. I know she's pissed put I didn't care.

Now another situation. Mrs. Work let the girls scratch her head/scalp. My son has this bad habit of wanting to do and get everything this girls do and get. Time and time again I have told him he's not going to get to do everything his sisters get to do. Contrary to this my wife makes sure if the girls get it, do it then my son gets it, does it. This makes my blood boil. Back to the scalp. So one day my son ask to scratch her head, and she let him. (Has any body seen the movie The Waterboy, Adam Sandler) Yea, you know how he hit those players on other team? Well I saw myself doing that to my son (11). I didn't say anything to my wife to this for about two days. But when the time presented itself...I. WENT. IN. "Don't EVER let him do that again as long as I'm living and shitting". I don't know what upset me the most him asking to do it or her letting him do it.

I know I may have strayed a little but here's my point. Ladies/Mothers/Wives has to yield to that man (whose positive, and loving of course) when it comes to raising their son's who will one day be men. Men/husbands like wise. I can't teach my girls how to do their hair, how to accessorize, you know girly stuff...lol. I can LOVE my girls, support them, show them how a man is suppose to treat them and love them. But when it comes to certain stuff I have to take a back seat to and because it is simply not my place to.

[Rare_Commodity]

@ Level- I laughed so hard as I picture your son faking as he tried to lift the trash can.

Yeah the fault has to be shared 50/50 by each adult when they make their decisions.

[Bunny Hop]

Both.

But I've still seen this mother/son dynamic when the father is in the picture.

[nyunupe]

Nov 7, 2011 13:11:43 GMT -5 Noble Work said:

First hey Mocha
Second, and you are right.

It is both. And both have or should have an influence on the son and daughter....But with boundaries.

I have to get in my wife's junk about my son sometimes. And I have to tell her "he is a boy let him act as though". I tell her It's time to get him from under her skirt, cut the umbilical cord and let go so that he my grow up. I tell her to let me raise my son (11).

That other day. Okay my driveway is a little steep (up hill). I told my son to take the trash to the curb. That's when it started....attitude....body language all out of wack. I paid no never mind to it. He goes up to the trash can, struggle to even get it to turn in the right direction to descend down the hill. Moaning and groaning at the point. Mrs. Work looks at me...ummm baby don't you think you should help him? Me: he'll be okay. My son does little things to get a reaction out of Mrs. Work so he doesn't have to do it or to counter what I've asked him to do. He acted like this trash can weighed a ton and that it was killing him. Again, she says "he's gonna drop that trash can". Me: "and he gone pick it up to". He get to the bottom and struggle to put it where it should go. I give her that "this is my son let me do this rearing thing" look. She goes in the house. I know she's pissed put I didn't care.

Now another situation. Mrs. Work let the girls scratch her head/scalp. My son has this bad habit of wanting to do and get everything this girls do and get. Time and time again I have told him he's not going to get to do everything his sisters get to do. Contrary to this my wife makes sure if the girls get it, do it then my son gets it, does it. This makes my blood boil. Back to the scalp. So one day my son ask to scratch her head, and she let him. (Has any body seen the movie The Waterboy, Adam Sandler) Yea, you know how he hit those players on other team? Well I saw myself doing that to my son (11). I didn't say anything to my wife to this for about two days. But when the time presented itself...I. WENT. IN. "Don't EVER let him do that again as long as I'm living and shitting". I don't know what upset me the most him asking to do it or her letting him do it.

I know I may have strayed a little but here's my point. Ladies/Mothers/Wives has to yield to that man (whose positive, and loving of course) when it comes to raising their son's who will one day be men. Men/husbands like wise. I can't teach my girls how to do their hair, how to accessorize, you know girly stuff...lol. I can LOVE my girls, support them, show them how a man is suppose to treat them and love them. But when it comes to certain stuff I have to take a back seat to and because it is simply not my place to.

Yessir....

[Oldskool]

Nov 7, 2011 13:11:43 GMT -5 Noble Work said:

First hey Mocha
Second, and you are right.

It is both. And both have or should have an influence on the son and daughter....But with boundaries.

I have to get in my wife's junk about my son sometimes. And I have to tell her "he is a boy let him act as though". I tell her It's time to get him from under her skirt, cut the umbilical cord and let go so that he my grow up. I tell her to let me raise my son (11).

That other day. Okay my driveway is a little steep (up hill). I told my son to take the trash to the curb. That's when it started....attitude....body language all out of wack. I paid no never mind to it. He goes up to the trash can, struggle to even get it to turn in the right direction to descend down the hill. Moaning and groaning at the point. Mrs. Work looks at me...ummm baby don't you think you should help him? Me: he'll be okay. My son does little things to get a reaction out of Mrs. Work so he doesn't have to do it or to counter what I've asked him to do. He acted like this trash can weighed a ton and that it was killing him. Again, she says "he's gonna drop that trash can". Me: "and he gone pick it up to". He get to the bottom and struggle to put it where it should go. I give her that "this is my son let me do this rearing thing" look. She goes in the house. I know she's pissed put I didn't care.

Now another situation. Mrs. Work let the girls scratch her head/scalp. My son has this bad habit of wanting to do and get everything this girls do and get. Time and time again I have told him he's not going to get to do everything his sisters get to do. Contrary to this my wife makes sure if the girls get it, do it then my son gets it, does it. This makes my blood boil. Back to the scalp. So one day my son ask to scratch her head, and she let him. (Has any body seen the movie The Waterboy, Adam Sandler) Yea, you know how he hit those players on other team? Well I saw myself doing that to my son (11). I didn't say anything to my wife to this for about two days. But when the time presented itself...I. WENT. IN. "Don't EVER let him do that again as long as I'm living and shitting". I don't know what upset me the most him asking to do it or her letting him do it.

I know I may have strayed a little but here's my point. Ladies/Mothers/Wives has to yield to that man (whose positive, and loving of course) when it comes to raising their son's who will one day be men. Men/husbands like wise. I can't teach my girls how to do their hair, how to accessorize, you know girly stuff...lol. I can LOVE my girls, support them, show them how a man is suppose to treat them and love them. But when it comes to certain stuff I have to take a back seat to and because it is simply not my place to.

Mr. work, I totally agree. We have to let the fathers raise our sons.
My son raced his car when he was a sophomore in high school. At first my son lied, that's a whole 'nother story. Anyway, when the truth finally came out, all I had to say was, PLEASE DON'T BEAT HIM TONIGHT!. I did not try to shield him as some mothers would.
There are other instances, but you get my point.

God gave kids two parents and we should do our respective jobs unless you are handcuffed by being in an "absent parent" predicament..

[ShimmeringSTAR]

God did give them two parents but when one is doing the work for a long time then.........


But I am for a man being able to assist and ladies need to help.

[Sapphire]

Grrrr... this topic pisses me off. Why can't it just be single parents who spoil versus the parent that abandons? Why we gotta attach gender to it? Sigh.

[Sapphire]

Oh, my bad. I see this was an old thread. *mean mugs nynupe* Carry on.