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Post by T-Rex91 on Aug 4, 2011 10:10:16 GMT -5
This thread was oddly enough inspired by Single Ladies.....
Background: Val met a great guy. Put the brakes on any intimacy so they could get to know each other and not rush things. They dated a while and their relationship blossomed and finally she slept with him. He then discloses that he's not interested in marriage or kids but wants her to be his one and only for forever. She exits stage left.
At what point should you come clean with a potential about your relationship dealbreakers? Date one or two? When you feel yourself falling? Before or after intimacy? Some other trigger?
Speak on it.
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Aug 4, 2011 10:46:58 GMT -5
Great thread!
Definately not date one. That should be the meet and greet introduction date just to see if you two "click" and are feeling each other. You don't want to let too much info out for a potential Non-Effing Factor type dude. You just need to know if they want and exclusive relationship or not but not necessarily marriage, kids, and all that stuff. That may scare the person away.
Date two you should continue to get to know each other and continue to slowly reveal important information.
I would wait until date 3 or longer until you decide you are really feeling the person and would possibly want it to be in an exclusive relationship with them.
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Post by LejaOMG on Aug 4, 2011 11:13:03 GMT -5
I don't divulge my dealbreakers. I know what they are for myself and I keep my eyes open for red flags. If I notice a dealbreaker, I move on quietly. No need to make a big fuss. "WHAT?! You don't want children?! Well I cain't do this no more!!" It doesn't take all that.
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Post by Noble Work on Aug 4, 2011 16:14:18 GMT -5
At what point should you come clean with a potential about your relationship dealbreakers?
It depends on what it is. In this scenario that particular "deal breaker" should of been discussed at least by date two. If not by then and if they "dated a while" the subject should of came up between dated and while. "I don't want a wife and children" is not only a deal breaker but life altering if you do want it no matter what. But at least put her on notice early on so that she can make that decision on weather to deal or not. Getting the goods, followed by a surprise such as this is NOT the business.
Husband/wife and children could mean a lot to a person who dreams of it. I say again, if it's not what you want let your potential know.
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Post by LejaOMG on Aug 4, 2011 16:40:01 GMT -5
^^ another good point. If you are marginally aware of the other person's dealbreakers and you fail to divulge them in hopes of getting something you want from them...you have no character whatsoever.
Applies to both genders. For example, one person knows that they never intend to sleep with the other and is aware that this may be a dealbreaker...and continues dating them in efforts to receive expensive meals, lavish gifts, etc then 40 days down the road throws in "oh, btw, I'm celibate. But I still want you in my life. That's cool. Right? Right??" The holdout here sucks at life.
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Post by Bunny Hop on Aug 11, 2011 14:38:32 GMT -5
I don't think you really have to divulge them but there may be a situation where you need to (marriage, kids, and spirituality are some that come to mind).
If they did/said something that was one of mine then I might let them know that we'll have to part and this is why...IDK if I'd actually tell them that it was a dealbreaker though. With that said I have expressed my dealbreakers before just to put it out there and be clear so there won't be any confusion or foolishness later on.
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