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Post by QueenOH on Jul 21, 2011 10:26:18 GMT -5
So in my relationship we ask if the other person is ok with us doing certain things before doing them. This just seems like a way for us not to argue over petty ish.
I will not take pole dancing lesson because Blac is not ok with it. Not because Blac rules my life, but because I take is feelings into consideration.
My friend seemed to have a problem with this (why I don't know) when I mentioned that I had to ask Blac about a trip she wanted to take (I know that Blac is ok with me going, but I wanted him to say no because I don't want to go).
She had the "girl don't let no man rule you" speech ready to go and I'm looking at her with the "this is why your second marriage is not going to work out" eyes.
Do you or have you asked permission from a partner?
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Post by Chal™ on Jul 21, 2011 11:40:28 GMT -5
[while engaged] I won't say that I asked permission as in "can I go?" but we did sit and talk it out. If there was any [legitimate] discomfort on his part I'd reconsider whatever it is I was going to do.
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Jul 21, 2011 14:25:07 GMT -5
@ Queen that makes complete since. When you are in a relationship, engaged, or married you can't just go off doing stuff all willy nilly like a single person would. Like you said it's all about respect for the person, their feelings, and yalls situation. I wouldn't ask can I do XYZ but I would talk to them about it and see how they feel. If they have legitimate reasons why they don't want me to go somewhere or do something I take all that into consideration.
Did your husband say why he didn't want you to do pole dancing? Is it something you thought about trying?
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Post by QueenOH on Jul 22, 2011 7:49:06 GMT -5
Yes
Yes for a minute because I have done different type's of dance
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Post by **Dea** on Jul 22, 2011 8:14:26 GMT -5
My dude does this....he asks me before he does absolutely anything. I do shit, then tell him about it in massive details so he'll have no questions later.
seems to work for us. lol
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Post by Blu on Jul 22, 2011 9:32:52 GMT -5
So in my relationship we ask if the other person is ok with us doing certain things before doing them. This just seems like a way for us not to argue over petty ish. I will not take pole dancing lesson because Blac is not ok with it. Not because Blac rules my life, but because I take is feelings into consideration. My friend seemed to have a problem with this (why I don't know) when I mentioned that I had to ask Blac about a trip she wanted to take (I know that Blac is ok with me going, but I wanted him to say no because I don't want to go). She had the "girl don't let no man rule you" speech ready to go and I'm looking at her with the "this is why your second marriage is not going to work out" eyes. Do you or have you asked permission from a partner? In my marriage, we don't do anything that would make the other feel uncomfortable without having a discussion about it. You'll definitely go further in your relationship when you take the other person's feeling into account. Before marriage, I wouldn't have required as much discussion. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Jul 26, 2011 9:09:55 GMT -5
@chal, how did you determine if it was legitimate concern?
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Post by Chal™ on Jul 26, 2011 9:21:34 GMT -5
I think a legitimate concern would be one where you may be worried about my safety or concerned about the environment I'll be around. Also, something or someplace that isn't disrespectful to you (on my part).
Illegitimate Concerns would be those coming out of jealousy, possessiveness, or just straight up retardation.
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Post by LejaOMG on Jul 26, 2011 10:02:28 GMT -5
but how do you know what's what? The reason I ask, occasionally a man will ask my thoughts about/notify that he intends to do something. Sometimes I'm not ok with it. But the reason sometimes is a matter of intuition. See example:
Him: Babe, I'm tryna go to Blue & White Weekend with Maurice 'nem. Thoughts?
Me: Ummm, IDK Babe. That doesn't sound like a good scene. I'm not really comfortable with it.
Him: I can dig it. Why, exactly are you uncomfortable?
Me: -_-
Can I expect to be taken seriously if I say, "well...I can't put my finger on it, but generally I've heard tales of what goes on down there and while I trust YOU, I'm concerned for your wellbeing and that of your friends. It really would be easier if you just skip it. Please stay home instead. Trust me, my concern is legitimate even if I can't articulate it." I'm assuming not.
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Post by Chal™ on Jul 26, 2011 10:18:40 GMT -5
Hmmm. Tough one. I can see the dilemma here. Hard as it may be, you'd have to find a way to explain it without him hearing "I don't trust you or your friends so stay you tail at home." Not saying this is what you'd mean, but that's pretty much what could be translated out of that statement.
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