The OMNI HOTEL

[Maury]

*Goes in the lab and takes results for himself*

Okay Bigs, you admit that you have had an e-sexual relationship with Ms. Lighthouse. She's had a few partners and so you couldn't be sure if this was your child or not, but -

when it comes to little baby Joshua you

















ARE the father!!!


















*Producers comes over and whispers something in Maurys ear.*

Oh my bad

*Flips paper right side up*

You are NOT!!!! the father. damn this e-dyslexia

[Nupey]

*Annoyed and nervously awaits test results*

[Lighthouse]

**Light completely abandons her more polished/refined demeanor and lets her true North Memphis show**

I wish ya'll would c'mon wit dis. I told Cold he da daddy but he trippin, Mawry.

: pause :
black folks never pronounce his name right.
: play:

[Lighthouse]

**rolls eyes at Nupe**

I'on know why u nervous. You ain't his daddy. He don't have your pointy ears. Look at his earlobe. He has Cold's earlobe.

[Maury]

That leaves only 2 contestants.

*Grabs test results from technicians*

Oh by the way - you all took forever to get me these results - you're fired. Pack your bags and leave the studio now.

*Turns back to Nupe and Cold*

Nupe, you are one of the other paramours of Ms. Lighthouse, you too admit to having an e-sexual relationship with her at one point. And Cold, well I don't have to say anything about your e-relationship with Ms. Lighthouse. It's Legendary. Hell, at one point your relationship was an actual sponsors for this show. Don't ask me how that happened but it did.

*awkward silence*

[Lighthouse]

**rolls eyes at Maury**

Read the test, Mawry. Gone tell Nupe he ain't the daddy.

**snaps fingers and does the Snake in her chair**

[CrimsonENDvy]

[quote author=mp board=gf thread=1204129303 post=1204135151*Flips paper right side up*

You are NOT!!!! the father. damn this e-dyslexia[/quote]

::DEAD::

[Southie]

;D<<writes down info for the E-Tabloids

[Maury]

Anyway

*Opens envelope and reads test*

Nupe when it comes to little baby Joshua -

Precious little baby Joshua -

Little baby Joshua who is just as cute as he wants to be

Little baby Joshua who is photogenic enough to "sell McDonald's fries" in a commercial one day

when it comes to him

Nupe







You










Are


















































NOT the father.

*Tears up the rest of the results*

That means YOU Cold ARE the father. Time for you to be responsible and stop being dead beat. Own up.

Before you even protest let me tell you that our system is fool proof. That's why I tore up the results, there was no need to keep them - like Roger Godell and Bill Bellichek's spygate tapes.

You see here at Maury we do paternity by process of elimination. If there are 4 potential fathers and the first 3 turn out not to be a DNA match, then it has to be the 4th person.

You can see clearly here that you were the 4th person, and the 3 before them were negative. So YOU are the father. Own up.

[Nupey]

*Shimmeys*

See Crimson, I told you I'm not the daddy!

[Lighthouse]

**Cries tears of happiness and gets in Cold's face**

I told ya! I told ya!

**Cranks dat Soulja Boy and Cupid Shuffles all at the same time**

Superman dat h$%!

[CrimsonENDvy]

*hugs Nupey*

[Nupey]

*Nupey gets crunk and walks up to Bigs and lets him know the deal....Bigs gets upset and pulls out a pistol and everyone in the room ducks*


Nupey: Whooa....what the heck man....


Bigs: Yeah nicca, yeah...I shot your dog, now your next....



*Crimson screams*


*Nupey rushes big and tries to take the gun, in the commotion the gun goes off and the room gets quiet......***






Little Joshua is lying on the floor covered in blood struggling to stay alive.........

[Ms. RedamnDickulous]

Here Lies:
Reflection 08 AKA Re Re Jones
PO, MBA, MAED
Ivy Beyond the Wall
Great Taste, Less Filling
VP's Bottom B*tch
Alpha 1976 Omega 2008

@ This entire thread, but damnit that Maury was over the TOP!

[Lighthouse]

**SCREAMS A BLOOD CURTLING SCREAM**

Oh my GOD!!! Someone please call an ambulance.

**cries**

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP MY BABY!

[Maury]

*Hearing gun shots Maury loses him composure*

They shootin' my niccuh, they shootin

*Ducks down while reaching for his piece that he's kept on him ever since that show he did Brooklyn, and licks off a couple of shots in the air*

Bab-y-lon!!!

[CrimsonENDvy]

*screaming*

Oh my God Nupey!!! What did you do??? OMG!!

[CrimsonENDvy]

mp said:

*Hearing gun shots Maury loses him composure*

They shootin' my niccuh, they shootin

*Ducks down while reaching for his piece that he's kept on him ever since that show he did Brooklyn, and licks off a couple of shots in the air*

Bab-y-lon!!!

::DEAD::

[Lighthouse]

**EMTs arrive and take Joshua**

My baby.......I should've never brought you back here!

**Hotel security busts into the room while the studio audience flees**

[Ms. RedamnDickulous]

<---------------------- Resurrects
<---------------------- Slaps the shit outta Maury for being a damn fool
<---------------------- Clutches pearls
<---------------------- Resumes prone position in coffin

[Maury]

Maury reads prepared statement in a safe room with his nickel plated heat still in his hand

Vedic flizzy nark won kudzie julie pop - (pause) what the f#ck does that mean? Dammit you all know I'm dyslexic, would you flip the teleprompter upside down so I can read it.

*Squints at statement*

Okay now I can read it. We wish to express our well wishes to Joshua, his mother, and his father by process of elimination Cold, for a speedy recovery. We also would like to renounce terrorism

*Producer whispers in Maury's ear - he corrects himself*

to renounce Hand gun violence - wait a minute - I'm not against hand guns, I got my heater right here.

*Proucers whispers in Maury's ear again*

Oh okay - we wish to renounce senseless violence. Hope you enjoyed the show. We'll see you next time.

[CrimsonENDvy]

*meanwhile, the cops are interrogating everybody that witnessed the incident*

Cop: So, what exactly happened here?

Crimson: Well, we just found out that Cold was Lighthouse baby daddy. Then Nupey got up all in Bigs face and Big pulled out a gun. Nupey was tryin to get it from him and the gun went off. Joshua got shot. Then Maury went crazy and started shooting too.

*crying*

Crimson: I don't know what the hell is going on!!!!

[Julie Art]

Pause:

I go to lunch and dayum Maury comes, buahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa! This is the OO I love!


Play:

*was hiding in the closet to get away from Damie. Waiting for him to leave so I can sneak out of the room.*

[DamieQue™]

*Is waiting at the door with dogged unstoppable determination. Like Pepe' la Pew. In fact when it comes to the Juicy...*

Call me Pepe' la Que

[Ms. RedamnDickulous]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I gotta stay outta this thread, I am literally screaming out loud.

[Julie Art]

damieque said:

*Is waiting at the door with dogged unstoppable determination. Like Pepe' la Pew. In fact when it comes to the Juicy...*

Call me Pepe' la Que

Pause:


LLLLLLLMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOO I got tears in my eyes, literally!!!!!!!!!!!

Play:

*doesn't see Damie any longer. Figures I can sneak out amongst the commotion. Slowly opens the closet door and sneaks out, heading quickly put quiet towards the door.*

[Nupey]

*Looks around, and heads to car....*

Come on Crimson....lets go....!!!!

[Southie]

<<Need to contact Geraldo, this story is really good!

[goldenepiphany]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
@ The Hospital

[Bigs]

* ran out of the room as soon as the gun went off, jumped back into my 72 Cutlass that Damie left out front and zooms out *