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Post by ceeceedream on Jun 10, 2012 1:20:02 GMT -5
I know someone who was invited to a wedding without a plus one (let's call her Annie). "Annie" is extremely upset because she is involved in a relationship and the person getting married(we will call her Tammy) knows this. "Annie says she and her beau are committed to each other and they should be treated as any other couple. To be fair, "Tammy" is on a tight budget and did not grant any single invitees a plus one.
Should unmarried couples be afforded the same social graces as those who are married?
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Post by **Dea** on Jun 10, 2012 18:02:08 GMT -5
Traditionally, I'd say yes. As a person who recently attempted to plan a wedding and reception I side with the bride. It all comes down to how the person who invites u views u. In my case I only intended to invite my sister as a single. She is in a relationship but I have a really bad relationship with him and my sister is prone to breaking up with guys at the drop of a dime. I refused to invite him. I'm not paying for someone I don't like to eat and be merry. Simple as that.
It's her wedding. She can invite who she wants. And if whoever doesn't like it they can do the bride a favor and not attend! Sorry to be mean but weddings are expensive man!
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Post by ceeceedream on Jun 10, 2012 18:20:37 GMT -5
I would not pay for a none family member I don't like to eat, drink, and be merry either. I don't really feel like Tammy is wrong.
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Post by Noble Work on Jun 11, 2012 11:29:38 GMT -5
If it were an Married couples only wedding then it is what it is.
But if that's the case "Annie" shouldn't of gotten an invite either.
<----confused. Are you saying that Annie's Beau was not invited BECAUSE Tammy knows that Annie is involved in another relationship?
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Post by T-Rex91 on Jun 11, 2012 11:47:46 GMT -5
Work, I read it to mean that Annie and Tammy are friends so she wants her there but Annie's +1 doesn't rate a $150 plate. She's trying to keep her numbers down and the beau isn't really inner circle.
I don't think the core issue is the unfair treatment of unmarried couples but the fact that weddings cost bank and the bride has decided to only invite people she'e close to. If this were a cook out, I don't think the beau would have been excluded. Unfortunately, her wedding her rules and if Annie wants to skip it because she can't bring boo, that's her call.
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Post by 123Diva on Jun 11, 2012 14:10:12 GMT -5
I don't see anything wrong with what Tammy did.
Annie could ask if there was space for her beau. But generally speaking, no plus 1 means 1 person and that should be respected.
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Post by ceeceedream on Jun 11, 2012 16:14:28 GMT -5
I agree with the cookout example. Even if Tammy didn't like the Boo, I am sure she would have invited him had he and Annie been married. The fact is that no matter how committed two people are they are not going to be granted the same privileges as couples who are married in every situation.
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Post by Sapphire on Jun 11, 2012 17:37:37 GMT -5
I think it all comes down to budget. A couple has the right to invite anyone they want to or to omit anyone they chose. However, I would view couples as couples... assuming these are long term relationships and I didnt'hate the SO. For example if I'm living with a guy and we've been together for 3 years I would say he should count regardless of whether or not we have a paper. But as long as Tammy is consisten and not allowing some folks to slide I think it's cool. It's her wedding and she can do what she wants to. Annie can chose to decline and save Tammy another $150 if it bothers her that much.
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Post by Southie on Jun 12, 2012 11:07:50 GMT -5
Its their decision, and not everyone will be happy. I know a few people that invited folks to the ceremony and not the reception.
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Post by Chal™ on Jun 12, 2012 13:23:44 GMT -5
Its their decision, and not everyone will be happy. I know a few people that invited folks to the ceremony and not the reception. and vice versa |
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Post by T-Rex91 on Jun 13, 2012 13:56:01 GMT -5
Part of the reason that marriage rates are at an all-time low is that we treat dating couple like married couples. I don't think the example above is the best one, but we've lost the incentive to marry. For example, when I go visit my brother, my boyfriend and I have to stay in different bedrooms. He wants his daughters to clearly be able to distinguish, married people sleep in the same room, unmarried people don't. Has nothing to do with how long we've been dating, that's a threshhold we haven't crossed. Another example, should common law couples be allowed to participate in the married couples retreat? No, haven't taken vows. There's gotta be some differentiation.
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Post by Chal™ on Jun 13, 2012 15:02:15 GMT -5
For example, when I go visit my brother, my boyfriend and I have to stay in different bedrooms. This! Some claim that the host is being old fashioned, but in truth, this is what's right. At least most family's say separate rooms. Whenever I took my guy home we were either in different houses. He had the option to choose a hotel, but it was CRYSTAL CLEAR that I would be sleeping under somebody's roof WITHOUT him. |
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Post by Southie on Jun 13, 2012 15:14:18 GMT -5
Part of the reason that marriage rates are at an all-time low is that we treat dating couple like married couples. I don't think the example above is the best one, but we've lost the incentive to marry. For example, when I go visit my brother, my boyfriend and I have to stay in different bedrooms. He wants his daughters to clearly be able to distinguish, married people sleep in the same room, unmarried people don't. Has nothing to do with how long we've been dating, that's a threshhold we haven't crossed. Another example, should common law couples be allowed to participate in the married couples retreat? No, haven't taken vows. There's gotta be some differentiation. People that have been together, living together for over 20 years want to be treated as such. My cousin invited her aunt and her very long time boyfriend (25 years) to stay at her place for a family event. They did not sleep in separate bedroom. |
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Post by ceeceedream on Jun 13, 2012 15:33:39 GMT -5
Part of the reason that marriage rates are at an all-time low is that we treat dating couple like married couples. I don't think the example above is the best one, but we've lost the incentive to marry. For example, when I go visit my brother, my boyfriend and I have to stay in different bedrooms. He wants his daughters to clearly be able to distinguish, married people sleep in the same room, unmarried people don't. Has nothing to do with how long we've been dating, that's a threshhold we haven't crossed. Another example, should common law couples be allowed to participate in the married couples retreat? No, haven't taken vows. There's gotta be some differentiation. I mostly agree. I don't think marriage is for everyone and those relationships that are long term, committed relationships should be respected. However, there should be some differences. Some say the relationship is more valuable than a "piece of paper" but that paper exists for a reason. If you don't want to get married that is fine. You should understand that means you cannot enjoy everything that comes along with that paper. Marriage allows your mate to be regarded as your family. |
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Post by ceeceedream on Jun 13, 2012 15:36:16 GMT -5
In short, "Annie" needs to realize that her Boo is not her husband and no one outside of their relationship has to see or treat him as anything besides a boyfriend.
That is how I see it.
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Post by T-Rex91 on Jun 14, 2012 7:58:54 GMT -5
Part of the reason that marriage rates are at an all-time low is that we treat dating couple like married couples. I don't think the example above is the best one, but we've lost the incentive to marry. For example, when I go visit my brother, my boyfriend and I have to stay in different bedrooms. He wants his daughters to clearly be able to distinguish, married people sleep in the same room, unmarried people don't. Has nothing to do with how long we've been dating, that's a threshhold we haven't crossed. Another example, should common law couples be allowed to participate in the married couples retreat? No, haven't taken vows. There's gotta be some differentiation. People that have been together, living together for over 20 years want to be treated as such. My cousin invited her aunt and her very long time boyfriend (25 years) to stay at her place for a family event. They did not sleep in separate bedroom. I guess my point is what the subject wants (let's use your aunt for example), is not relevant. If a host wants to treat an unmarried couple as unmarried regardless of duration, that's their right. Your cousin CHOOSES to allow them to stay there together. My brother CHOOSES to not allow unmarried couples to stay together. The subject doesn't have the right to demand that treatment IMO but if the grace is extended, great. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Jun 14, 2012 20:52:22 GMT -5
good thread. what up 91?
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