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Post by ReignMan19 on Apr 13, 2012 13:08:27 GMT -5
a spin off from the friend zone thread.....
How would you respond if you for whatever reason your spouse decided "they were no longer feeling you like that" and basically friendzoned you in your own marriage? They aren't cheating on you, they aren't even mad at you, but you are getting no sex, not even no spoon action. All they want to do is go out to eat and watch tv with you.
How would you handle this situation?
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Post by Coach on Apr 13, 2012 13:57:52 GMT -5
Interesting enough, my grandmother essentially did this to my grandfather. She even took a a step further and started sleeping in a different room. Granted it was after 13 kids together and numerous affairs on his behalf...they took the "till death do you part" serious, they stayed married.
I dont know how I would act in that situation though.
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Post by QueenOH on Apr 13, 2012 14:14:15 GMT -5
I would be resentful, throw things, make snide remarks, and stock up on toys
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Post by Chal™ on Apr 13, 2012 16:12:35 GMT -5
not sure how I'd handle that. Actually, I do. You wanna act like roommates/buddies. Fine, let's do that. Like Queen, I'd stock on my "collection" of goodies, and when you get that itch, don't come running for me to scratch it. And you'd better not go anywhere else or it is O N on.
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Post by Bunny Hop on Apr 13, 2012 17:33:12 GMT -5
Get out, unless the friendzoned person is ok with it.
There's no point in being in a romantic relationship and having to abide by all of the stuff that comes with one when y'all are just acting like roommates and friends.
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Post by 123Diva on Apr 14, 2012 14:04:56 GMT -5
I'd go into deep prayer about it if it was my husband.
My understanding is that every couple goes through stuff and stages. And that in some cases that includes what Reign has described.
I wonder for how long I could actually deal with it though. At some point I imagine I would throw a tantrum and give an ultimatum. Maybe ignore him...I don't know. Just being honest.
I would not want to live like that forever.
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Post by Coldfront06 on Apr 14, 2012 17:47:40 GMT -5
Get out, unless the friendzoned person is ok with it. There's no point in being in a romantic relationship and having to abide by all of the stuff that comes with one when y'all are just acting like roommates and friends. I agree with this. I would feel like there HAS to be more to life than being glorified roommates. If the person is making no effort to work things out or no effort to communicate, I'd rather divorce than live that way. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Apr 16, 2012 10:50:46 GMT -5
Yes, this is a really crazy situaiton to be in.
Like Diva said, marriages go through stages. So this could go on for 3 months or 3 YEARS. Is your marriage worth saving? Would you be able to weathered the storm until it passes? Will it pass?
and in reference to Cold's comment. You could die waiting for your spouse to feel attracted to you again. Is there more to life than being married ass homies.
I honestly don't know what I would do. But here is a follow up question.
What could happen for YOU to do this in your marriage? Do you think its something your spouse could do that could turn you off?
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Post by LejaOMG on Apr 16, 2012 12:02:00 GMT -5
lol @ "married ass homies"
and to answer the question, yes. If my spouse impregnated someone else (or otherwise demonstrated proof of unprotected sex outside the marriage), I'm pretty sure I'd never let him touch me again. Most likely I would divorce him over such a thing, but there are...factors. If I stayed married to him, I'd eventually forgive him. So I could imagine us being pals at some point. But we need to holla @ some separate rooms, pimp.
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Post by 123Diva on Apr 16, 2012 12:39:01 GMT -5
Yes, this is a really crazy situaiton to be in. Like Diva said, marriages go through stages. So this could go on for 3 months or 3 YEARS. Is your marriage worth saving? Would you be able to weathered the storm until it passes? Will it pass? and in reference to Cold's comment. You could die waiting for your spouse to feel attracted to you again. Is there more to life than being married ass homies. I honestly don't know what I would do. But here is a follow up question. What could happen for YOU to do this in your marriage? Do you think its something your spouse could do that could turn you off? Reign, I think your question presents a different situation that the one this thread is referencing. I think the original post said that the spouse is not mad or anything like that. But, to answer your question, there are MANY things IMO that could result in a couple being this way. This is why relationships are constant work. You can't just put nothing into a marriage or only put negative inputs and expect a great outcome. Womp. Womp. If I am being treated like crap by my spouse eventually I am going to shut down. If he cheats as easy as he breathes, of course he is no longer allowed into my bed. The list can go on and on. I think the bottom line is that if you stay, you gotta put in the work to make it last or "staying" is all for naught. These days when people boast that their parents or grandparents have been together for 30, 40, 50 years, I always wonder what that time was/is like. Full of abuse? Cheating? Disrespect? 30, 40, 50 years together in and of itself does nothing to impress me. In 2 years, my parents would have been together for 40 years, and they don't even like each other. I digress... |
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Post by LejaOMG on Apr 16, 2012 12:59:40 GMT -5
I think the bottom line is that if you stay, you gotta put in the work to make it last or "staying" is all for naught. These days when people boast that their parents or grandparents have been together for 30, 40, 50 years, I always wonder what that time was/is like. Full of abuse? Cheating? Disrespect? 30, 40, 50 years together in and of itself does nothing to impress me. In 2 years, my parents would have been together for 40 years, and they don't even like each other. I digress... All of that. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Apr 16, 2012 14:41:46 GMT -5
Reign, I think your question presents a different situation that the one this thread is referencing. I think the original post said that the spouse is not mad or anything like that. Is it ... i'm not saying that you have to be mad or anything. I'm just interested in how this could happen. Like what is happens to make someone look at their spouse (like life partner) and why like... eh.. don't touch me.. let's just go to the movies instead. I mean when I think of marriage I instantly think of whole heap of sin free sexing.. like.. does it just get old? can something happen to just turn you off? these are questions. |
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Post by Southie on Apr 16, 2012 18:16:28 GMT -5
a spin off from the friend zone thread..... How would you respond if you for whatever reason your spouse decided "they were no longer feeling you like that" and basically friendzoned you in your own marriage? They aren't cheating on you, they aren't even mad at you, but you are getting no sex, not even no spoon action. All they want to do is go out to eat and watch tv with you. How would you handle this situation? Divorce court. |
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Post by Coldfront06 on Apr 16, 2012 20:36:07 GMT -5
I'm like Reign, I see sex and marriage one in the same. If my wife has somehow done something or gotten to the point where I feel no attraction for her, then we need to work on a solution or separate. A sexless marriage aint in the cards for me. What's the damn point? LOL
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Bigs
OOA pledge
Posts: 236
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Post by Bigs on Apr 23, 2012 15:44:32 GMT -5
Interesting topic
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Post by nyunupe on Apr 23, 2012 17:02:14 GMT -5
If you're married, pray and seek counseling....
If a spouse holds out on romance, as usually the case with women, it's ALWAYS about necglect on some level or another. Meaning abuse, infidelity etc...
Men always ask this question, but fail to look in the mirror. My ex was FINE as all get up, but when she pissed me off, I wouldn't fuck her with a dog"s Dick. Women feel the same way when they feel necglected or abused....when they're happy and feeling like the center of your world, the pussy stays wet and ready.
Happy and Horny Wife= Happy and Horny Life
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Post by adisa on Apr 23, 2012 17:58:10 GMT -5
Been there and done that...a lot. LOL. And these days it really ain't that big of a deal. Back in the past, yes it cause all sorts of issues. But these days we just work to keep a proper balance on ourselves as individuals, as a couple, as parents, and careers. So when we slip into friend zone in 2012 it's just "normal". When one of us is ready to enter back in to the romance thing the other responds willingingly.
If none of that makes any sense, well...it doesn't have to. Nothing about marriage makes any sense anyway, and like most things in like you just fake the funk to a certain degree, and act like you know. LOL.
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Post by Noble Work on Apr 25, 2012 16:25:32 GMT -5
Been there and done that...a lot. LOL. And these days it really ain't that big of a deal. Back in the past, yes it cause all sorts of issues. But these days we just work to keep a proper balance on ourselves as individuals, as a couple, as parents, and careers. So when we slip into friend zone in 2012 it's just "normal". When one of us is ready to enter back in to the romance thing the other responds willingingly. If none of that makes any sense, well...it doesn't have to. Nothing about marriage makes any sense anyway, and like most things in like you just fake the funk to a certain degree, and act like you know. LOL. Well I do understand but I don't agree with the whole idea. Yes, married people fall in and out of love. The thing is though they fall in and out of love at different times during the course of the marriage. The hardest things though is when one spouse isn't ready to fall back in love, or not ready to be loved/receive love by that same person anymore. There is another side to it though and I think this is what the thread is aluding to. When the spouse, who wants to be loved isn't getting or receiving the love from the spouse they've been receiving love from, what's a spouse to do? I say go to counseling immediately. And no it doesn't have to be christian/religious counseling. Folks kill me with that. But be ready for what ever. Ok so one spouse says they're not mad, but not having sex (spoon action). Please don't be surprised to know that some spouse(s) may need an exit strategy but just don't know how to deal with it or themselves. This is why counseling is important. To learn how to deal with different outcomes either getting out the marriage or moving forward with the marriage. |
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Post by adisa on Apr 25, 2012 18:31:25 GMT -5
Been there and done that...a lot. LOL. And these days it really ain't that big of a deal. Back in the past, yes it cause all sorts of issues. But these days we just work to keep a proper balance on ourselves as individuals, as a couple, as parents, and careers. So when we slip into friend zone in 2012 it's just "normal". When one of us is ready to enter back in to the romance thing the other responds willingingly. If none of that makes any sense, well...it doesn't have to. Nothing about marriage makes any sense anyway, and like most things in like you just fake the funk to a certain degree, and act like you know. LOL. Well I do understand but I don't agree with the whole idea. Yes, married people fall in and out of love. The thing is though they fall in and out of love at different times during the course of the marriage. The hardest things though is when one spouse isn't ready to fall back in love, or not ready to be loved/receive love by that same person anymore. There is another side to it though and I think this is what the thread is aluding to. When the spouse, who wants to be loved isn't getting or receiving the love from the spouse they've been receiving love from, what's a spouse to do? I say go to counseling immediately. And no it doesn't have to be christian/religious counseling. Folks kill me with that. But be ready for what ever. Ok so one spouse says they're not mad, but not having sex (spoon action). Please don't be surprised to know that some spouse(s) may need an exit strategy but just don't know how to deal with it or themselves. This is why counseling is important. To learn how to deal with different outcomes either getting out the marriage or moving forward with the marriage. Yep, been there done all that too. |
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Post by All Pledging Is Legal on May 14, 2012 19:31:39 GMT -5
Honestly, I don't see the problem.
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