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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 2, 2012 14:23:51 GMT -5
I basically need to tell y'all a story and get y'alls thoughts. Here goes:
Not long ago, I was on vacation. An acquaintance of mine who lives there (ask for more details on how I know this guy if you think it's necessary) invited me to a party he was hosting. I show up to the party and I'm approached by a woman who inquires after the nature of the relationship between me and the host. She then notifies me that they live together and that my very presence at this party is disrespectful. She moved an inch toward me and I reflexively grabbed a beer bottle by the neck. Coulda been ugly.
Plot twist: this guy swore up and down that he was single. In fact, I SPECIFICALLY asked him who that girl was and he looked me right in the face and said he didn't know her.
What I came here for: Some folks say I should have declined the invitation because I should have realized that he was lying about his situation. As you see it, what, if anything should/could I have done differently? Should I have accounted for the possibility that he may have been being dishonest? Tell the truth.
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 2, 2012 14:34:38 GMT -5
eh... yeah you can always take in account a person might be lying but that doesn't mean you should go off their word until proven otherwise... that was trifling... and I'm glad it didn't get ugly
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 2, 2012 14:53:32 GMT -5
Unless I have reason to believe you are lying (I heard conflicting information from a more credible source, you have been caught lying before, etc.) I just take you at your word. Life is too short to be second-guessing everybody. I try to be fairly savy but I've never suffered from "trust issues." This is the first time that approach has backfired. And quite frankly, I don't see what else I could have done (though I am open to suggestions).
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 2, 2012 14:57:11 GMT -5
What I came here for: Some folks say I should have declined the invitation because I should have realized that he was lying about his situation.
Why?
As you see it, what, if anything should/could I have done differently?
Nothing. Unless he has given you a reason to NOT believe him, what else could be done?
Should I have accounted for the possibility that he may have been being dishonest?
What are you suppose to be? A human lie detector test?
Tell the truth.
Truth is, ol girl was wrong. If she felt disrespected, she should have taken that up with him. Approaching you instead of him was out of order.
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 2, 2012 14:58:23 GMT -5
Truth is, ol girl was wrong. If she felt disrespected, she should have taken that up with him. Approaching you instead of him was out of order. which is why she very nearly got buss'd in her head with a bottle... |
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 2, 2012 14:58:42 GMT -5
Ummm...let me gather my words and come back
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 2, 2012 14:58:48 GMT -5
Unless I have reason to believe you are lying (I heard conflicting information from a more credible source, you have been caught lying before, etc.) I just take you at your word. Life is too short to be second-guessing everybody. I try to be fairly savy but I've never suffered from "trust issues." This is the first time that approach has backfired. And quite frankly, I don't see what else I could have done (though I am open to suggestions). Not much.. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 2, 2012 15:03:24 GMT -5
More info for Chal:
She very calmly and politely asked to have a word with me. I, (not realizing that I had ever seen her before) agreed. She asked me about her dude. I told her that she may want to have this conversation with him. She reminded me of the one time we met, 12 months ago which jogged my memory. When old boy and I first started communicating regularly, I specifically referenced the girl who was in the room when we first met and asked who she was. He said "umm, u mean that Indian jawn with the red hair? I don't really know her. I think she was someone else's guest."
I told the girl that I didn't know that they lived together and recounted her man's story. She politely walked away. I thought we were done.
I headed out of the party and remarked to old boy on the way that his girl was looking for him. She made a move like she was going to follow me to my car. Bottles were grabbed. Why? Because by now you obviously know that this is your man's issue, not mine. The fact that you are still trying to loudcap ME means that you just want to beef to beef (or possibly, you are unstable). All parties involved know that there's nothing I can do for you. And plus, I'M LEAVING. If you're following me at this point, I'm thinking you mean me some harm.
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 2, 2012 15:12:49 GMT -5
Ok so they lived together.sooooo did you ever go over to his house to visit, make any late night phone calls, any stay overs at your place?
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 2, 2012 15:14:59 GMT -5
She could be an old jumpoff/girlfriend/cuddy buddy that is mad that he moved on and saw you and him getting to close so she wanted to throw salt.
Glad you took the high road and didn't hit her. Nothing worse IMO than fighting over a man, especially one that is not your husband.
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 2, 2012 15:16:41 GMT -5
Ok so they lived together.sooooo did you ever go over to his house to visit, make any late night phone calls, any stay overs at your place? No, no and no. We may have text messaged late at night (for various reasons), but the content of the text messages was absolutely not inappropriate. |
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Post by QueenOH on Mar 2, 2012 15:17:23 GMT -5
She could be an old jumpoff/girlfriend/cuddy buddy that is mad that he moved on and saw you and him getting to close so she wanted to throw salt. Glad you took the high road and didn't hit her. Nothing worse IMO than fighting over a man, especially one that is not your husband. She wasn't going to fight over a man, she was going to fight over the girl getting in her face/threatening her. |
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 2, 2012 15:18:57 GMT -5
She could be an old jumpoff/girlfriend/cuddy buddy that is mad that he moved on and saw you and him getting to close so she wanted to throw salt. Glad you took the high road and didn't hit her. Nothing worse IMO than fighting over a man, especially one that is not your husband. She wasn't going to fight over a man, she was going to fight over the girl getting in her face/threatening her. Right but from the perception of outsiders the basis for the fight is a man but I get what you are saying. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 2, 2012 15:20:23 GMT -5
More info for Rare:
We weren't getting close at all. You know how when you go to somebody's town, you try to make an effort to show love? Well, its amplified when its another country. So I was excited to attend the party. However, once I got there, the party was HELLA dead aaaand he ignored me the entire time. I think the girl's antics offended me so in part because the party was wack to begin with, lol. And I didn't take the high road. Someone who knew me was driving past on the road and offered me a ride, so I got in the car (divine intervention, if you ask me).
And we wouldn't have been fighting over a man. We would have been fighting because she came for me.
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 2, 2012 15:20:41 GMT -5
#queenbeknowing
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 2, 2012 15:20:51 GMT -5
Ok so they lived together.sooooo did you ever go over to his house to visit, make any late night phone calls, any stay overs at your place? No, no and no. We may have text messaged late at night (for various reasons), but the content of the text messages was absolutely not inappropriate. Ok I was trying to figure out why no red flags went off that he was involved with someone. Well someone is obviously lying or someone does not know their place. You don't owe her anything but he (if yall are friends or wants to continue yalls friendship) owes you honesty and respect. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 2, 2012 15:26:56 GMT -5
I said a short prayer after I grabbed the bottle. When I re-opened my eyes, I saw a distant relative of mine driving by in a jeep. He yelled to me out the window and I flagged him down, hopped in the passenger side and bounced. Deleted old boy's number before I even did my seatbelt. Haven't heard from him since and I frankly don't expect to.
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 2, 2012 15:57:26 GMT -5
More info for Chal: She very calmly and politely asked to have a word with me. I, (not realizing that I had ever seen her before) agreed. She asked me about her dude. I told her that she may want to have this conversation with him. She reminded me of the one time we met, 12 months ago which jogged my memory. When old boy and I first started communicating regularly, I specifically referenced the girl who was in the room when we first met and asked who she was. He said "umm, u mean that Indian jawn with the red hair? I don't really know her. I think she was someone else's guest." I told the girl that I didn't know that they lived together and recounted her man's story. She politely walked away. I thought we were done. I headed out of the party and remarked to old boy on the way that his girl was looking for him. She made a move like she was going to follow me to my car. Bottles were grabbed. Why? Because by now you obviously know that this is your man's issue, not mine. The fact that you are still trying to loudcap ME means that you just want to beef to beef (or possibly, you are unstable). All parties involved know that there's nothing I can do for you. And plus, I'M LEAVING. If you're following me at this point, I'm thinking you mean me some harm. That makes her look even worse in this. You give her the business, the prepare to leave and yet she pops up like she wants something to jump off? This pretty much sounds like catty girlfriends in the background. When she walked away the first time, she found her friends, recounted to conversation you'd had, and they pretty much boosted her head up that she should "act out." Either that or she's just stupid. |
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Post by nyunupe on Mar 2, 2012 16:00:01 GMT -5
She could be an old jumpoff/girlfriend/cuddy buddy that is mad that he moved on and saw you and him getting to close so she wanted to throw salt. Glad you took the high road and didn't hit her. Nothing worse IMO than fighting over a man, especially one that is not your husband. She wasn't going to fight over a man, she was going to fight over the girl getting in her face/threatening her. 100. |
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 2, 2012 16:03:37 GMT -5
I don't believe she should have confronted you but at the same time I believe that your spidey senses tingled. Apart of you wanted to trust him and apart of you knew he was lying and wanted to see it for yourself.
And again I don't like how she came up to you..Why do woman do that?!?! Its like they easily forgive a man before the woman...
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Post by QueenOH on Mar 2, 2012 16:10:20 GMT -5
More info for Chal: She very calmly and politely asked to have a word with me. I, (not realizing that I had ever seen her before) agreed. She asked me about her dude. I told her that she may want to have this conversation with him. She reminded me of the one time we met, 12 months ago which jogged my memory. When old boy and I first started communicating regularly, I specifically referenced the girl who was in the room when we first met and asked who she was. He said "umm, u mean that Indian jawn with the red hair? I don't really know her. I think she was someone else's guest." I told the girl that I didn't know that they lived together and recounted her man's story. She politely walked away. I thought we were done. I headed out of the party and remarked to old boy on the way that his girl was looking for him. She made a move like she was going to follow me to my car. Bottles were grabbed. Why? Because by now you obviously know that this is your man's issue, not mine. The fact that you are still trying to loudcap ME means that you just want to beef to beef (or possibly, you are unstable). All parties involved know that there's nothing I can do for you. And plus, I'M LEAVING. If you're following me at this point, I'm thinking you mean me some harm. That makes her look even worse in this. You give her the business, the prepare to leave and yet she pops up like she wants something to jump off? This pretty much sounds like catty girlfriends in the background. When she walked away the first time, she found her friends, recounted to conversation you'd had, and they pretty much boosted her head up that she should "act out." Either that or she's just stupid. I'll bet her friends where hyping her up because the party was so boring and they need any kind of entertainment. |
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 2, 2012 16:18:55 GMT -5
Funny thing is, people kept saying "she wasn't gonna do nothin." Oh ok. But I was.
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Post by Chal™ on Mar 2, 2012 16:23:02 GMT -5
I'll bet her friends where hyping her up because the party was so boring and they need any kind of entertainment. exactly |
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Post by 123Diva on Mar 3, 2012 22:25:58 GMT -5
I have grabbed a bottle once before in life with intent to buss it over a man's head.
Had this been me, this would in fact have been the 2nd time I grabbed a bottle with similar intent.
I would have reacted as Leja did.
The only difference, I feel, is that I DO second guess people so perhaps I would have been skeptical but it's clear you were not at fault.
I get it.
He's shady. She's shady.
Women need to start approaching their boyfriends, husbands, jump-offs, sidepieces, sugar daddy's etc...and stop blaming and attacking other females. Real talk.
I have a somewhat related recent Facebook story that I may tell another time.
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 5, 2012 19:20:49 GMT -5
Weird story. No obvious red flags went up based on your description of your previous interaction. Her approaching you, seems completely out of the blue, as I'm guessing it seemed to you as well. I wouldn't have suspected the following dialogue either.
I'm not sure how your presence at a party that you were invited to could be disrespectful.
The real question is, how is it that she knew who you were but you essentially had no clue who she was? I mean a red flag should have gone up for her. "How come this chick doesn't even know who I am?"
And of course that's a question that should have been directed to ol' boy. Bottom line, this whole scenario was just Twilight Zone-ish. Stay your a$$ stateside.
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 6, 2012 11:34:55 GMT -5
The real question is, how is it that she knew who you were but you essentially had no clue who she was? I mean a red flag should have gone up for her. "How come this chick doesn't even know who I am?"
This is what I want to know too.. It's like she had some background on who you were... so... something isn't right.. |
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 6, 2012 11:50:12 GMT -5
The real question is, how is it that she knew who you were but you essentially had no clue who she was? I mean a red flag should have gone up for her. "How come this chick doesn't even know who I am?"
This is what I want to know too.. It's like she had some background on who you were... so... something isn't right.. |
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Post by ReignMan19 on Mar 6, 2012 11:51:57 GMT -5
Naw.. I'm thinking ol boy said something previously.. She knew exactly her she was...
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Post by DamieQue™ on Mar 6, 2012 11:58:59 GMT -5
Maybe. Either way, it was hella weird and I would'a bounced too.
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 6, 2012 12:21:34 GMT -5
Now that you guys mention it, I AM sorta curious how and why she knew who I was. I didn't think it was odd at the time because we were obviously the only Americans in the joint so even if her only point of reference was "foreign jawn" all signs still pointed to me.
Don't think I mentioned this before, but her characterization was actually incorrect. When she came up to me, one of her initial questions was "are you the one who texted my man at 1am asking if he was up." Actually, I wasn't. No such conversation ever took place between he and I. I just didn't like how she was talking to me, so I didn't go to the trouble of allaying her concern. So it could very well have been a case of mistaken identity. OBVIOUSLY old boy is shady. She probably has similar altercations regularly.
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