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Post by DamieQue™ on Nov 12, 2010 7:09:00 GMT -5
My instinct tells me bringing life into the world must INHERENTLY be about something LARGER than just ourselves and our desires. Afterall single rich people can certainly provide for children materially, but it seems like the only GOOD reason for having a child is that you have "so much love and knowledge and wisdom" to pass on to them. That would seem to be a suitable rationale for adoption as well as IVF. You bring these children into your sphere of existence for what you can give THEM, not what you'd like to receive for yourself. If it's just about or even primarily about you, then I think it IS selfish. But I don't think that just because you are single and you have a child it was because you were selfish.
I don't think it's THAT you are a single parent that determines whether or not your selfish, it's WHY you are a single parent that probably tells the story. Add I'd like to add that often times, people who CHOOSE to proceed with a child KNOWING that they will perhaps forego (sp) the added hands on, financial, and emotional help are sometimes they most unselfish and most sacrificing.  |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Nov 12, 2010 7:40:14 GMT -5
I believe this is the core of the disagreement because I don't view parenthood as a right. Visitation rights and such aren't in place just because the parent has the "right" to the child but rather because the child has a right to have an established relationship with his/her family. Then again I'm a child focused person. And I guess the rest of us are just a bunch of selfish so and sos? LOL Ok, Pep. Of course the welfare of the child is the most important thing but the parent child relationship is not just about the child (to me). |
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Post by LejaOMG on Nov 12, 2010 8:29:06 GMT -5
Being a single parent is a situation that anybody (yes, ANYBODY) can end up in. Society doesn't judge people whose spouses die in a tragic accident or those who divorce abusive mates or even those who accidentally get pregnant and opt not to abort. There are many contexts in which single parenthood (esp. motherhood) have been normalized so I'm not sure I see where a single person who has the means to raise a child and has determined that they have a satisfactory support system is necessarily selfish or irresponsible.
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Post by peppermint on Nov 12, 2010 9:08:50 GMT -5
I believe this is the core of the disagreement because I don't view parenthood as a right. Visitation rights and such aren't in place just because the parent has the "right" to the child but rather because the child has a right to have an established relationship with his/her family. Then again I'm a child focused person. And I guess the rest of us are just a bunch of selfish so and sos? LOL Ok, Pep. Of course the well fare of the child is the most important thing but the parent child relationship is not just about the child (to me). If you took that statement as an implication that I was calling you selfish, that's your issue not mine. Serious question to all of those who say it's a woman's right to decide on single parenthood at the exclusion of a father (which I'm noticing people are trying to avoid under the guise of "anything can happen to make you a single parent")": Aside from financial reasons, what makes this woman any different from a teenager who wants to get pregnant? |
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Post by Bunny Hop on Nov 12, 2010 9:29:03 GMT -5
If you took that statement as an implication that I was calling you selfish, that's your issue not mine. Serious question to all of those who say it's a woman's right to decide on single parenthood at the exclusion of a father (which I'm noticing people are trying to avoid under the guise of "anything can happen to make you a single parent")": Aside from financial reasons, what makes this woman any different from a teenager who wants to get pregnant?  at your first statement... Now I'm not apart of the "anything can happen" team in this thread (even though I know anything can/will happen). I'd also have a problem with a women having a child without a father if she was not in a good place to take care of one. But comparing an adult woman wanting to have a child without a father to a teenager having a child without the father is like comparing apples and oranges. Then again if you believe that having a child without a father means she must be selfish or filling a void then it's all the same to you. I just can't sit here and act like a 2 parent household guarantees that a child will be "raised right" or will have something more than a child from a single parent home. And I won't accept that raising kids in single parent homes means they can't be raised right or that they're missing something. |
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Post by Vudu_Prince on Nov 12, 2010 13:57:53 GMT -5
Okay I see this thread going into the realm of parenting. I HOPE we're not equating doing a great parenting job on professional exploits alone. You have some fucked up flawed character aint shit niggahs and pigeon hood rats with degree's..... Look beneath the surface and ye shall see the truth.
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Post by LejaOMG on Mar 19, 2012 9:09:46 GMT -5
bump. since we chatted about this the other day...
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Post by ShimmeringSTAR on Mar 19, 2012 14:01:57 GMT -5
In addition to relationship issues, I think more older, professional women are opting to raise kids on their own, which affects the numbers. Some people just don't want to get married, but that doesn't mean they're not committed to raising their children. I think two parent families are best, but a marriage license does not a family make. I agree to a certain point... I don't remember this thread...thanks Leja |
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 19, 2012 15:44:58 GMT -5
Okay I see this thread going into the realm of parenting. I HOPE we're not equating doing a great parenting job on professional exploits alone. You have some fucked up flawed character aint shit niggahs and pigeon hood rats with degree's..... Look beneath the surface and ye shall see the truth. idead and came back to life LOL |
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Post by Coldfront06 on Mar 19, 2012 16:06:11 GMT -5
Okay I see this thread going into the realm of parenting. I HOPE we're not equating doing a great parenting job on professional exploits alone. You have some fucked up flawed character aint shit niggahs and pigeon hood rats with degree's..... Look beneath the surface and ye shall see the truth. I've been saying this same thing about dating/relationships for a while. Amazing how many people think that degrees = good catch. I would prefer a woman with a degree for several reasons, but its far down the list on things I care about and lack of one is far from a deal breaker. |
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Mar 19, 2012 16:19:44 GMT -5
Yes I too have found that just bc a person has a degree or may be education that still have some other chracter flaws that I just don't want to deal with.
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Post by Rare_Commodity on Apr 11, 2012 9:54:11 GMT -5
Great thread. If one mo' person ask me if I like girls and/or why my sexy azz don't have any children at age 26/7/8/9... I'mma scream (aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh).
*Looks down at my left ring finger and it is empty*
My mom asked me once did she scare me away from having kids. I was like no I just don't want to keep repeating the cycle. I have two coworkers in their late 40's that have never been married and don't have any children. They asked me at what point (age) will I suck it up and just make the decision to have a baby on my own bc the selection of men (husband material) is slim to none...
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at your first statement...
